Monday, May 05, 2008

If people were not praying...

I sware I would be dead!

exaggerating MAYBE. but really, I do not know how people survive without God; even when I am shaken, even deeply shaken, God always does something to up hold me.

Thank you Mimi for praying to St. Xenia of Petersberg for me. This means a lot. Her icon was the first one i ever bought, a small lovely one. it is right next to my icon of the Theotokos on the right and my icon of the Crucifixion on the left. (I have some icons on a shelf, with tea lights in front; I find that the icons need to be just above my immediate eye level, or there abouts).

For those who may not know, St. Xenia is a fool for Christ who lived in St. Petersberg and she chose to be homeless and prayed a LOT. Her prayers are still felt and effective for jobs, houses, spouses, protection of children. We recently got a beautiful handwritten icon of her in my Church here in Ottawa. I felt so relieved when she was brought in to Church!

Well. no new job news. I took a test today for a government competition; I did not do that well, but I also do not really want the job, as opposed to others... I went shopping - yes - again. I do not go shopping that much (really) but I wanted a new spring shirt for my second round interview. I got a nice purple one - light with a bright summer-spring feel - and I bought my second ever nice pair of black pants - and - to my delight - a long sleeved button down black shirt with fabric that I think will not collect Cleo hair as quickly! When you have a non-pure breed long haired Himalayan Cat with Blue Eyes, this becomes a consideration! I really should get a digital camera someday so I can post a picture. Of course then I would have to figure out how to do so... :)

I am seriously excited about this black shirt, as I wear black shirts under various work jackets (or blazers, depending on what term is being used). I am so excited, I may go back and buy another. I have not found a good black shirt in a long time and my older blackshirts are really shabby now.

One thing that I find I struggle with, which I think a lot of people do, when I have interviews is suddenly being worried about what I LOOK like. Suddenly blush colour, lip colour, hair cuts, and clothes mean something.

Sigh. But I am so glad that God loves me despite of it all and I am so glad for the Saints as well.

When I think of all the spiritual support I have in the Orthodox Church, I wonder why my faith is so small when I am in job transition. But at the same time, it is good to see how little I am and how weak; the hope is that I will gain humility from this. I have been learning more this year how the Church Fathers consider humility to be one of the most important things. And I have been being taught that humility and love are directly linked, the two sides of the same coin.

In all these things, I thank God for His mercy!