Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Wednesday ~ the midpoint of Great Lent

It was very good to be in Church tonight.
Venerating the Cross was a great comfort.
Grieving takes various forms and today I discovered
another layer, with realizing that much of my work
at Patrick's is now done and as always,
we think we have more time.
All I can tell you is that his home is so beautiful,
that it held such colours, beauty, culture,
a love of both the States but I would say even more
for England, Canada and Russia.
Everyone misses a person when they die differently and for 
different reasons; for me it is his kindness,
it's his telling me about what he heard about Canada on the news
this past week and that it was terrible (a lot of it is now days sadly).
He has a big beautiful Canadian flag in his study.
I really miss Canada; I am a Canadian and feel very strongly about
my love of Canada and Canada's connection to the UK.
I miss living in Ottawa and have not visited in almost 2 years, 
at times this feels unbearable,
but there is nothing I can do about it right now;
my life simply did not allow me to come, by way of illness, 
many unexpected things and other trips that had to take precedence. 
It is hard to see my godson growing up so quickly without me.
It's hard to see his older brother turn 10 and I was not there.
But yet I need to be here, I love so much here;
I loved Patrick and have been so glad to serve him in these last ways;
It's hard to let others go, esp. those who saw you in ways that
others simply cannot see.
One cannot give another knowledge of a country and culture
that they simply do not know.
But yet I am so blessed to have many loving people around me
and can only be grateful.
I know that at this time, I am truly meant to be 
where I am and I pray that I can,
as much as I stumble, do some of what 
God was hoping I could do here.
I am most grateful for my marriage to 
My Husband and for the love we share
and that we can double our joys and half the 
sorrows by sharing them.


GretchenJoanna said...

I have heard that about marriage several times but I always forget it - I would like to remember the description of how by marriage we "double our joys and halve our sorrows." While my husband was with me we did do that! Thank you for the reminder. <3

Tracy said...

My heart goes out to you in a big way, Elizabeth... Such beauty expressed from your heart here today. I found this especially touching, " It's hard to let others go, esp. those who saw you in ways that others simply cannot see." There are some special people who really see us, and it's hard when we lose them. And it is special to have someone in one's life who appreciates so much of God, faith, practicing faith, beauty, culture. We need to those things, and we need others to share those things with. I'm so glad you had Patrick to share those things with. Being a transplant too, I empathize with how you are feeling. It's not easy being in, living in, two places. For a long time I felt so divided, so homesick for my home country. Sometimes I felt like I had to choose. But I'm beginning to see that two place can hold me, and that maybe I have things to give to two places, and that God really will help me all along the way. Love always helps us along the way. :) It is amazing we are half through Lent already! God Bless you and yours... ((HUGS))

Tia said...

I've been reading your blog through my email feed, and haven't commented in a while. Forgive me if my comment seems an intrusion from what is usual.
I am so sorry for your loss, the world's loss of Patrick, and the grief that you are going. I think this Lent has been interesting and challenging for so many this year, for so many different reasons. Thank God for His love and for the cross where we can set our struggles.
"I know that at this time, I am truly meant to be
where I am and I pray that I can,
as much as I stumble, do some of what
God was hoping I could do here."
This resonates with me today and I'm glad to have read it. :)

Martha said...

That is so true. We always think we have more time. Never knowing when our time on earth will end...

karen said...

hugs to you Elizabeth. I feel your yearnings towards Ottawa and yet loving the new life you have carved and being so very happy. I hope you get chance to go back and see your people and your places you once lived.

elizabeth said...

Thanks Tracy! I have been doing pretty good over all with the move I made 4.5 years ago, but sometimes I get to missing Ottawa. I truely appreciate your words here, I know they are hard won!

G-J: that is wonderful. Hugs.

Tia: so nice to hear from you again! I appreciate your words very much.

Martha - yes, so much so.

Karen ~ yes, that's right. I have much that I love in my new life and a lot of happiness here. I am hoping to visit Ottawa again, hopefully sometime soon...