I was up early, lighting candles, listening to prayers, emptying the
dishwasher of clean dishes, folding laundry, getting ready for
going to the thrift store with a really good local friend...
I found the cozy super 'comfy' white cotton knit blanket,
a grey vest for Mr Husband and a purple blouse for me, all
just 3 cents less than 13 dollars, so a pretty good price!
***
I was really missing (or noticing that I was missing) Cleo Cat today.
I keep thinking I see her at home,
as if I am subconsciously looking for her and am so excited
for a brief second when I think I have found her and then realize
I am still utterly mistaken and Cleo Cat is still gone, buried in our friends garden.
I told my Mom on the phone that I wish I knew how long that would last,
that I would keep thinking I found her or saw her in our house.
'Oh there you are Cleo, where were you hiding? I would often
say to her as she did love hiding, esp in the later years.
Today I wore the black jacket I wore when we said goodbye and later
buried her. It still had lots of fur on it in long strands.
I could not bring myself to clean the hairs off, but by the time I got back home,
most of them were gone.
***
So my Husband and I had a, most likely very humorous, conversation about Cleo.
In the end the result was a re-affirmation that God never loses anything or
forgets anything so He has not lose track of Cleo or anything else.
And if it is in my best interest in Heaven, then Cleo and I would be reunited
but if it were not, then we would not, but no matter what,
God would not lose Cleo in anyway.
My Husband understandably realizes that
Heaven is way beyond our understanding.
I was really happy by this conversation, as it unfolded because of my belief
in God as our Heavenly Father and that He is good, that He loves mankind;
that He is full of loving-kindness and that the animals look to Him
for their food in due season, as the Psalms say.
So if one trusts God as one's fully trustworthy unwavering faithful
Heavenly Father and that He is good and loving,
then knowing that He is taking care of Cleo and that in Heaven
He will have what is the absolute best then I don't have to worry.
It's just crazy how much I miss that Cat sometimes;
I have turned a corner but I don't always know what the corners in grief
look like. I miss knowing that Cleo is OK, that she is not lost or hurting in anyway.
I always looked for her before i went to bed, esp as sometimes she could get
locked in our office if she snuck in there when Mr Husband did not notice.
She was allowed in there, but not overnight as she could be naughty and get on tables
and such and we did not want her messing up my Husband's work space!
Sometimes all of a sudden I would hear this piteous 'meow' and realize that
Cleo has woke from her nap and was locked in the office again!
***
Well. I am going to visit family soon.
I always have this pull towards home when I am about to leave it
for a short bunch of days.
But soon, I will be back. I just wish my Cleo Cat would be there to
greet me or even to 'yell' at me for leaving her!
***
I am still doing the 'firsts'
and it is just going to take more time.
The picture of the book page is from Gladys Taber's book.
I am quite enjoying it, even though I had a significant
disagreement with it.
She still has a lot of practical wisdom about grieving in it.
***
I won't have much time to write in the coming days but if I can,
will post a little photo essay (with little or no words) of things I saw at
The Cloisters.
***
God bless and keep you all!
***
Ps: saw this video today and liked it!
