As I was standing in church for vespers tonight, I felt relieved. Yes, my life is not what I thought it would be. Yes, my ideals have been challenged, shattered and changed. Yes, life is hard.
I remembered how when I was even younger, I had a full list of what I thought I would do for the next ten years.
THANK GOD that nothing on that list happened. My ideas and ideals for my life, as someone very young in the faith, do not often match what God has for me.
I can say that how things have worked are better than what I would of planned.
So I am left not, as I would of thought years ago, if my ideals were shattered and I became increasingly aware of the fact, with wreckage. Or not a wreckage that is irredeemable!
The Church gives the foundation for how to live; my local church and the monastery I visit also give direction.
I have to seek to do as I was taught and see what my life is now, for what it is, instead of what I thought it would be.
I feel in ways like a young child, exploring a new place for the first time.
This is my life now; may God show me how, and give me the willingness, to live it.