Presanctified Second Wednesday of Great Lent

 

Here we are again, amazing, second week of Great Lent. It's less intense than the first week but nothing is easy in this world, right? 

I went to bed earlier than normal and so was up at 1 AM instead of 3. Is this better or worse? I am not sure. Or TBD (to be determined).

I am enjoying lots of memes lately.  Here's one I screen shot from Instagram, I was like totally, yes and so funny:

I sent this to one of my best Instagram and real life friends and she agreed that this is 100% accurate.  Basically, yes. :) 

I am purposely looking for reasons to laugh because things are so hard in ways right now.  So intentionally looking for things as a ballast.

I had to look up that word.

Ballast - : something that gives stability (as in character or conduct)

I picture a ballast being something that re-balances you like a teeter totter that is upended and needs something to re-weight it so that it is balanced.  Yes, that would give stability wouldn't it? 

I've had some difficult insomina.  This whole unexpected world stage event known as w-a-r that is impacting much of Europe in terms of refugees and, as an Orthodox Christian who knows people in every Orthodox country that exists, it's really difficult. 

Add to that my now 2.5 year old foster nephew's uncertain landing place (we thought we were having him as part of our forever family but now everything is more complex and uncertain) it's a bit heavy over here.  Like everytime I get more news about this I struggle to sleep at all.  I do get a few (3, 4 or maybe 5 hours) sleep but it directly impacts me this way.  

This is called complicated grief.  Both the above are this. 

Add personal knowledge in small ways of the first complicated grief list above and you get me not sleep again for many hours afterwards.  I was so bad on this front this past Sunday I missed going to church because I did not want to get sick by the huge exhaustion I was dealing with.

You know what's cool though? I used to be really afraid of grief.  Now I get it.  It's not anything anyone wants.  Ever.  But.  It's part of this journey we call life.  And the only way to get through it is to go through it.  Run from it, deny it, hide from it and it won't go so easily in the long run.  

That said grief needs a ballast.  It's not so easy to deal with and actually sometimes you need a break.  

So.  For me right now that means: funny memes and videos, DE Stevenson novels, Agatha Christie (also great for when you have a bad cold like I did 3 weeks ago), Miss Read books.  Also, for me, an episode of Perry Mason this week.  That is when I know I am grieving.  When my beloved Cleo cat was dying I watched Perry Mason a lot.  Losing her was incredibly painful.  I am so glad I had her in my life.  

Also, Madeleine L'Engle novels have taught me so much about grief and about life over the last 25 plus years.  Including best way to handle loss is to actually go through it, to grieve it.  

I am learning so much.  

Also, see HERE for a brief thing I wrote on social media, the need for funneling/filtering as a full out Highly Sensative Person.  I totally recommend the book on this btw.  Go HERE for the offical website by the author.  

Our garage door opener decided to die shocking us last night when we got home at after 8:30 PM with take out food (we had not had any since noon).  So guess what? We need to be up early tomorrow because someone is coming to fix it.  I forsee a possible need for a nap. And right now it is 1:40 AM. 

We hope to go to a booksale on Friday.  After a morning presanctified liturgy.  Really hoping that works out as planned.  

Meanwhile, I finally got dishes back in order yesterday.  And had no problem using paper bowls for dinner last night.  I fully understand that things are not easy for me right now and whatever I can do to help myself in this, I will do.  I don't do this all the time but I am pulling no punches when it comes to trying to make sure I don't get seriously sick from my lack of sleep that I have been having. 

And so, that's what's going on right now. 

I am so thankful, I have so much to be thankful for.  The older I get, the more I see this.

May God bless us, help us, save us!