This morning I woke and felt it would be one of those days that are difficult. So I was very heartened to see the sunshine early in the morning. The way it lit up the beautiful lamp that was Larissa's, and the fabric flowers next to it, was beautiful.
I looked out the windows and felt so strongly that I just desired to go out and walk. In a way, that's good because I was struggling months ago with the struggle; probably familiar to many or at least to myself?! That is of knowing you need to exercise and do walks, but feeling that it's an exercise not in futility but almost; certainly an exercise that you don't see immediate results from. Or that you can forget what the actual results are.
So I have subscribed to the new literary magazine Portico.
I barely ever read the news. I don't know if I've ever mentioned that. I'm one of people that knows the least about that sort of thing. Because I find it overwhelming. And because I can't always read bitter tragedy.
So I read about the news in the state of the world at a slant. I used to find out about things through Instagram. But I've been off that for some months now. Sometimes I go on for a little bit via my Chromebook like I did on Monday. But in general I avoid it (Instagram) because it was taking up too much headspace and was sucking me in because of how it's changed itself. It's no longer a place where you can just meet friends and share pictures. Instead. It's a social media vortex that's trying so hard to get your attention by any sort of eye candy they can. So I had to give it up. I was getting way too addicted.
And I need to fill my mind with different things. I need to stretch and grow. So I read an article from the literary magazine that I just mentioned.
It was about a science fiction writer from England. That's not a genre I read much of. But I sometimes enjoy reading about things. Which is what I guess a literary journal often is. It's writing about an author or a book. It's not the author speaking to you directly and it's not you reading the book directly. It's reading someone's thoughts about both. And interesting intersection of things.
And it will tell me about authors who I will probably never actually read directly. The following one is one of them. I'm really glad that I read the article and I think his books have merit. But I also know that I can't read everything and right now I can't handle reading dystopian things. But that doesn't mean I can't appreciate what another author thinks of this author.
I guess it's kind of like reading an encyclopedia. You learn a lot about a lot of things and some people I know actually love. Just reading encyclopedias. I think for me literary journals are going to be like that. Some books that I read about I will actually pick up and read but other times I will just be learning and listening.
Anyway, these two sentences really caught my attention:
They're about science fiction writer J. G. Ballard (Note, many of my readers will not want to read that link about him because he's a very provocative and arguably could be seen (very understandably) as perverse / obscene writer! 🧐😳 The F word is used in one of his story titles)........ So, the article I read, and am quoting two things from below, is here. It's interesting that he is impacting culture in noticeable ways in music and even from a Met Gala and beyond his death.
These two quotes from the article I read I really liked ----
"By the time Ballard published his first two novels..... he had deliberately chosen a niche for himself that marked him as a literary anomaly."
"It is the highest compliment I can pay J. G. Ballard—the sage of Shepperton—that, in my final analysis, he stands tall among poets and prophets as the last Englishman unafraid both to love his country and to despair at what it had become."
That last sentence is the end of the article. I was very impressed by it.
I don't know if I'll ever read a lot of dystopian fiction, but I'm very interested in how popular dystopia is. I had an interesting conversation with a librarian a few months ago about the topic of dystopian novels. And she mentioned how she feels now that the world is that way. That's something I'm very interested in.
Something that's more difficult to answer is the fact that many novels that have true literary quality are novels I simply don't want to read. I tried twice in the last month to read where the crawdads sing .... The first page of that novel is incredibly well written. I already looked up the Wikipedia page on it and know the plot. But I don't know if I'll be able to read it. Sometimes it just doesn't work. Or it's at least the wrong time for it to work.
Very different from the Miss Read books that everyone here knows that I love!
But reading literary journals themselves is something that I think I need to do a little of. I say a little of because there's a lot of them. And I would find it overwhelming to try to read all of them.
I found it really interesting that this author that I'm not going to read but enjoyed reading about created a niche for himself that meant he was an anomaly.
That's one of the things I'm also very interested in. That feeling of being an anomaly.
Of being different and not being able to fit in either many groups of people or even in someone's perception of who they think one is.
My friend N sends these out by email.... This one is so beautiful!
I realized my icons on this buffet had gotten really dusty again when I saw the sunshine on them like that. Perhaps you can see the dust that was on them as well? They've since been dusted!
I am slowly "processing" (to use my orthopedics doctor's verb) out of the boot into the foot brace. My orthopedist explained that if you use the walking boot longer than you need, you can create a situation where you're going to need more PT. That makes total sense. So I use the brace for about an hour and I was up in about a lot. But then I started hurting, switched back to the boot and went to the couch. But I know I need to eventually only use the brace and then not use anything and get used to walking unsupported. But I need PT at the same time to do that. Because I need to strengthen the muscles that need the support. As in the muscles need to be stronger so they can be the support.
I'm listening to this song again today.
I'm finding the strings part of it to be something that moves one forward and has an amount of consolation within it. But not everyone is going to like this music!
I'm in my seventh week of being basically housebound. I've gone to church on weekends (after the first two weeks or so when I was very sick with) and every other week to the doctor on a Wednesday. Other than that I'm just home. And then I can't go outside for a walk. I was doing that briefly but obviously I got worse and had to stop. It gets hard after a while emotionally. This week I really struggled with some discouragement because of suddenly having to go backwards into the walking boot again. I'm using the brace most of the day now. I use the walking boot a little when I needed it.
So there are some days that I feel that I'm just at the end of my tether. Other days I'm much better. But that is life isn't it?!
It feels like the walking boot is like if you were just learning to walk from crawling as a toddler and crawling feels safe and comfortable and walking is a whole new thing. You have to use your body in a new way and you can fall and it can feel less safe. It takes time to adjust. Leaving the walking boot after having the pain I had on Sunday night is a little like that. (Except that the walking boot causes the rest of your body to be out of alignment, which isn't exactly the toddler's experience of crawling! But the concept of feeling safe in the walking boot is the same).
Well. I'm eating lunch right now. I'm very glad that it's a sunny day. I slept better but I slept very poorly the night before.
I'm very tired so I will end this post now. May God have mercy on us.
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