Ottawa

Sorry for lack of picture;

not doing this on my computer

so no picture.

*

I arrived safely!

*

My new phone

(I got a new phone via 

great deal at Mr. Husband's work)

made us think that I was using 

data, but whew

we did not.

Data use in Canada is over 2$ a minute.

WiFi is free.

As if I would use data.

*

Moving along...

It is wonderful to be at 

one of my dear Ottawa friend's house.

It is good to see my familiar Ottawa.

And it is gloriously COLD here!

Sunshine, blue skies and white snow...

ah, my Ottawa, how I missed thee....

This is my favourite weather!

NJ weather is so not my favourite; 

I did not even know my favourite weather was

sun, snow and cold until I moved to Ottawa

that 7 plus years ago...

*

Tonight God-willing I will be at my church.

The long-awaited over 4 months since I left

reunion. 

It is strange that I don't know when I can return again.

 *

Once I read a small passage by 

St. Theophan the Recluse

about those who are self-centred/self-absorbed

are ones that are constantly thinking of the future

instead of being present with God in the moment

(not to mention aware of others of course).

*

So I am reminded that I must seek to do what has

always been hard for me.

Just BE RIGHT WHERE I AM.

Be in Ottawa for this week; 

yep Mr. Husband could not come with me and 

of course my Grandma was right that she said

I would miss Mr. Husband while I was gone.

*

But I came all this way for a reason

many reasons I think

and it is part of my life's journey and 

struggling through the process of leaving

it seems one does not have to be over leaving

when one has left.

*

I had realized about 2 months into marriage

how hard it was for me to leave Ottawa

how bewildered I felt

the grief of it

leaving my beloved home,

my spiritual father

my long-time friends

(including my sister-friend who I have known for 15 years now)

and a city that I loved like I have no other place on earth.

*

Talking with friends,

family and monastics

I have realized again and again how much patience I must have 

in this time. 

Growing up, which is also part of marriage, 

a new stage of growth and a new chapter, a new world

is not easy but it also takes time.

Adjustments take time.

While I have not lose my church family here in Ottawa

still I can't walk 30 minutes to see them

when I am in NJ.

So it is a real change.

*

And I have missed the Ottawa people I would see

the poor and the outcast.

The skinny man with tattoos everywhere

and varying either hot pink or neon green hair.

 The man who always sits and asks for money

and will not accept anything but money

who sometimes talks normally and 

sometimes a bit like he is mentally struggling

and you never know what is the act

and what is real.

I remember the woman years ago when I worked 

at my first library job in Ottawa

one I really loved and that was a dream job for me

and I would pass by the same woman

sturdy, sitting there, died blond hair

and last year when I was working my second to last job

I saw her as I came out of my work building

and she recognized me and I her,

when I heard her voice, gravelly as always,

and shook her hand,

rough, chapped skin that made up the palm of her hand

how hard her life is and here

I was doing well, 

after all that time.

*

Sometimes I miss my old apartment but not as deeply 

as I miss having friends over for a dinner.

My new church is over 1 hour 1 way drive and I have not 

driven since 2004 and driving in NJ near NYC is a 

crazy thing, with honking, aggressive drivers and 

general craziness.  

So not wanting to drive there 

which means that our normal church is over 2 hours 1 way by 

public transit and so I can't go; over 4 hours a day travel

is a bit much.

*

I hope to keep working on making friends when I return to NJ again.

And I am making efforts and now that I am 

sinus-cold free 

(thank the Good Lord!)

I hope to stay this way and have the strength to keep 

working on building a new life

with my beloved Mr. Husband.

*

I told the security guard for customs that I moved to the US 

as I got married and that my husband is worth it.

And this is very true.

*

Speaking back to St. Theophan; 

Mr. Husband and I have been reading this book by him

thoughts for every day of the year

as part of our daily reading.

I forgot the book,

but must blog about it at some point; a lot there...