Many thoughts, not a lot of time

I have a paper due tomorrow, have not started it yet—I applied for a job that was last minute in posting and it took most of yesterday. I finally got almost all of the bursary that I was promised in June and I am very grateful to God for this. There is so much for me to do right now with job and school stuff.

Overall I am feeling much better than I have since I left Ottawa in May; of course being in Ottawa for 10 days helped! I really felt like I had come home and it was so good to be in my church again. I am anxious to have a job so that I can get an apartment and begin my life in Ottawa in earnest.

I am trusting God as I feel that I cannot do much else than what I am doing now…

In Ottawa

It was a wonderful weekend of being back in my church; it really is like my home now. I think I am still in a bit of shock that I actually am back; wow. Tears did come down face in vespers and liturgy. Sometimes a head covering can be a good thing for privacy when returning to church. I kept telling my friends I am staying with currently that I feel like I have been living in an alternate universe, while I am at school. It is strange to know that for the summer I am in a different city, apartment and am back in the role of student hood.

Meanwhile I am working on making a brochure for my consumer health class and am slowly doing some job things. I have an interview that does contracts for librarians tomorrow at 1 pm. All Prayers Welcome!

Oh, and speaking of prayer, my former priest in London Ontario who retired last September, Fr. Gregory, has been diagnosed with throat cancer -- the growth in his throat appeared in 4 weeks, the 4th week being so large that he could barely swallow. David P. will remember him from his time there last fall while he was studying in Ontario.

Please pray.

And please if you can pray for my friend Meredith too; she is a young mother with cancer in her back.

Even if you just pray today, while you are reading this, that is significant.

I am thankful to God that we can support each other in prayer.

Here to say

Well. Someday, I say, someday: I will be more grown up than I am right now. I would say Lord Willing [DV] but I believe this is indeed what God is quite willing to do within me. I look forward to this; when I handle stress better, when I can be aware of myself and my needs (being centred) and by so doing (and getting better at it) being able to be more present to others. Perhaps I am mixed up in this, but as of yet I do not think so.

Sometimes I think if I knew what I wanted or needed than I would be quicker to know what I am to do in various circumstances. Of course this only works if I remember what the main goal is – to be untied with Christ.

To be honest I have yet to learn how to do this in my daily life, when I am at school working or worrying; I do pray, sometimes, and beg for mercy, but union with Christ; constant and continual abiding in Him and living in His presence regardless of where I am: wow. I have not even begun.

Lord have mercy and please ‘grow me up!’

Better

I took a ‘mental health morning’ and rested, talked to my sister, finished re-reading an Amanda Cross novel and went into school this afternoon.

Now I am tired and finishing a paper. I am really quite exhausted. I am going to Ottawa – it has worked out – and I look forward to this.

I read a blog entry from a person in Baghdad; so much unbelievable tragedy. I thought of them and prayed…

Makes my littler worries seem little indeed.

Stress Level High

Well. I am hoping to go to Ottawa but now I do not know for sure if I can go; I feel in such an unstable place and do not know what to do!

I am slowly working on a paper, meanwhile. It is so hard to get everything done when in school; I am tired and longing for a greater stability in my life.

Ironic, as really so much of my life is so good, esp. when one thinks of all of the people in the world who are suffering…

How is it that my (and other classmates) stress levels can be so high and yet we still have it so good?!

Jane Kenyon’s Husband

I just found out that my favourite poet’s husband (my favourite poet being Jane Kenyon, who has passed away from leukemia in 1995) Donald Hall, another one of my favourite poets and essayists, is the US poet laureate this year. I am very pleased. I read about it in a two page article in the New York Times, published today, July 6 06. (Sorry I am not bothering to find out how to link to it). (Note: I am not in anyway trying to take away from Donald Hall himself by refering to him as Jane Kenyon's Husband; actually Jane was often, as I have read, referred to as Donald Hall's wife, instead of poet, as Donald is older than she and had published first).

There is two lovely pictures in the article; one of many of the books in his New England home; I immediately felt the sense of “yes, this is what I want”… an old feeling place, with a bit of austere New England, and books everywhere. Yes, I love books.

I picked up three new to me books today – that a fellow classmate was giving away – and one of them is an early edition of Steinbeck’s The Wayward Bus, published in 1947. I admit I had not heard of this book before, and wonder if it is in print. (I can find out easily, since I do have LIS (library) training. It reminds me that I never did finish reading travels with charley which I was reading a few summers ago when I was shelving at a public library in the States. I think I took it with me to London to Library School, but it fell to the side, as the course work was quite heavy.

I can’t wait to have all of my books in one place…

Back to Donald Hall – his book of essays, Seasons at Eagle Pond, is a wonderful collection; also his book lifework, a prose work about his life as writer, is quite good. FYI, he wrote the children’s book ox-cart man.

So many good books; I eagerly await the day DV when I will have all of mine together (including the 4 I got today that someone did not want)… : )

Ottawa, the city of my heart

How’s that for a sappy title? :) I am going DV (Lord Willing) in a week’s time for a week! And hopefully 2 WEEKENDS. This means being at my church there 2 weekends; very exciting. Happy me! And tomorrow I am getting my hair cut – the group graduation photo is this Monday! I will be there smiling, DV, thinking, I actually made it to this point, amazing!

I have a LOT of work to do meanwhile – I think I have 5 things due in the next 2-3 weeks, which is not tons, but one of the things I am doing is a pathfinder and I will have to find 50 sources for it. (a pathfinder is a research aid on a particular topic, FYI).

And this weekend my parents and brother DV are coming to see my Oma, who is 97, and my Aunt and Uncle and me – we will all stay at my Aunt and Uncle’s place over night; I am very excited about this too. And I will get to see pictures that my mom got developed for me…

So when I am in Ottawa I will be going to different libraries for work/networking. I also hope to go to at least one other job agency—and I am going to get a cell phone with an Ottawa number. Please pray for me – I am really hoping to secure at least a short term contract by September so that I can move into an apartment with my cat Cleo.

I do honestly feel bad that I am leaving my cat for a week. I am getting people to check in on her daily, but I still feel bad. She will really miss me; she missed me like crazy last time.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to help my cat – esp. also in August when I will be moving (have no idea what I will all be doing – if I will be going to MI for a bit, when/how I am moving to Ottawa; how I am getting Cleo with me, etc) please let me know…

Meanwhile, I better go photocopy some things for my paper that I am working on that is due this coming week…

My Cute Cat

I am sitting on my bed at home, propped up with many pillows, dressed in my nice long khaki-ish skirt and black shirt (I have a presentation to be part of this afternoon) and am typing up a one page paper on my laptop. Cleo is lying on my skirt, right next to my legs, behind my laptop. So cute! I like it that she likes to be by me; she especially appears to like to be with me on my bed when my laptop is out (She also hangs out with me when I am watching a DVD movie on it).

Cleo is quite the smart cat too—she knows when I get the cereal box out that it means “milk” and she will stay on the chair next to my chair, sitting up like a pretty cat princess, waiting for me to give her the last drops of milk left in the bowl. I guess I am a pretty indulgent cat owner, for I do let her have these last drops. Usually Cleo gets lots of attention from me – an early morning and later evening brushing, and lots of pets and the like in between. I feel really lucky to have my lovely Cute Cat Cleo; so often I still can hardly believe that she is mine, it is really a dream come true to have her.

Well, back to writing my paper…

one day, one inch, one mile...

Saturday night I only slept a few hours; I could not fall asleep again; my friend thought it was stress. Could be! I decided that I was not going to write this week’s paper for my archives course so that I could do the security clearance (things have been so busy that I have not had a chance to do this yet) and would give me a little more time and hopefully less stress.

I have to finish a paper and then go home and cook… what to make is another question…

As it is July now I hope that this month will be a new beginning and that good things will come this month – like maybe more peace! I think this would be a good thing…

One day, one prayer, at a time meanwhile…