Friday, January 18, 2013

Ottawa

Sorry for lack of picture;
not doing this on my computer
so no picture.
*
I arrived safely!
*
My new phone
(I got a new phone via 
great deal at Mr. Husband's work)
made us think that I was using 
data, but whew
we did not.
Data use in Canada is over 2$ a minute.
WiFi is free.
As if I would use data.
*
Moving along...
It is wonderful to be at 
one of my dear Ottawa friend's house.
It is good to see my familiar Ottawa.
And it is gloriously COLD here!
Sunshine, blue skies and white snow...
ah, my Ottawa, how I missed thee....
This is my favourite weather!
NJ weather is so not my favourite; 
I did not even know my favourite weather was
sun, snow and cold until I moved to Ottawa
that 7 plus years ago...
*
Tonight God-willing I will be at my church.
The long-awaited over 4 months since I left
reunion. 
It is strange that I don't know when I can return again.
 *
Once I read a small passage by 
St. Theophan the Recluse
about those who are self-centred/self-absorbed
are ones that are constantly thinking of the future
instead of being present with God in the moment
(not to mention aware of others of course).
*
So I am reminded that I must seek to do what has
always been hard for me.
Just BE RIGHT WHERE I AM.
Be in Ottawa for this week; 
yep Mr. Husband could not come with me and 
of course my Grandma was right that she said
I would miss Mr. Husband while I was gone.
*
But I came all this way for a reason
many reasons I think
and it is part of my life's journey and 
struggling through the process of leaving
it seems one does not have to be over leaving
when one has left.
*
I had realized about 2 months into marriage
how hard it was for me to leave Ottawa
how bewildered I felt
the grief of it
leaving my beloved home,
my spiritual father
my long-time friends
(including my sister-friend who I have known for 15 years now)
and a city that I loved like I have no other place on earth.
*
Talking with friends,
family and monastics
I have realized again and again how much patience I must have 
in this time. 
Growing up, which is also part of marriage, 
a new stage of growth and a new chapter, a new world
is not easy but it also takes time.
Adjustments take time.
While I have not lose my church family here in Ottawa
still I can't walk 30 minutes to see them
when I am in NJ.
So it is a real change.
*
And I have missed the Ottawa people I would see
the poor and the outcast.
The skinny man with tattoos everywhere
and varying either hot pink or neon green hair.
 The man who always sits and asks for money
and will not accept anything but money
who sometimes talks normally and 
sometimes a bit like he is mentally struggling
and you never know what is the act
and what is real.
I remember the woman years ago when I worked 
at my first library job in Ottawa
one I really loved and that was a dream job for me
and I would pass by the same woman
sturdy, sitting there, died blond hair
and last year when I was working my second to last job
I saw her as I came out of my work building
and she recognized me and I her,
when I heard her voice, gravelly as always,
and shook her hand,
rough, chapped skin that made up the palm of her hand
how hard her life is and here
I was doing well, 
after all that time.
*
Sometimes I miss my old apartment but not as deeply 
as I miss having friends over for a dinner.
My new church is over 1 hour 1 way drive and I have not 
driven since 2004 and driving in NJ near NYC is a 
crazy thing, with honking, aggressive drivers and 
general craziness.  
So not wanting to drive there 
which means that our normal church is over 2 hours 1 way by 
public transit and so I can't go; over 4 hours a day travel
is a bit much.
*
I hope to keep working on making friends when I return to NJ again.
And I am making efforts and now that I am 
sinus-cold free 
(thank the Good Lord!)
I hope to stay this way and have the strength to keep 
working on building a new life
with my beloved Mr. Husband.
*
I told the security guard for customs that I moved to the US 
as I got married and that my husband is worth it.
And this is very true.
*
Speaking back to St. Theophan; 
Mr. Husband and I have been reading this book by him
as part of our daily reading.
I forgot the book,
but must blog about it at some point; a lot there...

 

3 comments:

Michelle M. said...

I hope you continue to have a wonderful visit!

Victoria said...

so nice to be able to visit old friends!

Emily H. said...

Enjoy your time there!