This has to be one of the most beautiful pictures I have
of this house, one near my parents.
We all have times in our lives when we are suddenly
thrown for a series of loops so large and incomprehensible
that it is hard to process, even years later.
I can't write much about this one,
as most of the story is not mine to tell.
But it is of loss of a Mother of young children,
it is of unresolved grief, of a generation and two generations
if not three generations of children who are orphaned and then sire orphans
and of situations that do not seem solvable this side of the grave.
When ever I pass by the road with Mr. Husband,
I list off the names of the people who used to live there and
who do not anymore,
the family of orphans has left years ago.
I have letters from one of these children that I found in a box
of things I was going through as part of my stay at my parents this year
and I am still sad seeing those letters, or the pictures,
knowing that those children are grown, are long outside of my life and
still suffering as adults.
I understand more as time goes on,
as I myself will be 39 now, how
I could not help them as much as I wished, when I was
not yet an adult myself,
and how even now I am still learning to understand
where the lines are in terms of giving to others and what I can
and cannot give....
It's not easy, is it?
To know what one can offer another and what things are
beyond one's capacity. I would say this is one
of the biggest lessons I have been learning in the last years and see now
how I have been learning these lessons on and off for years now.
Last I heard of the continuing suffering of the orphaned children
was over 3 years ago, when Mr Husband and I were still dating
and he called only to find me weeping at the
last sadness of this story that had come our way,
months after it had come to that family...
I remember, those many years ago, really over 20 years now,
how I saw how beautiful the land is and
indeed, I treasure that picture I took this week
and yet, that house is a picture of so much pain.
We all have things in our lives that cause grief and
even things that we can't resolve for ourselves, our families and
really, one just goes on best one can,
with as much love, respect and care that one can give.
And with prayer....
I am seeing too that it is possible to build a life
of meaning and beauty even after seeing such sadness
in the lives of others and how the pain ricocheted into the lives
of many who you love.
Beauty and hope, they are still with us.
God is still with us....