Really Pleased

I got an

"A"

in the

17th Century

Literature Class.

Done

My class is over.

Paper handed in Monday.

Exam finished tonight.

I have these fears that my Christian read of Milton

(which should not be atypical since Milton was a Christian,

however doctrinally confused about the Trinity;

C.S. Lewis and others talk about Milton

being an Arian)

will be taken poorly.

It is sad, however, to be concerned

that one's reading of literature

may or may not be met

with understanding

or

something.

I will not know until later, if ever, how I came across.

I did my best;

enjoyed myself;

but am sad at times

at how Christians are seen

how God is misread

how little

grace

there can be towards Christians

or

earlier Christian Literature.

Lord have mercy.

Here...

I handed my paper in.

Will try to blog about that later;

what I learned.

My final exam is Thursday night.

I am weary

but seeking to rejoice

in the midst.

(My blog comments are fewer on other blogs I read for now,

I hope to be back to 'normal' after the weekend).

A Study of Despair in Paradise Lost by Joan F Gilliland

I have been editing my paper

on Milton's despair.

I love finding sentences that need weeding out;

the hope of creating a well written paper

swells, a joy, hiding within me,

as I sit by the window in the 5th floor

of the University library.

I discovered a former Professor

former as she died in 1997. Cancer at 65.

Joan F. Gilliland

is her name.

she wrote a PdD on Milton's despair

in 1977

I was 1 years old,

she was 45.

I am a librarian

and did my research to find her work.

I found out where she taught.

I found an obituary online

announcing her death.

She was the daughter in the 1930s

to Missionaries in the Philippines.

She must of been a fascinating woman.

Her funeral was at a Christian place;

I pray that she died a Christian,

just like I pray that I will one day also die.

Meanwhile I am reading the printed pages

of her PhD

typed, printed from microfilm;

and I learn so much

and think of her,

wondering at the amount of hope

she felt writing

complex sentences on despair.

It is a surprisingly hopeful topic,

she talks about the theological history

of the Church Fathers, of Aquinas,

of the 17th Century,

of deep Christian truths.

I hope it made her feel as alive

as it does for me.

For it is in hope that we can say of her,

Memory Eternal.

In 3 hours

I will be writing my midterm; will be in class in 2 hours (lecture first then exam).

I have been reviewing my notes and studying the texts for a few days now. I will be glad when this is over.

Of course the class is not over.

To be honest, I am spiritually weak still and feel really destabilized by not knowing what my future is! But at least I realize how I am feeling. This can lead to prayer, repentance and hope.

All prayers invited for my midterm exam! Works by John Donne, George Herbert, Francis Bacon, Thomas Hobbes, and Ben Jonson are all possible exam questions. There are 3 essay questions and I have to write on two of them.

I have been taking pictures of various icons in my apartment and I hope to post them soon!

Progression

I am working on my paper, read the poems for class (I love John Donne!), and found out today that I need to put together my research proposal sooner that I expected for my application for my English MA.

Whew.

I am enjoying this time though.

A holy hieromonk visited us this past weekend at my Church and he spoke of the 40 days of Brightness as a time of renewal for us, body and soul.

I feel a sense of this renewal by working on this class.

Ironically, or what appears ironic at the surface, is that I am writing my paper on despair. Actually I am tracing the movement of the characters in Paradise Lost (other than God the Father and Son) in relation to the despair they are in. Acedia - Kathleen Norris started me on the awareness of this years ago with her writings on acedia. Of course now her latest book focuses on the topic exclusively.

Did you know that the Catholic St. Thomas Aquinas used St. John Cassian's writings to explain sloth? I found it very helpful to read that sloth is considered not only to be a form of hatred towards God (by avoiding / hating spiritual good) but also an opposite to joy.

Wow.

This made Fr. Roman Braga's emphasis on joy more real and understandable. Of course if we think of St. Seraphim of Sarov, and how he called those he met, 'his joy' and how he lived the reality of Pascha year round, the world suddenly is full of brightness.

New Beginnings

New Beginnings - must be a phrase used for many things. I think it may even be or close to being a name of a restaurant where my family lives.

I go to my first class tonight! Am listening to Bach. I finished reading Paradise Lost. I have a paper topic and thesis idea.

Steps are being made; it is odd to not know the outcome.

I pray I may make a good beginning.

So....about that class I am taking and what it may mean

I called a local University in town.

If I...

...do well in the class,
can hand in the paper I will DV write as a writing sample,
get two good references....

then I can apply for a Masters in English Lit to start this Fall.

Then I will see if they want me and if there is still room in the program.

I am going to go for it and see how it goes.

I am in Book 5 (of 12) of Paradise Lost now. I am taking copious notes. I will have to read the whole poem (400 pages) again, perhaps two more times.

The professor emailed me the syllabus today for the class.

I read two poems by John Donne; I love John Donne!

I also found two used books on the history of English Lit - one is from the 1930s and I find it not only informative, but funny - of course I do have a slightly warped sense of humour...

Did you know that "all hell broke loose" is from Milton's Paradise Lost?

This is the lines I read tonight:

"To love or not; in this we stand or fall;" (Book 5, line, also cited as: 5.540).

There are a lot of interesting correlations between Milton, a Protestant, and what I understand of a more Orthodox view of hell as a rejection of God and His love...

Happy Things

On Bright Monday I had a small Pascha Party.

It was very lovely and I appreciate

all who came.

It was a dream come true to have this party.

(Notice the Ikea White bowl setting - was for a precious 2 year old!)

On other positive notes:

1. I will get some money back from taxes. This is good given my current non-job status.

2. I got an A- in my library course! (Thanks for all prayers and encouragment).

3. I think I have almost all of my errands done -

this means I can start really studying for my class.

I admit that I am a bit anxious

about the course I plan on taking.

One thing at a time...