Another Day, Another Walk and Hope for Another Day

 

I managed a 2+ mile walk...

I am reading a book that I mentioned, 

Atomic Habits,

I like that he talks about small changes can produce

the bigger change you want to have.

It's giving me a tool for reflection,

now that I am getting much better, 

where do I go from here, sort of questions.

How do I go from point A (current life) to point B and beyond?

***

What does that even look like for my personal life?

I am making some changes, but they are so new,

I am not going to write about them...

but one I will mention just has to do with thoughts

basically from 

I know I have to do this but don't want to 

to 

I want to do what I know I have to do,

and get to this point:

I really want to do my life's path and obey God

to

Joy in obeying God, the joy of doing God's will.

I think this is a process and of course, since I believe in God,

I also think there are those who don't want me to get to that point

of joyful obedience and gladness of God's will for my life

but that's exactly what I need to go towards.

***

I know it's terrible that I have to get to that point instead of BEING at that 

point ... however, part of my reason for writing about it is that 

it will help me get back to it.

I think I had that joy before, not perfect but more than now,

when I had 3 years of illness, mistakes, confusion and such.

***

I need to learn to reorient my heart to thanksgiving.

***

And build things into my life that will help.

***

Maybe I can't have everything I wish in terms of a life

that just works as planned (LOL, that never happens it seems)

but maybe I can still have more of what I wish.

Which is stability of purpose, of mind, of will.

***

This song...

THE DEER'S CRY, RITA CONNOLLY SINGS AT POWERS COURT

this is really what it's all about...

***

One of the things that is happening is that I *am* more where

I wanted to be than before.

The constant internal pain and fear is not with me like it was.

The sense of just feeling like myself is more here.

I just need to keep going in that direction,

which is going to involved changes in my days but 

espeically changes in my heart, in my thoughts,

from feeling a despair and deep brokeness to 

more of a stability of purpose and hope,

and onwards...

***

Well, here's to the next day and the next minute,

cups of tea, hope in God, and thinking of how

I can continue to rebuild my life... 

***

ps: Greta, I know of the Catholic prayers of offering up one's 

suffering and I think it is beautiful. My Husband's father,

older than you are, also does a lot of prayer walks...

I am not sure how to describe mine but they have to do with prayer

but perhaps differnetly at this point in my life...