Sunday of Light, Sunday of Struggle

So.

It was a beautiful day today.

Liturgy was beautiful.

Our Parish meal was a great success,

very beautiful, great food, kids talent show,

they are really growing and constantly improving!

*

At the same time as all the good,

and I got the books I was promised and

wow, the books are so wonderful,
I can't begin to tell you how pleased I am.

And two of the books have Akathists in them already!

I love Saint stories and to have these is a

great blessing.

*

I had a small series of events that has proved challenging

and I feel like all the joy of the Feast is being

challenged with it.

1st I accidentally blistered my foot.

Sandal broke;

went bare foot home on both feet.

The foot that I could of kept the sandal on

I did not until halfway home when it was burning

and I saw that I had not only blistered the foot

but the one blister is open with very tender skin.

Oh me of foolish foot choices.

*

Then my oven broke.

Took cake - strawberry lemon cake

only 1/3 baked

to church

and finished baking it there.

Made frosting this morning.

*

Then I looked at my face.

Uh-oh.

Spots. Again. Remember November?

I do.

And I remember the tests I had to do to make sure

I did not have a serious disease.

And as far as I know I don't have a serious disease.

But I can tell you this.

I do have the same rash again.

I came home late from church, looked in the mirror

and the rash is progressing already to the second stage.

So.

Foot hurts. Open wound basically. Face spots.

Plan:

1. call doctor and get appointment.

Get advice on minor toe wound care.

This may seem like over-reacting to an open toe blister

BUT I had a serious foot injury on the other foot

and had a significant infection.

My aim is to not have a new infection now.

And my foot after walking home still has the burning hot

sensation. Do not like.

I want the fire of the Holy Spirit

not of a foot infection.

2. Call Dermatologist in AM and get appointment

3. Call Naturopath

4. buy bus tickets to go to appointments out of downtown

5. pray.

At least this time around I have two months of money yet

instead of no money really soon.

I just hope that the meds I will go on will not increase my

insomnia

which I had for two nights in a row again.

Did I mention I am supposed to be job searching and

life keeps getting in the way?

*

Regardless today is still Pentecost.

I still need the Holy Spirit more than anything else,

job, health, even sanity itself.

Two more done, more to go

Two professional jobs in Ottawa applied for.

Another cover letter is already in the works

and more to start.

*

The balance between rest

(this is a quiet space in my life)

and that I need a job and don't want to

run out of money again

is a constant struggle for me.

*

It must be in God's plan and for a reason.

I remember when I was unemployed for a summer

and after that ended I started going

to the Orthodox church,

decided to become a librarian,

became a catachumen

and then moved home

and then moved back to Canada for library school

and then to Ottawa

and then back to library school...

and then to Ottawa where I still am today.

All in the space of three years;

4 churches in two years;

lived in 6.5 places in three years,

two countries,

four cities.

*

It was a tad overwhelming;

though in my earlier twenties I used to live in three places a year

and fly six times a year;

West Coast-Michigan-New England.

*

Someday I would love to go to Romania

to visit my sister and brother-in-law

(not to mention tons of monasteries!)

but meanwhile,

it would be nice to either be given the winnings of a lottery ticket

(since I don't play myself)

or a job.

I'll take the job :)

*

Blessed weekend everyone!

Friday late Autumn sun with leaves underfeet: moving towards November

I wish this picture could really capture the depth of the

brightness of the sky's light and the shade of blue.

*

Well.

No job news this week!

Next week: applying for another library position that

has caught my fancy;

and seeing about getting in between clerical work while

I keep looking.

I am here to say that looking for work and suddenly falling into dream

about a new job posting

is almost like being young and in love with someone that is

oblivious to your love;

a job add emailed application holds a promise

but perhaps no fruition.

I hope that does not sound too sad or pitiable,

I am really not meaning it that way,

just that it is a similar emotional rush to it

because dreams are attached.

Let's just be thankful that God wishes us to be anchored in Him

who is not a dream...

I wish it were not this way, with suddenly falling into dream

about a job... as this is not evidence, I think, of a full

spiritual maturity; but...

as I said to a friend today,

Thank God that God is long suffering!!

This flower was pressed years ago for me

and some others as part of a well-meant loving reminder of how

something beautiful may be hidden and waiting for us,

that God has a plan for our lives.

I always kept this gift of the small yellow pressed flower as

a hope in this promise.

And while God holds true;

I am wondering if the Protestant emphasis on

God has a plan for you life - great and beautiful things are in store

is perhaps a bit misleading or even untrue.

Kind of liking falling into dream...

For now,

Cleo and I keep looking.

*

Meanwhile,

Here's a great place to spend some time in the blog world:

I loved this post about influential books in one's life;

I really value Macrina Walker's blog

A Vow of Conversation

while I am not as much an academic*

(though I can't get away from that side of myself

and perhaps should not try)

I love books and this definitely includes Orthodox books,

many of which she quotes at length.

*

May God strengthen us with thanksgiving as we go towards

November's month...

*I mean by saying I am not so much an academic is that I have not read much of the significant

academic tomes on Orthodox theology... but perhaps one day, as God wills...

Thursday, Grey and Windy

I had a special day with a dear friend;

prayed with, talked with,

loved her kids with,

it was a hearty day,

grey and windy.

*

I have begun to make inquiries about the hiring status

for jobs I interviewed for.

No news yet.

*

I plan on doing more intense job searching very soon;

of course I look online often for new postings...

*

I am seeking to pray for God's help.

*

I know it seems that this is all I blog about

but it is pretty much my life right now.

Those who are unemployed will know what I mean, etc.

*

Thankfulness, remembering God

and asking His help;

this is what I am left with as an answer...