Just a quick update - I feel a lot of better - lots of prayers, tears and honest heart searching over a photocopy machine.
I continue to be in a huge life transition. I am still often afraid. I know one of the things I am battling is fear and how to best manage my life.
I feel that I must "make the grade" in this job or I will cease to be a librarian. It would take a long time to explain what I mean, as the library world is quite unfamiliar to most people. But I must learn what I need to learn.
It is going to be hard. Hard on many levels. But I have come to far to give up. There is no one (save God and His ways) financially supporting me. I do not come from a family that has money to lend me - the money is not there. I have school loans, rent to pay, etc.
And I don't have training other than being a librarian. And to be honest I am not a multi-talented person who can easily shift from one profession to another.
So. I am going to have to work harder. And try to cook well too, so I have the energy I need to do the work.
Anyway. That's how it stands. I pray that God will help me and that I can do my best. Thank you for your prayers.