Quick Turn Around

I applied for a 1 year contract yesterday.

Was called today.

Interview Thursday early afternoon.

Prayers Requested.

(It is in Ottawa).

*

Got meds but thankfully

I am not on the highest dose and

it will be less than a month

of taking them.

Still, even at the lowest dose,

I had insomnia.

I start tomorrow morning on this.

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Seeking to trust God in all things

and focus on my Thursday interview.

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Cancelled some things but am still going to church.

Yay for Theophany Eve today!

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Blessed Feast to all those on the old calendar!

One Step, Another Step, and One Step...

First step: remember God.

Second step: seek to be quiet within one's soul

and seek to nourish inward thanksgiving

in the midst of life's trials.

Third step: rejoice at all the good things in the present moment.

++++++++

The apartment I saw was Tres Horrible!

I am so thankful I had a dear friend with me when I saw it.

+++

I am working on learning the present tense "er" endings.

I am still getting etre and avoir confused.

Je suis and J'ai

I understand - Je comprend.

It is the other 5 I get confused.

Lord help me.

+++++++

My Dad has pneumonia -

thankfully caught in the first stage and he is on drugs and is resting.

Please pray for my Dad (would rather keep his name private,

God will know who "Elizabeth's Dad" is).

I am thankful for my Dad and love him very much;

he is a good Christian man and father.

+++

Since seeing the Tres Horrible Apartment,

I am of a mind to quickly trust God for future job or money

than saving a bit on rent.

Whew, was that apartment bad.

+++

I struggle to get everything I need to get done in a day;

there is a job add I need to apply to,

French to learn,

and apartment to find, boxes to procure, and the like.

++++

But God is good and will help me do what I need to do.

+++++++

I am volunteering at a Christian high school as a librarian

assisting the school librarian.

Tres Excited!

Hello Elizabeth the Librarian!!!

+++

I thank God for His goodness and pray that my Dad will

begin to feel better soon, Amen.

Trusting God

My sister took this picture and posted it on facebook. I had forgotten that snowflakes are so intricate and how each one has exquisite individual detail. When talking to her on the phone, we both found that we had thought - how can anyone not believe in God as Creator after seeing snowflakes!?

Notice that one of these looks like a flower!

We all have painful events and situations in our lives. We all have struggles, fears and hangups. I know I do - things that seem impossible to change, get over or do. We can feel so overwhelmed that any possible action or way to move forward seems either non-existent or fruitless; we fall into despair.

It is then that I need to remember the God who loves us. The God who makes snowflakes. The God who gave us the Church. The God that Fr. Thomas Hopko talks about, teaching us that life is good and worth living (in his "Commencement" podcast).

It is this God that I must turn to now, when I wake in the middle of the night, sleepless again.

If God cares enough to be able to make snowflakes so beautiful, He can care about us and be taking care of us, right now, no matter where we find ourselves.

Another Day in this Year of Our Lord

Today was my last Monday at my current job. Tonight I am baking a cake for my small group at work to eat. Vanilla. I wish I had strawberries. If I have time, I may go get some.

I bought Indian takeout. Enough for three meals. Under five dollars for three meals. nice. It is a buffet and one is allowed two scoops of everything. I made lemonade, and have hot lemongrass tea with sugar.

It is hard for me to wait to see what job will come. But I am trying to really live during this time. Trust that God is taking care of me and to fight the fears that want to assail and conquer me. I am seeking to FIGHT them.

I am doing those things that are needed for my transition. Baking cake, buying small thank you cards and chocolate to give away, going to church, listening to music, praying, remembering God and calling my soul to see that even now, God is saving me.

Even now, God is saving me.

Great and Holy Friday

Glory to Thy Passion O Lord, Glory to Thy long suffering!

Every Holy Week is so unique.

I am feeling overwhelmed but very cared for. I found a beautiful Pasca outfit. All white. Praying that it does not rain.

I have an interview for a job I applied for this coming Wednesday and have no idea how to prepare (and will not start to do so until earliest Bright Monday afternoon).

I applied for another job online yesterday (the one I think I really want, but before interviews it is hard to know).

Interviews, as it does for many, makes me nervous. Invariably I go shopping - this time new jacket and light pink blouse. any thoughts on light pink with black pants and jacket for an interview?

Sigh.

I know what I need to do most of all: pray the verses in Matthew 6 about not worrying:

do not worry about the clothes you will wear

and Seek First God's Kingdom.

I am really excited for Pasca. And this is the first time I have gotten a Pasca outfit, one that I hope will last a good number of years.

(FYI for those who wonder, I do not have a digital camera and do not know how to post pictures; I am also lazy, sorry.)

I know that the Pasca baskets and Pasca outfits are beyond second place in comparison to Christ's Passion and Resurrection. Yet, it feels wonderful to try to prepare one's self with one's best clothes, shoes, baskets for Pasca.

Now I have so much to do ... Holy Friday was not supposed to be as frantic as my morning will be, but I must continue to trust in God's mercy. And I pray that as I go about things, that my heart can learn to be awake to God and to watch.

Blessed Holy Weekend to all.

More of the same

I am back. This time I am listening to a CD made at the convent of St. Elisabeth the New Martyr. That I do not know the language makes no difference. I met sisters from this Convent and have some small icons from them as well. St. Elisabeth is important to me; we have a beautiful icon of her in my church.

I am working on my job application.

Last night I was at church. I love being at church. It is like being home and the home is good and full of safety, in the sense of comfort and that there are Saints there who can help take care of things... It is like being a child, having a good father and falling asleep, listening to his voice.

Okay. The job I am applying for I do not have a lot of direct experience - which does not always matter as training and on the job learning is better. Being a librarian means that you can do a lot of different things. But it does not mean that I am always that good at resumes.

May God's will be done, here below as in Heaven.

Various and varying things

the list:

1. i am doing a job application. due friday. prayers welcome.
2. i am going to see my Oma this weekend - she is 99 - this means i am missing church but my Oma is 99 and i will DV also see my parents and aunts and uncles. i am flying to Brampton and my ears are still a bit plugged. am taking decongestants, chewing gum, etc.
3. some of my books from my parents house are coming with my parents and will be greyhounded to ottawa. many of these books i have not had with me since 2004.
4. i am drinking tea in the kitchen and Cleo is sitting on my gold chair. Bach is playing in the background.

back to my resume.

oh. i think i still like being a librarian. i really actually want to keep my job where i am at, but they cannot yet tell me if i will have anything past May 29 so i have to keep my options open.

okay. back to work...

going home by plane today

i had a priest pray for me the travel prayer and was blessed with holy water a bit after Matins yesterday morning!

i have had very little down and email time this Holiday, so my apologies for lack of blog comments. i was not home much and when i was home, i was with family.

time to contiue the journey to the airport.

God is so good to us.

A question I have been thinking about

What is better, answers of no answers in the light of tragedy and human suffering?

I like answers that give freedom – like when I was in the throes of grief, years ago and someone told me that grief impacts everyone different and there is no ‘right way’ to grieve.

Or I like it when I am feeling sad and a good friend just sits with me and is quiet.

Or when someone says that the suffering is hard and thus acknowledges it as such.

I wonder if it is merely a misguided human inclination that wants to give another person answers when faced with another person’s suffering.

But yet again I have had words thoughtfully, prayerfully given that have brought comfort to me in sorrow; much comfort.

I talked to my spiritual father yesterday about suffering in the world, citing some examples that I have seen. He taught me about corruption that is in the world, that it comes on the good and bad alike, like rain. And he quoted a Romanian theologian who said that all of these answers are found in the Cross.

Years ago I was at my parent’s house and read an older essay by Philip Yancy. He was describing, if I remember correctly, prisoners in Africa. And there was a Crucifix or an icon of the Crucifixion there, which gave these men great comfort.

Perhaps there needs to be sensitivity to timing to when to speak, when to be silent. I read in Fr. John’s book, Christ is in our Midst, of a saint who commented that he never had to repent of silence.

Sometimes, when I am feeling okay and more peaceful or at least more happy, I feel bubbling with words; I have so much to learn about what it means to be still, peaceful and silent.

I have learned a little about this: it is not just the absence of sound that creates silence. It is learning to have interior silence that is needed. And I have read and seen that the Theotokos (the Birth-giver of God -- Christ, the Virgin Mary) is taught as our example of what it means to be a Christian, and what it means to have this silence.

How do I know? Simple. I am beginning to see what I do not yet have. How do I begin to learn to see what I do not yet have? By being in Church and struggling to attend to the prayers of the church and looking at icons in church. I tell you, though, that I know it because I am only beginning to wake up and see glimpses of my own inner poverty and all those things that want to be noise and crowd my life, my vision, my ability to hear and to attend.

In the end is the crucifixion, the resurrection, the promise in 2 Peter of Christ, the morning star, rising in our hearts.

Waiting

God, as always, is wise in His timing. We are awaiting Pentecost. One of my good friends told me of a priest’s sermon she heard while on vacation. She said it was about three lines. About not using the Pascal greeting, not using the Christ in our midst greeting (I am guessing this priest was referring to using the Ascension greeting, which I believe the reply is something to the effect of “Christ ascended into glory”; my Matuska referred to it last Thursday in the church kitchen). Then, if we do not use the two greetings, this priest said, what do we do? His answer: we wait.

Wait and watch for Pentecost.

My Grandmother loves the verses about waiting on the Lord; my Grandfather use to sing in churches – he had a lovely voice and he was more good-looking than Elvis – I’ve seen pictures. Anyway my Grandfather used to sing a song about waiting on the Lord.

I miss my Grandfather. I never did have any one on one conversations with him, like I should have, though I did have some special ones with both of my Grandparents. But I am still learning about him and I really need to make continued work of finding out more while my Grandmother is still in good health.

I know my Grandfather, who many prayed for over a year ago when he died, had a heart for God and for spreading His Gospel. My priest once told me, when I was worrying over my relatives who know nothing of the Orthodox church, that God does not hold people responsible for what they did not know. Well, my Grandfather is a testimony to me still. His last words to me, over the phone, were that prayer is the best thing. This was after telling him that all my churches were praying for him (I have been part of 4 orthodox churches). Of course he also got what they call “a kick” out of this fact; Elizabeth being enthusiastically loving to the end of his earthly life.

I am so glad I am Orthodox, and know that I can pray still for my Grandfather; and I hear him prayed for every Saturday at vespers. I am so blessed and I love my church here.

So I am waiting. Drinking hot camomile lemon Tetley tea in a heavy blue and white teacup and waiting. I keep thinking of the prayer glory to You for Your longsuffering that we sang during the Bridegroom Matins. I must become like Christ through waiting.