A Beautiful Picture

This has to be one of the most beautiful pictures I have 

of this house, one near my parents.

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We all have times in our lives when we are suddenly 

thrown for a series of loops so large and incomprehensible

that it is hard to process, even years later.

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I can't write much about this one,

as most of the story is not mine to tell.

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But it is of loss of a Mother of young children,

it is of unresolved grief, of a generation and two generations

if not three generations of children who are orphaned and then sire orphans

and of situations that do not seem solvable this side of the grave.

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When ever I pass by the road with Mr. Husband,

I list off the names of the people who used to live there and 

who do not anymore,

the family of orphans has left years ago.

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I have letters from one of these children that I found in a box

of things I was going through as part of my stay at my parents this year

and I am still sad seeing those letters, or the pictures,

knowing that those children are grown, are long outside of my life and

still suffering as adults.

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I understand more as time goes on,

as I myself will be 39 now, how

I could not help them as much as I wished, when I was

not yet an adult myself,

and how even now I am still learning to understand

where the lines are in terms of giving to others and what I can 

and cannot give....

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It's not easy, is it?

To know what one can offer another and what things are 

beyond one's capacity.  I would say this is one 

of the biggest lessons I have been learning in the last years and see now

how I have been learning these lessons on and off for years now.

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Last I heard of the continuing suffering of the orphaned children

was over 3 years ago, when Mr Husband and I were still dating

and he called only to find me weeping at the 

last sadness of this story that had come our way,

months after it had come to that family...

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I remember, those many years ago, really over 20 years now,

how I saw how beautiful the land is and 

indeed, I treasure that picture I took this week

and yet, that house is a picture of so much pain.

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We all have things in our lives that cause grief and

even things that we can't resolve for ourselves, our families and

really, one just goes on best one can,

with as much love, respect and care that one can give.

And with prayer....

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I am seeing too that it is possible to build a life

of meaning and beauty even after seeing such sadness

in the lives of others and how the pain ricocheted into the lives

of many who you love.

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Beauty and hope, they are still with us.

God is still with us....