January's Beginning - Peace, Loss and Prayer Requests

Today was a day where I was quiet

and caught up with

various friends online

and by phone.

I found out that my Uncle, one of my Oma's sons,

fell on New Years Eve

and broke his pelvis.

Lord have mercy.

He is still in hospital and they can't do surgery

and there will have to be some rehab for him.

Please I ask your prayers.

One of my close friends just lost her Grandmother.

I am planning for both

a Holy Supper

and Christmas Day dinner.

*

What are your traditions for Christmas dinner?

I am thinking of a slow cooker roast beef

with carrots and potatoes.

Would love to hear your suggestions.

*

Today was a bank holiday

and I have not heard yet about the job

I applied for.

Tomorrow is another day.

God is very good to us

and will not leave us

in all times

and places.

New Year

Today after liturgy

I had my Oma's memorial service.

This was very good;

I wish already for another one for her...

My friends and I went out to eat afterwards in

memory of her

since there exceptionally was not a church meal

after liturgy today.

Grief is no easy thing but it was a relief

to have these prayers in the church for her.

As much as I had wished to have my house

clean for New Years

I was too sick to manage getting the whole house

prepared.

I am slowly getting better from the bad

chest cold I have been having

and was able to go to my friend's New Years Eve

Dinner party which was really nice.

I am hoping to get my house cleaned tomorrow

and that I finally will be well enough to do so.

I love my strand of white lights

that a dear friend gave me.

I hope to host the Holy Supper

again this Christmas Eve

which is this Friday.

*

I have not heard yet about the job proposal that

I submitted and hope to hear tomorrow.

*

The whole job searching thing I find

very difficult.

*

It was so good to have the service for my Oma today.

I really miss her but felt more sure

of being near her in Christ

during the prayers for her at church

and this is indeed a deep blessing.

Friday in Michigan

Today I worked for over ten hours

to finish up the proposal

for the contract

that I found out about two weeks ago.

It was due today and

given the week I had

today was a bit of a scramble to get it done.

Thankfully I had help

and it is now submitted.

*

My family all made it home safely.

*

Tomorrow I have a ride to vespers and the next day

to Sunday liturgy.

*

Sunday night my family will do a quiet

Christmas time

and I fly out early Monday morning.

*

I have a lot more to process but

will have to do that when I return to Ottawa,

God willing,

on Monday.

*

Your love and support over this time has

been a great source of solace.

Thank you.

*

God is with us.

First Snow Fall

5 AM this morning I woke up

and this is what I saw.

I love Ottawa in the winter!

And first snow falls are always so peaceful,

waking up and seeing everything covered

in a clean blanket of white snow.

*

I am researching places for networking

purposes.

Praying to God for wisdom and courage.

Sunday, the day of starting anew

This photo cracks me up.

Cleo was a bit out of sorts :)

She's doing fine now.

Do you see the Canadian Flag? :)

This is my walk on my way to the library...

Liturgy was good as always.

I am very blessed.

Later today a friend gave me these

tealight candles from IKEA.

Such a thoughtful and practical gift.

I am doing all I can to recover from the exhaustion

of this past week.

I found a job add to apply for.

One step at a time...

The Lord is with us.

Almost There

Lent is almost upon us.

We need the Saint's protection

and God's mercy.

*

With taking French twice a week and work
and looking for more work
I find that I don't have as much time to blog
or read others' blogs.

Please know that it is not that I have lost
interest in any of your blogs,
but just that I am trying to keep my head
and maybe my shoulders
above water.

*

Lent will be even more busy,
so I don't know how much I will be blogging
for this reason alone.

*

I still am struggling with anxiety about my
unknown after this month of March
job situation.
It is more the being alone with nothing but job searching
and a lack of daily structure
that scare me than money at this point.

*

The rash that I had in November and that came back in January
may be returning again;
I seem to have a questionable spot again on my face.
I ask your prayers.
I really did not want to go on the strong medicine for
a third time.

*

If however there is something one of you
my beloved blog friends
esp. need me to know
please email me at roosjeblog @ yahoo . ca

*

Meanwhile,

Here's some great resources for lent:

Fr. Thomas Hopko's podcasts here and lots of podcasts

with a lenten focus here

*

The first thing though is the services;

confession;

repentance.

Life instead of death is what lent is all about.

May Christ have mercy on us.

*

Forgive me for anything I may have written that

in anyway hurt or wounded.

Monday - Sun, Cloud and Cold

My buffet ready for Christmas;

I am glad there are 12 days of Christmas;

I love having the Nativity Icon at front and centre...

A snowy Michigan scene;

I am still transitioning to being back.

Now the parties are over;

job searching in earnest began again;

the struggle to remain emotionally stable

through thanksgiving and trust

is a struggle;

but NOTHING is impossible with God.

*

There are different jobs library-related to apply for.

I may have a chance; it is hard to say;

prayer needed and requested!

*

Below is a picture of peanut clusters.

My Mom makes them every Christmas.

I actually watched what I ate dessert-wise

for the most part,

as sugar can make me crash quickly

and is hard on the emotions.

But I had one or two while I was home...

Tomorrow is lots of resume and cover letter

writing and editing.

*

God is good to us and we must seek to always remember this.

*

My Grandma's (not to be confused with my Oma who is 102 years old)

heart is not pumping at full speed anymore;

she is going to be taking medicine for this soon;

she is a real testimony to me on trusting God

in all circumstances;

she told me about a song my Grandpa

(who had a really beautiful singing voice and sang in churches for years)

loved and sang a lot at churches -

it is a message I needed to hear again...

Here's the lyrics I found for it:

*

I Know Who Holds My Hand:

I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
And I don't borrow from the sunshine
'Cause the skies might turn to grey.

And I don't worry about the future,
'Cause I know what Jesus said,
And today I'm gonna walk right beside him
'Cause he's the one who knows what is ahead.

There are things about tomorrow
That I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

And each step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb.
And every burden is getting lighter
And all the clouds, their silver line.

And, I'll bet the sun it's always shining
And no tears will ever dim the eye
And the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains, they touch the sky.

There are many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
Yes I know who holds my hand.

*

I've been thinking about my Grandpa (his name is and was John)

a lot lately;

he died in 2005 and the last thing he ever said to me,

(on the phone, I was in Ottawa and he in the hospital in Michigan),

after I told him that "all 4 of my (Orthodox) churches were praying for you"

is that prayer is the best thing.

I am quite convinced that God has him in heaven now and

that my Grandfather is praying for me

and for my Grandma

(and others of course).

*

I am so glad I am Orthodox and that I know that the distance

between us all is not too big

when one is in Christ

and can still pray for both the living and the dead.

*

In Christ, we are never far from each other.

*

May we always be found in Christ!

Friday of St. Barbara, soon St. Nicholas

Today (old calendar) is St. Barbara's Day.

I am so glad for this.

Soon St. Nicholas Day;

one of my favourite days of the year

(and my sister's birthday!)

*

Tomorrow God willing the monastery trip.

*

I am depending very much on St. Nicholas' prayers.

Keeping my lampada lit

seeking to pray

prayers of others

are keeping me afloat.

Took a long bus ride to a job agency today;

did the tests for clerical and data entry;

did very well.

*

Fixed my purse that broke just today;

got the handle restitched for only five dollars;

for an awesome purse that I use a lot

this is a good price.

*

I am still struggling with anxiety about the health tests

I am waiting for results for.

Still having insomnia every night because the meds I am on

for the November volcanic face outbreak;

meds done at the end of this month.

The last few nights when I wake and realize once again

insomnia

and I go to stand, I almost fall immediately to the floor.

I know what this means my friends;

insomnia and stress.

Not to worry though,

I've lived through this before.

AND I have meds for the insomnia

so I have resources and am still getting sleep,

just not enough sleep yet.

*

And I have gathered many good tips for stress

(of course I welcome all ideas).

So far here is what I am doing to proactively take care of myself

during this time of job searching and health uncertainty:

1. Pray and ask others for prayers

2. Monasteries

3. Eat as well as possible. The root veggies by the way were fabulous.

Trying to eat protein, good vegetables

and fruits and hearty bread daily.

Avoid sugar and caffeine,

stay hydrated - water, herbal teas, juice.

4. Deep breathing

5. Lampada lit day and night

6. Talking to family and friends and asking for prayer

7. Regular contact with my church family

8. Being thankful and seeing and creating beauty every day

9. Constantly bringing my mind back to the fact

that I am in God's hands and care.

*

I thank God.

And now I am going to make the cakes for St. Nicholas day!!

Baking - so therapeutic and creative!

*

Let's keep praying for one another.

*

God is with us.

Tuesday - Beautiful Snow and the Unexpected Interview

I was just about to begin laundry early this morning

when I got the phone call...

Just yesterday

I had submitted an application to a job at a bookstore

in town.

Suddenly this very very intense manager was on the phone

liking my resume

wanting to meet me in just over an hours time

and that training would be tomorrow,

could I make it?

Well.

Floored I went to the interview.

I had no time to mentally prepare;

got dressed professionally, makeup, grabbed my resume

and walked through beautiful white snow to the bus.

*

The job was only to be temporary to help with the

beginning of a semester bookstore rush.

*

I made it just on time to the interview,

after making sure a student who fell on the road

was okay...

(poor girl was not wearing boots and

it is exam time

so she did not have time to get them yet

I found out)

(today was the first day of real snow here)

...walked with her to the school

(her stretch pants ripped, by the way she got up slowly

I could tell she hurt her knee)

and went to the interview

(the student I walked with directing me to the bookstore).

*

The interview went okay but I realized after

that I should of given more examples

when asked the questions.

So I feel a bit down about that part.

*

The worst though is that it is after 5 pm now

and no phone call to tell me if I got

one of the positions or not.

And by the time I called (4:50)

their switchboard was closed.

*

So I guess I did not get the job

but really don't know yet.

It would of paid my rent for a month

and would of been so nice to have work.

It would be fun work!

Sigh.

*

Will let you all know if I ever do hear back!

Meanwhile,

I just love how the window frosts up!

And I love winter!!

I don't think I will ever get tired of this view...

it is so beautiful with the snow!

*

I feel overwhelmed,

I realized anew today,

because I feel so destabilised due to living in a state

since August

of not knowing if I am leaving Ottawa for a job else where or not.

This is really emotionally draining.

It is bad enough to face leaving a city one loves

one's spiritual father, church and friends here

but to not know for months on end if one is really leaving

is no easy thing.

NOT that I am trying to complain.

Really!

And to show you that I am still committed to being thankful

and see the glorious beauty around me,

another beloved snow picture!

Isn't the white snow so lovey?!

I thank God for this!

I thank God that I at least had a good resume to be noticed

quickly, even if I don't get the job.

I thank God that I can do better next time

and that I have people I can practice interviewing with.

(Not that I have not interviewed well before,

but the situation today was such that I did not really have any

warning to prepare!)

I thank God that He is taking care of me

and that He is providing for me!

I thank God that He sent His Son on Christmas to save us!

*

I thank God that somehow He is working through all of this...

Monday Cold and Windy

This past Saturday I did a huge

reorganization of my kitchen!

My cupboards were really in need of

some attention

and I was able to re-purpose another shelf (above)

for my baking goods.

I am loving the change,

especially that I can get to my newly

moved tea shelf

in short order.

Cleo continues to be beautiful

and in need of cuddles.

*

I am still struggling a lot with insomnia -

to make it worse,

I got a phone call in the middle of the night;

(no idea who it was, did not stay on phone

long enough to find out).

I am glad that God and His Angels are always with us.

It is cold here now in Ottawa!

I have these great 'cleat' things that go over the soles

of my boots so I can walk

undaunted by icy sidewalks.

I love winter!

*

I am working on various job related things

and applied to an Ottawa job today

(non-library but not a bad job).

*

I am so excited to be going home for Christmas!

God is so good to us.

A weekend full of God's goodness

Those who read Jodie Anna's lovely blog

will recognize this icon;

the first time I saw her blog and this

icon of the Mother of God

I was overcome with its beauty and tenderness.

*

So here is how I creatively make icons:

on a very limited budget:

1. find beautiful icon jpeg online

2. borrow and put on flash drive

3. walk to grocery store, print out at Kodak film kiosk for .33 cents

4. go to dollar store with photo icon and match to right frame

colour and size wise

5. frame

6. have it blessed at church.

Cost: less than $2.00.

*

Great as gifts...

God has blessed me in so many ways this week and weekend

I can't even begin to tell you all.

*

After 12 years of my (protestant) spiritual mother's passing

I was finally able to do a panakyda

for her on Saturday before vespers.

Above is the bread I baked for it.

(My first bread ever baked!)

I used my bread machine (my Grandma's old one)

to make the dough

and then ended up phoning different times to my

Ukrainian Ottawa family for

bread making instructions!

*

I was able to sing part of the service

(with a very inexperienced meek voice,

I've never been in a church choir!!)

with my spiritual father

and it was so beautiful;

I was able to wear some of my finest clothes,

bring the bread, kolivo and wine.

I felt like it was Pascha;

*

A taste of what I have heard at so many panakhydas:

we grief with hope as Christians

firmly believing in the Resurrection of Christ.

*

At the same time,

a beautiful woman at my church just lost her mother

this week

after losing her father only 41 days before;

they are separated by an ocean

as both parents were still in Russia.

I am still stunned at the thought of losing one's parents

41 days apart.

Please pray for them.

*

All I know is we must always pray for each other;

we all go through such suffering in our lives.

Thank God for His mercy,

the Church

and that we can reach out in prayer to support each other.

God has blessed me yet again -

I was able to secure a plane ticket home

that was cheaper than a two day bus ride

(was going to split it in two days as a 20 hour 1 way ride

was too much for me).

What a gift of a plane ticket and that my parents

are able to fund it for me

so I can come home

for

(new calendar)

Christmas.

*

I have been so full of joy lately

that I almost feel worried!

(Knowing both that sorrow and joy are often close together)

The prayers of my family church family and blog community

have been so encouraging to me.

*

This week I will continue with various job searching

activities.

*

This coming Sunday (old calendar)

is St. Nicholas Day

and I am so excited for this day.

Am making 2 vegan chocolate cakes

and then fly out the next day for home.

*

What mercies of God.

How tenderly God is in these mercies.

*

May God continue to sustain and comfort us.

Tuesday Findings

Another day of God's mercy.

Wanted to show you my other icon of St. Nicholas;

this one was a chrismation gift as it was at one of St. Nicholas'

churches where I was chrismated;

I remember looking at the icons of the Theotokos and St. Nicholas

during the ceremony...

Today (o.c.) is St. Katherine's Day.

I always figure the two calendar days for each Saint

can loosely be taken to mean their feast is for almost two weeks :)

I was able to be in church for noon prayer today on her day;

a beautiful thing.

And this morning I found an English translation to

an Akathist to St. Menas

which was a great way to start the day!

Dear friends of mine have received mercy through St. Menas' prayers

and I know also of monastics who look for his help.

*

Speaking of Akathists,

I've noticed that my post on

the collecting of Akathists has come up in Google searches...

the librarian in me loves to share -

if there is an Akathist that you can't find online

that I have listed that I do have,

feel free to email me

( roosjeblog @ yahoo . ca )

and I will do what I can.

*

That said,

it is best to remember Fr. Thomas Hopko's advice

to pray as we can and not as we wish we can.

Yes, I may have collected lots of Akathists

but this is not indicative of any spiritual level on my part;

thankfully my spiritual father will not let me fall into such delusions.

:)

*

The job search research and interview preperation continues.

I feel a bit daunted but am trying to press forward.

I am so aware that we all have such huge battles to fight

in our lives.

Whether it is illness, children, pregancy, unemployment, work or family pressures,

we all have real struggles;

if I have learned anything lately it is just how each one

is in a great battle.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.

Philo of Alexandria

God's Mercy is Deep Enough

The interview went well,

Thank God!

I was able to be at part of liturgy at the Cathedral this morning

before the interview

and was able to ask especially the Mother of God's help.

*

I was able to be my natural confident self

and answer all the questions.

**

I feel that my research and preparation for the interview

paid off

and God was merciful

gave me the ability to remember things I had studied

in the past and explain them well.

Thank you all for your love, support and prayers!

I really felt very loved and upheld

today

and am so thankful!

***

They are going to set up French testing for me

so this is still an issue

but it is in God's hands.

*

Thanks again for your prayers!

God's mercy in time healing all wounds

Sometimes I go back and click on the month

in past years on my blog;

just to see what was going on at that time last year,

etc.

I had totally forgotten about June 6

when two years ago

I kinda had my foot run over by a car.

Yeah, just kinda,

like realizing that the dark marks on my toes

were from tire rubber;

oh yes.

God, the Holy Angels,

the Mother of God and

St. George

were all protecting me...

Anyway.

I totally forgot when it was June 6 this year!

I think this is a really good sign...

It means I am getting over it;

sudden injuries to us take a long time

to heal,

on the inward emotional / spiritual level.

*

I have finished a resume and cover letter!

First edit done,

rest to be done later.

I am not certain about what to look for right now

as in part time or full time work,

what French class to take next

how to go about the rest of this summer

but

writing cover letters and resumes somehow

surprisingly

can be a source of encouragement to me.

It is part of actively doing something

that is encouraging I think.

**

A monastic who visits from time to time

is in town this weekend.

I can't tell you how glad I am

when I see a monastic

it is like being reminded of God's presence here with us

and I feel a little less afraid of living

in such an uncertain world.

***

God is merciful to us small ones and encourages us to

become aware of living in His presence

at all times

and to learn to live in the reality of this presence,

in the reality of hope that the Church

is always offering us.

A Friday in June

Cleo wanted to be included in another blog post.

So here she is ... will have to take new pictures soon

I am applying for more jobs.

Not sure what doors will open,

but I am feeling a bit better about it all at the moment.

I savour these moments.

I got a new (for 69 cents at the dollar store)

calendar where I am mapping out

what I need to do each day.

*

I am finding that this is helpful

so I know what needs to be done

and by what time.

**

Of course now I need to get the work done

but I am feeling a bit more at peace

and ready to do what needs to be done

today.

***

Also I am doing a little bit of planning

in the morning and evening for the day

and am excited to see how

this may help me

arrange my days

and assist with decreasing my sense of stress

and / or anxiety.

*

I am also finishing up the final details for the

BA in French as a Second Language.

**

Now I need to seek God's Kingdom and righteousness

and thus to maintain peace.

This of course is the most challenging part!

***

Wishing everyone a joy-filled weekend!

One Step, Another Step, and One Step...

First step: remember God.

Second step: seek to be quiet within one's soul

and seek to nourish inward thanksgiving

in the midst of life's trials.

Third step: rejoice at all the good things in the present moment.

++++++++

The apartment I saw was Tres Horrible!

I am so thankful I had a dear friend with me when I saw it.

+++

I am working on learning the present tense "er" endings.

I am still getting etre and avoir confused.

Je suis and J'ai

I understand - Je comprend.

It is the other 5 I get confused.

Lord help me.

+++++++

My Dad has pneumonia -

thankfully caught in the first stage and he is on drugs and is resting.

Please pray for my Dad (would rather keep his name private,

God will know who "Elizabeth's Dad" is).

I am thankful for my Dad and love him very much;

he is a good Christian man and father.

+++

Since seeing the Tres Horrible Apartment,

I am of a mind to quickly trust God for future job or money

than saving a bit on rent.

Whew, was that apartment bad.

+++

I struggle to get everything I need to get done in a day;

there is a job add I need to apply to,

French to learn,

and apartment to find, boxes to procure, and the like.

++++

But God is good and will help me do what I need to do.

+++++++

I am volunteering at a Christian high school as a librarian

assisting the school librarian.

Tres Excited!

Hello Elizabeth the Librarian!!!

+++

I thank God for His goodness and pray that my Dad will

begin to feel better soon, Amen.

Prayer Needed Please /SVP - possible PT job

I got a call from a job agency.

Possible librarian part-time job.

Possibly can do French and work PT?

There was one requirement that they were looking for

that I did not have.

Please pray for wisdom and for God's will.

I should know by next week.

By the prayers of the Theotokos

O Lord, save us!

Holy Week and Networking

Prayers requested!

I know that outwardly it seems that I would have Holy Week free - but life is never so simple.

I have a networking event to go to today and an interview tomorrow.

References to contact, forms to fill out, professional words to plan, portfolio updates, wardrobe choices, and prayers.

Metaphorically speaking, my knees are weak and my heart can quickly melt.

Where are the saints for professionally working woman? Any suggestions? Of course I am asking the prayers of St. Xenia of Petersberg, the Theotokos, St. Joachim and Anna.

How to be the Lord's and be strong.

Lord help me, Amen.

Moving towards what is yet unseen

I recognize the signs now. Of grief and loss, of sudden unexpected departure. The sense of unreality and bewilderment.

At the same time, many people are helping shore me up. Love, prayers, phone calls, emails, blog comments, just the right Akathist given into my hands.

And I do not feel out of hope; I just have to figure out what I want and need to do.

I watched via the blog word, one of my closest blog friends (as we have known each other in person first and for over 10 years) change jobs, move and have her life change directions. I remember her reports of using her benefits before they were gone - which is a bigger deal in the States.

My brother-in-law Mark was permanently laid off this week; they want to sell their house, continue fundraising and live and work in Romania taking care of orphans through a Protestant organisation. I already touched on the complexities of a Protestant organization in an Orthodox country. I love my sister and brother-in-law very much and know first hand their love for the Romanian orphans. I thank God for them. They were one of the first people I called after coming home in tears and shock on Monday.

Two nights ago I took a medical sleeping aid. I know myself and if I did not do something to stop the yawning pit of insomnia, I would not be well. I slept the night through and last night I slept much better as well, without the drug. I am glad to have these for emergencies. I remember reading a very honest account of someone who had become addicted to pain killers. I am determined not to get hooked on sleeping meds or anything else.

I have a continued list of everything I need to do professionally. Next week is Holy Week and I must turn my attention to this. In Bright Week, Lord Willing, I hope to go to career counseling.

When I was reading the info packet on insomnia (came with the drug I took), severe stress included: a death of a loved one, divorce and job loss.

I feel like God dramatically took me out of this situation; I was there, I saw, I learned, I struggled, failed and loved as best I could; I prayed for my clients. My icons were there blessing the library. God brought people to me in the place of work to help me survive as long as I did. The job, as my readers know, caused me a lot of anxiety. Numerous things went wrong in the time I was there, starting with breaking my foot a week before starting the job. I feel that this chapter is now over.

The page has been turned.

I am suddenly in a new chapter. This chapter is largely unknown. It begins with me buying drugs, having dental and eye care all before my benefits end. I am in a much better apartment, have everything I dreamed of that I could control (apartment, furniture, the gathering of certain books and icons). Talking with my very astute and personal dentist, I did readers advisory with him for his child (library speak for here are reading options you should consider for your child, based on what his age, reading level and interests are) and felt reassured that I am indeed a librarian.

How to hit the ground running, move forward, act graciously, take care of the inner and emotional ramifications of sudden job loss. I was told the other day that I was glowing.

My move and job subsumed my Fall and Early Winter. My online course, work and overtime at my job subsumed my Winter and Early Spring.

Now is the time of reevaluation. Now is the time of Spring, for dreaming and healing. Many steps are being made, I am trying to stand; in the end, only God can make me stand.

Holy Week is almost upon us. Christ come quickly with your Passion, with your Holy Resurrection. Christ, come quickly! Save us speedily and waken us to Your will, Your Good and Holy Pleasure. Christ, save us and bring us to Your Joy.

The Setting Sun

God is so merciful to us.

I continue to pray that things will improve. I am asking God to provide for me; I love living here in Ottawa, in my apartment, in my small church-going life here.

It is night now, the city lights are out, I am inside. I slept very little last night - typical when something traumatic happens to me - to have insomnia. It is the old calendar feast of the Annunciation and when I read the Gospel for this, I was heartened.

I am preparing my resume, found career counseling place, I have a whole list of things to do. I need wisdom to know when to do what.

As I woke up this morning (or noticed it was light, I do not know how much I slept) I realized I was still in a state of shock. I was not going to work today to serve my clients. I realized how much I cared about them and that I was sad. Of course the termination was traumatic and wounded me; I have been aware of this too. My little library is not mine anymore to serve in. Just when I thought I was beginning to really understand my work, it was taken away.

When I knew, in February, that things were not going well for me, I went through a large sense of shock, fear and dismay - questioning if I did the right thing to move into my beloved new apartment and buying furniture. But now that the second shock, of losing my job, is wearing off I know the answer. Everyone has different priorities on this one, and I am not saying my decision to buy something is right or better. Not in the least! However, my last apartment had very little storage and this apartment has such a good sense of space. I can actually keep things clean. And the beauty of the apartment, and the cleanness of it, is very restorative. (Also I had saved money for furniture for sometime, so I did not have credit card debt, which can be so dangerous).

And I am able to be hospitable here which can help in the path towards salvation - to learn to practice hospitality, like Abraham.

The encouragement and prayers of all of you, and of other friends and family, is helping me through. I have a possibly long road ahead of me and know that I need God's mercy and many prayers. ... Right now I feel peaceful but in my weakness I have often lost this sense of peace.

Yet God is merciful and is here.

May the Lord have mercy on us all as we journey towards Pasca!