Moments in three pictures

Do you see the sunshine?

The pink and white under the plate

is a lovely doily that my Oma made,

part of my photo shoot of Oma-creations.

I got the pillows in Halifax;

just like the picture...

Doily by my Oma

painting from and by a friend.

***

About the French quiz.

Well.

I can't spell that well yet

and so

ahem,

(semi-blush)

I didn't do that well.

(really like under 70%).

That's why I am blogging.

Yeah.

Okay.

Back to French studies...

(midterm in a week!)

Trusting God Take Two

Sigh.

What's up with Picasa 3 and blogger?

My pictures keep disappearing.

Is this my punishment for not going to a new blogger or something?

+++++++++++++++++++++

My camera is fixed!

Accidentally transferred files to my camera's memory card

instead of my external hard drive.

I hope the pictures come this time, as I really liked them.

++++++++++++++

I love how the sun comes in through my curtains.

I wanted to capture this before I left my apartment.

As my 'trusting God' original post said,

I have felt unsettled as I know I have to move again.

I don't know how to feel more peaceful about moving;

I know moving is high on the stress charts.

It is funny though.

Most likely I will still have this beloved gold chair,

that I am sitting on as I type this,

that my Dad sat on when I was a wee babe in arms.

Yet is feels so unsettling to have to move again;

If anything, it shows how much I need to grow in my understanding of

what the world is really like.

For example, the world is NOT based in chaos. NO. This is false.

My spiritual father taught us years ago that the correct understanding of the world

is that the Church encompasses the world,

not the world encompassing the Church.

When this is understood,

then we can see how the world is really ordered and that it is not chaotic.

Our world is not based in a broken disheveled dissonant mess;

that are world is experienced this way is true

but it is not its basis. God is the Creator and God is not broken.

Just thought I would make that clear to us all,

including to myself.

++++++

How I can learn to internalize this,

and learn to take the peace of God and of the Church,

inside of me,

this I fear will take sometime.

But I know it is possible.

Our prayers speak of it:

O Heavenly King, O Comforter, the Spirit of Truth,

who are in all places and fill all things,

the treasury of good things and giver of life.

Come and abide in us,

cleanse us from every stain,

and save our souls, O Good One.

++++

May God have mercy and lead us to His peace. Amen.

Beautiful Flowers, Hard Questions and Cleo the Cat

Liliacs - I had a great walk yesterday with a friend and took pictures.

Where I first lived as a child had a liliac bush. My Mother loves them...

My Cutest Cleo Cat.

OK. The hard questions.

1. I don't know what to do yet.

I am only getting

RED lights from the professionals

(the few, okay mainly my professor

who is being honest about the field)

about the field for a PhD in humanities.

That and my own research shows that the job market is bad.

And very competitive and intense.

2. I have been asking questions. The MA I could apply to,

I could possibly still get in for September.

Would do it with two of my friends,

if I got in.

BUT with little or no funding.

This is a real concern.

Like many students I have student loans.

If I got out more,

then all the work I did to re-pay would be gone.

This does not seem to be a good move for me,

esp. given that I do not have anyone else (God of course)

to support me money wise.

(and other than a humanities librarian job in a University,

it would not get me more job prospects).

3. What does it mean to let go of this dream?

We are taught to be such idealists.

That we can do anything we want

unlimited optimism or

at least naivete.

This article talks about the students who

are considering graduate school

this professor is often discouraging them for doing so.

He went to Harvard and has a job

but he sees that many are not getting jobs.

His article is harsh but honest.

It was painful to read.

4. This one is only slightly pre-mature.

I do tend to worry a bit at times.

Still. I am processing the fact that if I do not get a job

(I've looked online, there are not any full time ones)

by the end of the summer or so,

I will most likely have to move.

I hope not out of the city itself;

I cannot afford this apartment when the lease is up,

if I do not have a full time

librarian job.

This makes me feel sad,

as my one bedroom apartment here

is so lovely.

5. The idea of having to leave to find work

and leave my Ottawa home

and my spiritual father

I do not want to contemplate.

This is the hardest of all.

But I know that God is with me.

I know that He can do anything; I know I am seek to not be afraid

and be at peace.

So I will continue trying to do so.

And to learn to love God

through this time.

And so I seek to be thankful.

Christmas Reflections

I started my online course today! And in true student fashion, I now get to procrastinate. So far I have written a New Years letter (did not send one of family and friends in a few years) and am now here, writing this blog post.

I think the online course will be good though and I am going to work on it more tonight, to get a head start.

Meanwhile, here is a picture I took at the monastery:

I have a lot of memories from my time there over New Years.

I have to finish up some projects before I will write more on this.

Current Life Pictures

The view when walking to church; I can walk to my church in about 20 minutes or so.

If you had told me over ten years ago that I would live in the middle of a small city in Canada, in an apartment, I would of found you oddly suspect!

I like it though! I do not need a car, can walk to work and church and to the grocery store. There are many good restaurants and a pretty good bus system.

The leaves are turning!

About the picture below... a good friend helped me move boxes today. Now I just have to fill these boxes.

Like my Holly Hobbie plates? When a friend who had not seen me in over ten years, saw these plates, she felt they were more like the person she knew me to be, back then. Holly Hobbie plates, etc, originated from a woman in New England. Though I was raised in Michigan, New England is a big part of me. This makes Ottawa a good fit for me as well.