Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Challenges and Questions

I think the informal interview went well. They have to ensure that the funding will be available before the contract can be offered. I should know by next Tuesday.

I was really exhausted after the interview; it was strange to be back at the library where I started my career. (As it is a government library, it is not open to the public; I had not been back since I left two years ago).

I have a lot of questions yet and I am discovering that they are big questions.

Questions about the meaning of life and one's identity. Work and career in this century define what is means to be a person. I do not think this should be but it must be acknowledged that this happens.

I feel like I am walking around with a tear in the middle of my being - who am I? what does God want me to be? I thought identity crisis happened when someone was, well, older than I.

Questions of can I find a job that will not kill me; will I have to move? None of this is resolved. I love where I may be working. I even learned that the job they would have me in they are making into a real job. Just like last time I was there. The problem: I cannot even apply for the job because I am not bilingual.

This is hard.

I love English literature, but my sense is that the financial risk to try to be a professor, and the grueling pace that is involved, is not something I am up for.

So...if I am supposed to be a librarian, how am I to get a job in Ottawa without intensive French training?

What does it mean to be a working professional? To what am I working towards, other than paying off my school loans and rent and food? What does it mean to be a single Orthodox Christian woman in this century?

These are questions I am asking.


E Helena E said...

Good to hear that the interview went well!
Bilingualism in the federal government workplace can be a real farce. Don't let that detract you, if you feel God is leading you back in this direction. It's been said that if "they" want you enough, they can change the language requirements to "non-imperative".

elizabeth said...

Yes. But that leads me to the question of why they did not do this last time. And why they said they had no choice but to do it that way. It is an fully bilingual work place (and known as an orgnaization to be quite francophone) so I do not know that they will really cater to me, etc.

I will do my best meanwhile...

E Helena E said...

Frustrating glimmmers and half-glimpses and stoppings and startings and puzzlements....

Yet they do want you back!

My prayers continue...

Pres. Kathy said...

You are in our prayers. All we can say as Orthodox Christians is to let God's Will be done.

Michael Hermann said...

My experience Elizabeth is, God's will is done, even if it is against our will. That is my experience. I am where I am, where I need to be, because it is not only God's will, but because God has willed / made it so.

The challenge as I see it is seeing it, and ascenting to God's will / saying "Amen" to God acting in our lives.

I believe God's will, will be done in your life to. Prayer - I'll continue to pray for you.

Meadowlark Days said...

I understand all of your questions and think about them often myself - thanks for sharing!

elizabeth said...

Thanks K... yes... they are not easy questions! Glad to know you have them too!