Goodbye January 2026 * thank you for the blessings

I woke up on this Saturday the last day of January 2026 as usual before my beloved husband. I enjoyed a small pot of caffeinated tea. I chose yorkshire's Biscuit Brew this morning. It was so good with my lactose-free milk. I read some of Dorothy Sayers, a cloud of witnesses, which I've read before. Isn't this the most gorgeous copy of it? I love everything about it, the color of the style that it's hardcover and that the pages are good quality. And it's so funny and witty that beginning. I just love it. Peter Whimsy is just arrived on the scene at his brother's place. I felt a feeling I'd forgotten about. It was the feeling that I used to feel when I was younger. It was fun to revisit that feeling. It was that I was reading something fun that was British and a bit sophisticated in a unstated way. And that I was eating something fancy. Meaning my tea. And I ate dry toast with my egg salad on top and it was perfect. In other words, I felt satisfied, happy, and I guess rather urban in a youthful, perhaps vainglorious way that I rarely feel nowadays. So it was fun and kind of funny at the same time to experience it today unexpectedly.

For lunch we had leftovers from the Chinese takeout we had gotten. It was perfect sick person food because it was spicy and helped get gunk out of us. It's one of our secret tricks is to have spicy Chinese food when we're sick like this. 

Yesterday I read Elsie's offline algorithm-free report and in it, she linked to an amazing hour-long video of a overhaul of a schoolhouse over 4 years into a home. It's a 100-year-old building in Indiana. During my I need to rest because I'm sick day yesterday I watched it. I too was transfixed. It's a very well done video and a very interesting life trajectory of this young couple. I enjoyed watching a little more today of some other videos. There's some repetition but they were very fun to watch and interesting. I watched some of them while making soup! Thank the Lord. I was able to make this simple soup that I hope to make yesterday that I wrote about wishing to make.

So I had two little Pyrex containers in my butter drawer in my fridge of butter. So I melted those chopped up an onion and added the organic baby carrots rainbow colored. Usually we don't buy these baby carrots because they're actually chemically washed to get to be the way they are usually. So however! Because I was sick I took an easy way out. Next time I will just buy pre-chopped organic carrots which are grocery delivery service will provide and be happy that we're paying them to chop them. I know that's ridiculous and over the top but when you're sick it sure is nice. So the picture above the collage which I figured out that I can make with Google photos very easily shows the steps. 

Step 1 wasn't totally shown which I just mentioned that is melt the butter and then saute onion, barley chopped garlic cloves (3) and put the carrots in. Because I used a very large pan. I added some water pretty quickly so that the butter didn't burn. If I'd used my Dutch oven, I would not have had perhaps to add this water because I don't think the butter would have burnt as easily. But the thing is my Dutch oven which I rarely use actually. It's a gorgeous, unique shape by staub that we got on an amazing sale years ago. 75% off actually! But the thing is it's heavy. And this pan is not. So eventually I added probably an inch or more of water and I just let it simmer away and tell the carrots were fairly soft. It took a while. 

Step 2. Before the carrots were super soft, I added three jars from the freezer mason jars quart size, which means the if it was fully liquid it would be a good inch and a half or more from the top so that it had room to freeze and expand. Anyway, I added three of those which I've gotten out and thawed enough to get out.  

Step 3. I added the box of Applegate pre-cooked and cut up chicken. I cut an organic lemon in half and made sure there was no stickers on it. I put that in the soup after squeezing lemon juice out of it. And getting any seeds out before putting it in the soup. Then I let it all cook for a good while. The lemon really added a nice "zing" to it.

Step 4 was unexpected. It was after my husband asked if I added the celery. I had meant buy container of onion, carrots and celery all chopped together from my grocery delivery service. However, I made a mistake and ordered just chopped celery. Organic at that! It ended up being a perfect mistake and I added it at the very end. My husband suggested rightly that I should add more water in case more boiled off and I added some better than bullion liquid, basically chicken bullion, to make more broth by then adding boiling water. So then I threw all the chopped celery on top boiled it more on low and the celery basically melted into the soup. I took out the lemon before it was served.

And then it was done and enjoyed by both of us today. 

While the soup was cooking, I managed to get out my baskets which always have the linens in them from our closet. And then I got out a bunch of our new candles and put them in. I always do it that way so I know that the baskets I have fit what I'm taking. And yes that is a lot of candles. We're taking it to church tomorrow for the next day. That way they go in the car! They'll come back God willing by cab! My godson and others will help me on that end on Monday God willing.  

I later closed these boxes after getting the candles in for tomorrow. 

So they are all ready to go now. 

I rather love Google photos giving photo memories. This one from 8 years ago which I screenshotted was fun to see! I remember winning that little sachet of tea. Really good. Tea was something I was still getting into back then and this was one of them. 

I've been listening to a lot of music today that is calming and beautiful. This one called 

Do you feel loved?

Is beautiful and I've had on repeat. YouTube is good with that. 

In the midst of it after breakfast, I started writing what I would call a practice essay. I can write really quickly if I get an idea. And I'd had one percolating for a while. So I wrote about nine pages. That's a lot, but that's how it happens sometimes.  

I'm really excited to get back to my Einstein book. This author also wrote two on another physicist. I got these two books from my NYC library. This quote "semester" in my life, I'm devoting a lot of it to quantum physics. I will never understand how to do the science of it or the math, but I can understand concepts if they're explained clearly. David C. Cassidy so far, with the Einstein book, is an excellent writer. My understanding of his 1992 book on Heisenberg called Uncertainty is that it's from his doctorate and a bit more technical. His later book much more recent called Beyond Uncertainty is an updated version of that and also more accessible from what he the author himself says. I'm guessing he grew as an author as well. His Einstein book if I remember correctly, that's in this picture, it was written between these two books. I'm reading it slowly underlining and going back and writing notes in a journal that I have for my writing project on physics. So in other words I'm reading it slowly, but because of that I'm really getting a lot out of it. And he's putting things in a way that make a lot more sense to me personally than other books I read 2 years ago or even recently. So I'm really excited about that! And I found a potential link for what I've written already in my first draft with what I'm reading now and that of course is quite exciting! 

So that was a pretty amazing Saturday! And unusually we didn't go to vespers. Plowing has been so so and there was no parking because we live in the city. And it was bitterly cold. Because of that I was able to get everything done. I'm so excited God willing to have candles blessed soon!  

I'm not over being sick yet but clearly God gave me the grace and strength to do a lot today. The soup is basically cooled now and I will put it in covered in the big pot in my fridge. Tomorrow. Hopefully I can take care of that. I hope to freeze some of that soup for emergency soup for later. I'll be getting more groceries delivered Monday night. 

So that wraps up January! I basically had a run of almost a month of not being sick and after being sick for 2 months that was rather nice. That I'm sick again now is something I just have to accept. 

Because I was able to make the soup, I canceled the homemade soup from my grocery delivery service.  I would have ordered just that but it had been out of stock when we ordered for our Friday delivery. We're trying to reschedule the two things we had to cancel this weekend and we'll see how that goes.  

It's silly how I sometimes want to rush through things. Will I ever learn to just pay attention? To enjoy each day? I think blogging and taking pictures helps with that. I know I look back at my blog from years ago and it all looks so nice. I have to work to remember the backstory and how there were times of real suffering that I didn't blog directly about. 

But I'm thankful for today and for the music I discovered today. I had already listened to music by this author that I linked to above. But I had never heard the particular song I linked to before today. Music has become very important to me and something that gives me a lot of strength and steadiness. I'm grateful to God for that. 

May God have mercy on all of us as we enter a new month! Hard to believe we will be in the second month of the new year already! Our February is forecasted to be very cold. I think there'll still be a lot of illness because of that. I remember in Elizabeth Goudge's novel The Scent of Water. There was an older couple that every winter they had fear because of the illness that they would suffer. I understand that more now that I'm older. How easy it is to get ill in these months. And it's not just for the elderly clearly. 

May God have mercy on us!

(note: I wrote most of this on my phone by what I call 'talk texting' so sometimes my Grammer or spelling my not be right because I did not read over this as carefully as I should; but it's late and I must get to bed!) 

thankfulness, changing soup plans and hoping this is a shorter illness than last time

 

Here's my thankfulness for today. 

1. Agatha Christie book The mystery of the Blue Train (1928)

2. Groceries delivered so thankful!

3. I got my yearly shipment of beeswax candles! 

4. Next week is fast free week. I I have ordered some sliced beef for sandwiches! 

5. The care and love of family and friends 

6. Soup 

7. Hot tea 

8. Honey 

9. Sumo citrus 

I'm hoping for the strength to make soup tomorrow. I got three jars of homemade chicken broth from our freezer in the garage. I have some vegetables already prepared but would need to chop up an onion and some garlic. This in general isn't a big deal, but when you have a cold and have that level of fatigue, it's more difficult. 

About the  Avgolemono — Greek Lemon Chicken Soup. - I appreciate the comment that the egg will not show up in taste.  I believe it.  But I can't do it now.  One, the egg has to be room temp and the recipe is new enough and I am now down for the count, and I just can't do anything new.  I no longer have the strength or wish to.  I hope to when I am better.  

My husband wisely suggested that I buy pre-cooked chicken from Applegate, a well-known brand here in the States. So all I would have to do was saute the vegetables put in the three things of broth and the chicken and I would have the soup.  I just hope I will be able to make it.  I am coughing a lot now, my energy levels have tanked and I don't know how well I will sleep tonight.

I managed to do the dishes today except the dinner dishes that were dirtied after the dishwasher was running. I've napped and rested and read. I feel incredibly blessed.  

I'm still going through a grieving process and it's rather confusing in a lot of ways but it is something I just have to go through. 

I got news of a dear friend's illness day. That was quite the surprise. But not a surprise to God. 

We were going to have a very busy weekend with Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. All days having things to do. Now, both lunches Saturday and Sunday will have to be rescheduled. We're going to stay home all day. Tomorrow is going to be very cold and the roads are not properly cleared and we're not well enough to take light rail at the moment.  

I hope however very much to go to liturgy both Sunday and Monday. Monday I hope to get candles blessed.  But I don't know.  Our plans and wishes don't always work out the way we hope.  One of my friends said that where she is, people are getting the flu and it takes 2 months to recover.  I have no idea how long I will be ill.  All I know is I can trust God in the middle of it. 

About G-J question about me as librarian.  YES. I was a reader as a child.  YES. libraries inspired me to become a librarian in many ways. And a certain librarian actually, at my Univeristy.  But the Reason I did it was more practical: I graduated with a BA Hons English and had no job skills and had a hard time finding a job.  So my MLIS degree was really because I needed to become employable.  I was very fortunate, Canada pays librarians more than the States and overall I was OK - though I did go through an unemployment stretch that was difficult because Ottawa requires French for a lot of jobs and I do not know French.  I just loved Ottawa, Canada and my life there.  God sent me the totally right beloved Husband for me and I moved to New Jersey over 13 years ago now and here I am.  Now I get to do my big dream: write my dream book.  Which will take me many more years.   A lot of what I read (esp. nonfiction) is for that project.  

Meanwhile, I have to get over this illness and see what is next.  

One moment at a time with God's mercy. May God have mercy on us all!

Cold is a comin'

It seems that I am succumbing to a cold.  

So today is going to include a lot of rest.  I really wanted my grocery delivery chicken soup but it was sold out for today delivery.  It's back now but delivery spots for the weekend are sold out.  

I can't decide when to get it on Monday because it's Candlemas at my local church.  So it I keep the order it's coming later on Monday. I really wanted it for tomorrow.  Something to trust God about. 

🙏🕯️

things I am thankful for

Well sickness is definitely here.  

But I feel so blessed in the midst.

The piece of citrus you see in my hand in the picture above is from a sumo citrus which was created in Japan. Google says that it is mandarin hybrid that is a cross between a "mandarin, navel orange, and pomelo".  We got one free from our grocery delivery service after they were advertising them as basically the queen of citrus but very expensive! It's very good. The taste is very distinctive, juicy and sweet but not too sweet.

It's kind of like what you would dream of citrus being like. Like if you hadn't had it. I'm thinking of the movie Christmas Oranges Where one orange at the orphanage was a very special gift and something a child had probably never tasted before. So it was a thing of wonder. This citrus is like that. So they were having a sale two for five which is still expensive. That's $2.50 per citrus! But then they had another discount so it was two for four basically.  So half of one is $1! That's still expensive to me! I think to most people!  We got two as a treat. 

But I know I can do that because we are blessed that way.  I remember when I was really struggling and my mom bought me a vegetable peeler that I asked for for Christmas. I still have it. It was years ago when I had job loss and then that terrible tax bill and for a while I didn't know if I'd even be able to pay for my rent for my apartment. So when my vegetable peeler broke I didn't replace it.  So when I can buy a special treat like an expensive citrus I'm very aware of it. I'm very honored.  

And I'm also very grateful because we're ordering some takeout food because we're sick. One of us more than the other actually. But there's some Chinese soup that's very spicy and helps with congestion issues. 

I'm back to reading Einstein and our world by David Cassidy. I really enjoy it!

Do you see the mystery book I posted above? I found that book on, I don't know how to describe this either... When I'm walking to our local church, there's brownstones. These brown stones have usually a cement garden in front as it were. It's often literally just cement. And then there's a kind of fence. But the fence is basically a huge cement block for the first part and then may have an actual metal fence above. That huge cement block is almost like a mini table. And people put things they don't want on them for free. So I literally was walking last Saturday before the storm to CVS (pharmacy, store) my grocery store and then to church. I had such a good walk. It was really fun! It was before any of the snow came. And as I was walking there was that book just sitting there on the cement block fence in the cold. It looked really fun so I grabbed it and put it in my cart and kept going. 

Well, it's a recently published book. The cover and the title make me laugh. I'd never heard of the author. He loves dogs, sports and Hollywood and money.  It's not necessarily deeply intellectual. And there are some choice words at times be warned.  But the story itself was pretty straightforward. Set in New Jersey near New York City a retired lawyer ends up helping a friend who becomes famous and then is framed for murder. At least that's what the lawyer's hoping as he takes her case. 

Anyway, it has some very dramatic scenes where the good guys and the bad guys have a brief fight and I can see why these are liked. Because everyone likes to see the good win.  And it's dramatic and I'm not sure the right word. I understood that it's something that makes you feel good, like "yeah, so there the good guys win!" even though the main character would be a sitting duck without his very strong friends!  I found the ending perfect and I was left with a feeling of happiness. And I think that's actually quite a feat in a book. 

And I think because it was really straightforward good/bad in a world that is familiar and in many ways reminded me of Perry Mason which is the black and white, especially from decades back are something I find comforting. I know I'm grieving when I'm watching. Perry Mason. 🤣😳🧐🤔

I was feeling a little the anxiety you get when you feel that the storm has come, which is illness in this case, and you want something to comfort you in a strong way. Well for me that means tea and I got out my most expensive tin of tea that I was given a few years ago and had a pot of this English breakfast tea! I actually used the tea bag twice. It's a smaller teapot for one thing. With the first teapot which of course which was the strongest. I got out one of my last tea and sympathy mince pies from 2022! I accidentally burnt the top of my mouth with it towards the front just behind the front teeth... 🤣🙃 (I'd gotten it from the freezer and put it in the microwave but I made it too hot by mistake!)  Opps... Nevertheless, it was delicious and comforting!  

Tomorrow I'm getting more groceries delivered, including things to make a huge pot of chicken soup.  I'm thinking me of making a version of this soup: Avgolemono — Greek Lemon Chicken Soup.  Except the one recipe I found includes eggs and my husband doesn't like eggs so I'm not going to try that...

Sickness happening all over. I think this is a rough winter. It looks like the rest of the month is going to be very cold here in New Jersey. And I know people all over who are sick right now. 

I think this heightens my gratefulness for everything we have.  So a lot to be thankful for! May God have mercy on us! 

We Shall See

The air was so cold yesterday.

It is feared that illness is visiting our home again.

We had plans for a lunch Saturday and Sunday here.

I am already holding out little hope for them; 

it just seems that when sickness comes, it does not leave for a while.

I am concerned and doing my best...

***

I finished a book; I have thought about it, wrote about it for myself but

not here.  But it made clear that it is not an easy thing to know

what it means to love others who see the world quite

differently than you do. 

The author's eyes looked so kind; and so they are; but yet

it's like we are on different planets. 

***

The book I have been talking about at length is quite different... 

***

I finished my re-reading of Dragons in the Waters by Madeleine L'Engle.

I liked it as always; I read it because it has to do with

coming to terms with the frailty of us all and 

how to love the one who is real and not

the idol that one wanted to create. 

***

Meanwhile, I have gotten out chicken soup from our freezer

and more chicken broth...

***

My Husband sent me this quote:

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: 

First, by reflection, which is noblest; 

Second, by imitation, which is easiest; 

and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” 

~ Confucius

***

My dear sister-friend sent me this one:

"Those who have completely subjected their will to the will of God 

are never fickle in their spirit. If something sorrowful that disturbs their soul occurs, t

hey calm themselves with wise reflections.

Their only source of joy and consolation is God's goodwill for them. 

This removes them from all confusion and sorrow perpetrated by others, 

even if such sorrow repeats itself, 

sometimes increasing day by day.

However, their loyalty to God's will creates 

such a sweet consolation and calm in their souls that they, b

eing firmly convinced that all that happens to them is either willed

 or allowed by God, consider even the worst deprivations and sorrows 

to be for their correction or for their greater reward.

And so they rejoice in all misfortunes, 

for even in the midst of deprivations and afflictions t

hey see God's will and continue to hope for their salvation, 

even more than when everything goes well in their life."

+Saint John of Tobolsk, The Sunflower, p. 216

***

This line especially struck both of us:

Their only source of joy and consolation is God's goodwill for them. 

***

Beautiful.

***

I have so much to learn about what it means to love;

and it is so true that all love one can give is from God...

***

When I feel like a storm (this time illness) maybe coming,

it's hard to not just give up in ways;

how to be in light of changes such as these;

well.... we go only by the grace and mercy of God.

***

May God have mercy on us. 

What I found that is beautiful in this book and what I want to think more about

Okay, now that I've discussed a lot of what troubled me and struck chords with me in difficult ways. I want to talk about this book again because I want to be as balanced as I can. So I want to tell you things I really liked about it and what I see that is beautiful. Because this book is worth reading and wrestling with, which is what I'm doing. 

First, the author is very brave. She has faced a lot of her own pain, understood it, gotten through it and sees the Lord in it. She's very brave because she writes about it. She isn't hiding like she used to as a child. So that in itself is a really huge thing. I hope to have the same courage one day. 

Next, I really loved the story about her mother and how she saw her mother's faith. Even though they couldn't find a church that fit them. She writes about her mother having her full eyes on Christ when she sees him on the TV like in a Ben Hur movie. Now some people may be quick to dismiss that; it's way too easy to dismiss each other I find. But I found her understanding of her mother's faith and love for Christ, incredibly beautiful. And that she linked it to one of my favorite gospel stories and Saints. The story of the woman who gives Christ his anointing for burial with the very expensive perfume is profound. 

I've already mentioned this, but I really liked all of her actual stories. I liked learning about her mother's country. I didn't know a lot about it. I don't actually know a lot of history and many people don't. But if you're all curious and like to learn more, this is a great little book.  

Towards the beginning of the book there was some things I couldn't engage with as easily because she's coming from a Protestant perspective that I left 21 years ago. But later in the book when she ties in her understanding of Scripture with her and her mother's story, I really enjoyed it. It brought a new perspective and I thought there was real love and wisdom there. 

I think one of the biggest things is this shows a really big question for me.  She honestly felt that people didn't see her if they said she looked the same as others. This was when she would be talking about her experience as different.  As someone from her mother's culture. 

I'm purposely not mentioning what culture because I think the concepts are broader than just her culture. It can be linked to any culture where you're an immigrant in another country. Or you're a child of an immigrant. I'm that. My mother was born in Holland and is the youngest of eight and immigrated with her family when she was 1 years old to Canada. So I too am a child of an immigrant mother. Though I have a very different story than this author. 

I think lastly, I really loved her ending. The story she wrote was really beautiful and tied in the strands of her books well. 

I did feel that maybe the book could have been even more than it was. That she could have been pushed even more about my questions at least. But that said, it's still a lovely little book. It's given me a lot to think about. 

Questions like what do you do when someone feels excluded but by so happening, because you understand yourself, you also feel excluded by the other. So you have two people feeling excluded by each other but who are also Christians and therefore Christian sisters to each other. So how do you bridge that gap? 

For me, it would not be telling the other person that they should feel or think differently than they do. It may just be accepting that there's real difference. And that by so accepting difference, perhaps you can still build a bridge.

A bigger question for anyone who's a Christian I think is how do you bridge gaps with those who are not Christian? What does it mean to love people who don't understand you. Who don't believe that God is love. Who experienced the church in a way or their concept of a church in a way that to them excludes them. 

There's a lot for food to think about here. 

And what about truth? 

I love a phrase but rewrote it.... It's a bit cynical (I will talk about the phrase in a little bit) but our culture is very much into accepting everyone as the same. That is ironic for me to say since my brain automatically sees everything in a way as the same. 

But what I mean here is that there's no adherence to a higher truth in a lot of our culture today. People are much more ready to say: Oh, that's what you believe? That's great for you. And they'll be supportive as long as it's not a belief that they think is cruel. For as much as people say, I will support whatever you or anyone believes, they won't do that. If they think that person is harmful to themselves or others. That's not how that sort of belief works. 

So my cynical take is very simple. A lot of people want to say "whatever floats your boat". But I say "what floats your boat may sink mine" (as in my boat).   Buy this I mean that not all ideas can exist at the same time or all be true. 

For instance, I really enjoy reading an author who I'm studying for my writing project and I do my best to love him and really listen. But I still disagree with him. Why? Because I believe that a person has a soul. And this person doesn't. 

Can we both coexist in the same world? Can we be kind to each other? I think so. But it doesn't mean that one is going to sacrifice their view of truth for the other. I wouldn't sacrifice mine. And this author is very convinced by his own ideas. 

I want to talk about her experience at what I think now must have been the Coptic Orthodox in another blog post. But I wanted to put this one up because I really believe in kindness and balance. If you disagree with an author you should still be able to see everything you do like and be able to talk about both. 

May God have mercy on us. 

4 in one day: a song for beauty and sadness

I just wanted to note something. I'm keeping a lot here for posts in one day. 

This song is on repeat for me today. 

Grief is a strange swallowing thing. A librarian at a library near me gave me a book to read that is helping. I'm not going to talk about that, but however. It's funny how some things I talk about only indirectly here. 

But isn't that life? Not all of it is shared. 

But this song I can share and it's lovely and beautiful. I don't know much about where it's from but it's from something that I don't know about. I just know I find it beautiful. Soothing and speaks of beauty and pain. 

I remember a bath I took years ago listening to beautiful Christmas music from classic FM in England. I haven't listened to that station in quite a while. Maybe I will again someday. But today was a day when such a bath was needed and I listened to this song that I shared now with you. 

What a great mercy of God that I have. My life, my home, my husband and the beauty of each day.  May God have mercy on us. 

vintage books and new books both have their questions

Well, what an eventful day. I was able to write the blog post that was billowing up in me. This afternoon after getting my grocery delivery which wasn't exactly as normal. I understand that we're post storm and all that, but I'm not happy that the company I get food from is treating their employees more like Amazon. A company I use but don't like because of how they treat their employees. Anyway, my groceries were left for me to carry up which never happens. And of course it was when I would order extra milk. 

Anyway, I survived that! I went by light rail to the mall listening to my pink headphones. I found handkerchiefs for my beloved and I bought lip gloss for myself. I had a with purchase. Get one thing for my birthday free up to just under $10. So basically I got buy one get one free for lip gloss.  It's a kind I really like however. 

On the way back I went to my library. The one nearby to me that is. It's very new and I hope it will serve its community well. 

I'm enjoying the vintage Agatha Christie book. I've read it before

I have so many questions related to the book I was talking about earlier but I need a break from it now.  It's a good little book, but obviously there were parts of it that made me feel excluded. 

Maybe that's part of life? That no one can include everything but God? 

I don't know why I'm so deeply blessed, but I pray that God will have mercy on all of us.