Environment of Prayer

 

I am listening to a two CD
talk by Mother Gabriella.
*
Unfortunately this particular
lecture is not on
ancient faith radio
but there are some of
Mother Gabriella's lectures.
I do recommend them
most highly.
*
I have been thinking about
a post I have thought to write
but that has remained unwritten
for some years
that the lecture I was listening to
by Mother Gabriella
gave the words to.
*
It is about creating
an environment of prayer.
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A few years ago
when I was struggling with the
fall-out of losing my
full-time library job
I was still listening to many types of music.
One day as I was listening to it
and was by my main icon of St. George
that is above my buffet
and suddenly had the sense that
it was not what I should listen to or be.
*
I began to realize how much
music can disturb or even destroy my peace.
*
My time in Ottawa gave me some space
and some gifts.
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I had found a regular confessor and
spiritual father;
over the years I changed some of my habits -
I wrote about how I
stopped reading mystery books
as part of my war against anxiety.
Over the years
I have also pretty much
stopped listening to music
outside of Orthodox music and some
classical music.
*
The lecture by Mother Gabriella also
spoke of the need for regular
confession to begin to learn
what one needs to repent of
and change.
*
Changes such as these
I am finding are needed
to cultivate an environment
where one can pray
or
for me
can start to see what is hindering
myself from prayer.
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In my last years when I was at home
either working on contract
or looking for work
I had a lot of opportunities
to be quiet.
*
Times like these helped me begin to see
how things work;
how what we surround ourselves with
influences and impacts our
inner world and life.
How thoughts are a battle ground
and where peace is lost or found.
*
Now the danger of me writing
about this is that it may lead
someone to think that I live
on a spiritual level that
I simply am not on.
*
I only have to think of my confession lists
to know that I am a rank beginner.
*
But I do believe that there is a real
correlation between
what we read, listen to and surround ourselves
with and who we become and how
and in which way we grow.
*
I am still in the process
of seeking to build
a house for my soul
but the point is
that it is possible.
*
There really is a God to be found
and to trust;
there is a river that runs in the
city of God;
there is a real spiritual life to be
discovered and lived;
there is such a thing as
life-giving repentance.