A Week Later

 

We had a lot of hot Chinese pepper soup (glass noodle) and chicken noodle soup this week.

I was so sick a week ago. 

Saturday I could barely walk, I was so weak.

A week later, Sunday, I walked over 3 miles.

I hope to get back to being able to do 5 miles soon, but one thing at a time.

I have had a lot of realizations in this time of sickness and hope to launch into a new stage of healing from what has been nearly 3 of the most difficult years of my life. 

I am asking God in a new way for healing, for hope for better, and especially for strength to believe that God can continue to heal me and strength to believe in the abilities God has given me and everyone for healing. 

***

I am learning about neuroplasticity and that our brains can be rewired.

I am realizing how I would panic and think the same trauma that I went through nearly 3 years ago was happening again; but this time I realized that this is a false tape playing in my brain for too long and I can cut it out and destroy it.

Because I will not lose my memory through taking medicine like I did because I will never take that medicine again.  

While I knew that, my shattered system did not. 

But now I feel like I see it better and am truly ready for the next stage of healing, which is to learn to think differently and have faith, hope and love basically in a stronger form, in me, slowly, by God's mercy and grace alone. 

***

I have been thinking of Corrie ten Boom a lot.

She went through unthinkable horrors and survived and thrived. 

I am realizing that her prayer life and constant focus on Christ and meditating on God's Words and Promises were a huge part of her own inner healing and why she stayed as well as she did during her time of hell in the concentration camps that killed countless numbers of people during WWII. 

***

And her obedience to Christ and forgiveness of those who caused the suffering, the trauma, this also was part of her healing. 

***

So I am asking God for help in new ways.

***

And I am writing about it here because it's a path of healing for me and it's my current prayer request:

that I can have the strength to have the faith and ability to change, to think differently, to admit that I will have the temptation of PtSD triggers but I don't have to go there.

I can learn instead to trust God to heal my mind, my spirit, my heart. 

And then, one day, I Hope, I can speak to another person about how God healed me and how there is hope for healing for others. 

***

Please pray for me in this.

I know once you realize the next step of what you want, there's going to be challenges to it. 

But Christ, as Corrie ten Boom wrote so often, Christ is the Victor and we need not fear.....