Opening the door to summer

 

I am back in Ottawa.
I had a good time at home.
As always my Mom and I talk about how
my visit went so fast. 
*
I still have a hard time feeling like I am really
35 years old and 5 months old.
That my Mother is over 60.
Time goes so fast.
*
I reread Ecclesiastes at the monastery
this was my favourite book of the Bible
when I was ten-14 or so years of age.
It seemed so alive again
when I read it;
the panoramic view of time
and it was like I could for a minute
sense the overarching life of
mine and my Orthoman
and prayed I could remember to cherish each moment
as they pass so quickly.
*
My Grandma talked about how she once went up with a
family of a man who worked in the National Guard
with my Grandpa before they were married
back in the late 1940's and
that Grandma got a ride up with this family
one Sunday and spent the afternoon with my Grandpa
and others and that my Grandpa
was gone for 2 weeks total
and that was the weekend in between
and how much she missed him.
It helped me understand that it is
normal to miss my beloved Orthoman when we
are apart for this long
and how I too am making memories with him.
 *
For a brief moment that is this summer,
I feel that it is a rare time of happiness
and that the door to summer
that has been looked for
is here.
*
God sometimes gives us a little bit of time
that has a lot of joy in it.
*
I remember when I was 19 and it was such
a sunny sun-lit summer
and I made new friends and was reading this
great devotional book
by Joni E. Tada
(I was Protestant at 19)
and other books
and all seemed so happy.
I was yet too young to understand that these times
are merely a gift to be enjoyed and refreshed by
and that hard times will come again.
Within 2 years of that 19th year
the woman who became like a Mother to me
had gotten cancer and fallen asleep in the Lord.
I was plunged into a great deep grief.
*
So I am trying to hold onto this time very lightly
and pray and work through my
anxieties with moving...
(anything new is at least a little overwhelming to
weak ones like me)
and remember to enjoy this time
as it is a season to be enjoyed
but not held tightly too.
*
Rather I have to learn to be open
to hold my hands open
and accept what God puts in them.
*
And I pray that the times of joy and refreshment will
hold out in strength when I and Orthoman are
plunged into unknown valleys where all we know
is that God will be there with us.