A lot done today!
My writing table is back,
the yellow German pottery is back on display,
I took a 2 mile walk in cool brisk air to see Lady Liberty,
and I talked with my Grandma and Mom.
***
Tomorrow DV I will prepare the chicken for roasting on Sunday
and also prepare potatoes for roasting as well.
***
Tonight a friend texted me that is father died.
That would be the third really heavy thing for news
this week...but as my Grandma said to me, at her age,
she and her friends all have serious things to deal with in
terms of sickness and death...
Not very cheery perhaps, but real.
But also real was that my Grandma and I talked about God's love,
about how only He understands the full picture of what is going on
and that He can bring good out of what we cannot understand.
***
My Husband patiently listened to me yesterday about the mystery of time;
that we can know someone in their late 20s, for instance, when we are children
and now that we are middle aged, that person is in his or her in their mid-60s.
How is that a vibrant person who is in their 20s becomes one day,
yet so suddenly, in the mystery of it, elderly?
I know, it takes time, even 50 years, to go from 20 to 70, which is not
elderly but I think you understand what I mean.
How is it that we can be young and then a bit older and know that
'older' is the only thing we are going to get.
And really, time flies as they say; 50 years is nothing,
just waking up every day and living that day.
It goes fast.
But with that same fast time our bodies age.
Babies are born, new parents are born at the same time, as it were,
the parents of the parents become grandparents and the grandparents
great grandparents and it is beautiful but it is a mystery.
***
Though, as I told my Husband, when I turned 40, I was not staring my
mortality in the face, but instead suddenly the understanding that I was
in the second half of life in terms of loss.
That, if things went according to time and age, I would lose my parents.
That I would never feel ready, even if they lived another 20 years.
***
My Mom commented about how we must live in today and with God.
And YES we must.
***
It is such a balance; what does it mean to get deeply discouraging news,
such as we got on Tuesday (with the court case) and feel like you are reeling
but yet have to come back to standing upright.
How does one keep that stance of prayer;
that discipline that is easy when one is reeling but harder when
one is either unable to face the continued hard of a situation or
it is sunny and one does not want to think of it;
what does it meant to be at prayer, to really keep praying like
Christ says to, like the persistent widow.
***
Well, my Grandma and I closed our conversation with the
sense of HOPE we get from God.
And it is truly only with God that one can make
it through and, I pray, pray with greater consistency in
the way God made one to pray;
thankfully we have a merciful God who loves us
and understands our frailty and our hearts, better than we do,
ourselves... May God have mercy on us and save us!
3 comments:
Time passes so quickly and we move from one 'stage' of life to another. I mentioned to my daughter that I felt I was now moving into the Winter of my life. She didn't want to hear that but it's necessary to accept it. For myself and my children too.
I liked seeing that blue blue sky in today's pictures. One could almost think Spring was in the air.
Time moves so quickly anymore, and yet I don't feel as old as I really am (thank goodness). We had a beautiful blue sky weekend and got out for a walk and my mood was instantly improved. My mother's two cousins died last week, neither death was related to the other but it was sad news to receive.
I find this aging thing and the speed of time passing a mystery, too. And even more mysterious is that I still feel young inside, even when my body (and the mirror) reminds me I am not. On the surface it may seem like a cruel joke to feel like a young woman inside, but to see (and feel) one's aging body. But I'm starting to embrace that this mystery is actually a blessing. How wonderful that you still have your grandmother and have such rich conversations with her.
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