It was very good to be in Church tonight.
Venerating the Cross was a great comfort.
Grieving takes various forms and today I discovered
another layer, with realizing that much of my work
at Patrick's is now done and as always,
we think we have more time.
All I can tell you is that his home is so beautiful,
that it held such colours, beauty, culture,
a love of both the States but I would say even more
for England, Canada and Russia.
Everyone misses a person when they die differently and for
different reasons; for me it is his kindness,
it's his telling me about what he heard about Canada on the news
this past week and that it was terrible (a lot of it is now days sadly).
He has a big beautiful Canadian flag in his study.
I really miss Canada; I am a Canadian and feel very strongly about
my love of Canada and Canada's connection to the UK.
I miss living in Ottawa and have not visited in almost 2 years,
at times this feels unbearable,
but there is nothing I can do about it right now;
my life simply did not allow me to come, by way of illness,
many unexpected things and other trips that had to take precedence.
It is hard to see my godson growing up so quickly without me.
It's hard to see his older brother turn 10 and I was not there.
But yet I need to be here, I love so much here;
I loved Patrick and have been so glad to serve him in these last ways;
It's hard to let others go, esp. those who saw you in ways that
others simply cannot see.
One cannot give another knowledge of a country and culture
that they simply do not know.
But yet I am so blessed to have many loving people around me
and can only be grateful.
I know that at this time, I am truly meant to be
where I am and I pray that I can,
as much as I stumble, do some of what
God was hoping I could do here.
I am most grateful for my marriage to
My Husband and for the love we share
and that we can double our joys and half the
sorrows by sharing them.