NYC: Twice in One Week

 

I know that right now, 

with what I am working through, 

which is some unbloggable grief-related things,

I have to do one thing:

keep busy.

And try to work on my many-year writing project, 

which I will not mention outside of that.

***

So today found me complaining over chat via my phone

to my beloved Husband about a certain 

beloved author who can be a bit repetive

and my Husband was like,

you are very repetive in your complaints about this

author's repetriveness. 

***

LOL.

***

So basically I am slogging through a book that I like

but is not easy for me to read because 

1. I am not at the author's IQ for math/computer science/physics 

2. The author and I live, in ways, on different planets because of our

understanding of the world is quite different.

3. Trying to grasp what the author is getting at, in the way he writes it, 

is not easy for me.

***

Thus the many coloured pens,

the many notes in my journal of quotes to better 

follow/understanding what the author is trying to 

communicate to us, the reader,

and a trip to the MET to get some headspace back,

as I was so tired from working so hard on reading this book.

***

That said, I read about 100 pages which really is a lot,

especially with the subject matter at hand. 

***

So I was in NYC Tuesday and Thursday working on this

book.  Hopefully by next week, I will have finished it.

***

Then I have to figure out what to do with what I understand.

***

But the main thing right now is that I 

got out of the house, achieved goals,

am working on something that has meaning for me,

and for the things that are an un-bloggable grief,

I just need time.

***

But God is full of mercy and I trust that I will have

the time that I need... 

Getting Up Again and Again

 

Life has a lot of trying and trying again. 

This picture (above) is due to encouragement to a friend who

I sadly rarely see but always feel seen by. 

***

Sometimes it's hard to keep moving.

I am deep in a long term writing project and have hit

some significant roadblocks.  Trying to leave them 

(the road blocks) behind

and focus on something different is not an easy thing to do.

***

Today I had some simple but real successes:

1. I was tired but kept going, which I knew was what I needed to do 

2. I got some laundry done (the chore, along with dishes that never ends) 

3. I walked about 2.5 miles today

4. I managed to call my Grandma two weeks in a row (my ability to 

keep doing what I used to do before I got really sick has been lessened) 

***

Tomorrow my goal is to go to NYC and read more of a book for

research for my long term writing project, 

possibly go to breakfast with my Husband 

and renew my membership at the MET Museum. 

***

I, like many, especially who are Orthodox, have had our

hearts rended in pain over the suffering of 

this Monastery and this new article gave me

consolation.  I will say one thing:

there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)

and I refuse to go into any thing remotely close to an

argument over the suffering that these Monastics have endured.

Only God knows the future and why everything that happens, happens.

***

I have been asking God for help having a thankful heart.

A thankful heart is a lighter heart and I have miles to go on this.

***

Safer Than a Known Way

I read this book last week.

It was really good.

I feel like I need to surrender more to God

and my path is to do what I have been doing:

asking God to give me a thankful heart, 

for everything.

***

The book is by the last woman who served and cared for

Corrie ten Boom in her last 7 years of life.

A really special picture of Corrie, whose books I have loved 

since I was 13 or so, and of a woman learning to let God lead her

and to give up her own ideas and realizing that 

God's plan for her life is best.

***

A lovely young woman at one of my churches, who I have had the 

prieveldge of seeing grow up, and I had a really good talk

because years ago I had broke my ankle and now she is suffering

a similar but different situation. 

***

How beautiful when one's pain can be used years later to 

relate to another person and encourage them. 

***

I know I must grow in this. 

***

May God have mercy on us!