42

Today I am 42.

I chose this picture,

from the last weeks, for this post as it seems to sum up

what my life is about now and what I am able to do.

And that is feed my Husband, sometimes others as well, 

set a nice table and try to make a peaceful home.

I remember when I turned 40 and how in many ways I was thankful and 

excited.  Though we were also reeling a bit from some unbloggable worries 

at the time.... and after I turned 40 we both got sick, then +Patrick died

and we have had a lot of hard times since.

Our own hard times, not others and many would not understand them

but for us, it was, at times very difficult. 

So I am approaching 42 with a lot of mixed feelings I guess.

I have felt and still feel like so many of my dreams died.

 I am still young, so everyone who is older

says of me.  

But I don't know what it means of my dreams for what my life would be like

or what I would be able to do.

I do know that, by God's mercy, I am able to bless others, I am told so.

I know that I wrote my Christmas blog post because I need the message I wrote in it.

Some people have said that their 40s were the best yet but I am still waiting,

but waiting with hope.  

I really want a few things to get back to what I wish they were.

1. I really want to read and write again like I used to.  Esp. as I was reading 

Elder Sophrony and others.  If I had not read and remembered Fr Thomas Hopko's

pray at you can not as you wish you could (to paraphrase)

and that a priest told me that not being able to pray a lot but to dedicate what one does

to God is a kind of prayer in action,

I think I would be a lot more discouraged than I am, at times.

2. I would like to get a better routine, something that has eluded me my whole married life.

But this may not happen.  In the last 2 years esp it has proven utterly impossible

as life has thrown so many curve balls my way that I have had to be very 

flexible in my schedule and let a lot of my dreams (writing, sewing, crafting, hospitality) 

on hold to deal with the tasks at hand.  

3. Be more organized in my Christmas and St Nicholas baking so that it is not so last minute. I think I told myself 'never again' last year and somehow it happened again. I really hope

to get better. That said, I got some great tips lately to help with cleanup, when in a real pinch:

1. bake cookies on parchment paper

2. Bake bars with aluminum foil with a bit of a 'lip' over it 

and then lift the entire sheet of bars out

and cut them up on the foil once they are out of the 9x13 pan.  

I asked my Grandma's advice

on that one (she's doing pretty good with her knee surgery, thank God)

 and I am so doing this.  

I already have a plan in place for the baking I hope to do next week,

before January 7 Christmas. 

4. I also wish our unbloggable worries would resolve. They will, and probably in the 

next half year, but we are not sure yet how they will.  There has been progress

but no progress, yet, in the part that will help making us feel any resolution. 

Soon, maybe. 

Well, the first 3 are really all I can try to work for myself and we will see.

Meanwhile, today is my birthday and I hope and pray that I will seek Christ,

God's will and to love God more and to learn to love more in general, as 

God teaches and shows me.

I am really grateful to God for how He HAS blessed me with a 

good, perfect-for-me Husband, a loving family and family-in-laws, 

good friends, burgeoning friendships, and a wonderful home, pantry, Cleo Cat,

and so many dishes that I cannot help but be happy that I have so much

to put forward to do hospitality with.

Also, I am dreaming of doing a high tea this summer, if our life situation allows.

I have the dishes (my Grandma's), 3 separate 3 tiered plates, lots of goblets, silver-plate

silverware, even white gloves + a silver-plate tea set + many other tea pots.

Wouldn't that be fun!?! 

So, while I struggle with the dreams and wishes I don't have yet,

I have SO MUCH to be thankful for and SO MUCH to count as BLESSINGS

including that I have many blog friends who read, comment, email and pray for me.

So THANK YOU for being here.

I've been writing this blog since I was 28 and here I am just 42 today!

When I remember all my blessings, including the Miss Read books I have

yet to read, then I am very glad indeed and, while I have wishes, hopes and dreams,

I have, when I look at my blessings, so much to look forward to

and be thankful for!

So here's to 42 and dreams of tea, reading, goals to reach and things to ponder.

And soon, for us, at long last CHRISTMAS I can't tell you how much

I am ready!

Married and it is Monday of Butter Week

I was reading a
new to me blog
and listening to what sounded to me
like rain gently falling outside...
except it was not raining.

Right.
Boiling tea that had gotten cold
on stove.
Waste not - want not!

So...
Mr. Husband came back yesterday
from our
far-away church
bursting with love, greetings and gifts
from my NJ church family.
I have not been there since the weekend
of the Florovsky conference in February
which will be a month ago this coming weekend.
(It feels like two months!)
So now Mr. Husband and I are enjoying the tin
of cookies that were sent along...
made in Denmark and full of butter.
Perfect for Butter Week!!

We have this chocolate bar to savour.

Many pots of tea to make.

Some encouragement for today.

Mr. Husband and I ordered this
very large metal funnel
for oil...
plastic does not fare well in the dishwasher
so we got this metal one.
It's hilariously huge
but perfect for pouring oil from the 1 Liter
containers into the cruet. 

Lamadas burning bright. 

Today is St. Photini's day! 
In Slavic languages, 
the name Svetlana is 
the translated name of Photini. 
I have many friends who
love this Saint.
One of my dear friends has her icon
in her kitchen; 
another friend has spoken to me about 
prayers to her regarding 
heart break and complicated relationships.
*
One of the most moving homilies I ever 
heard was when I was in library school
in London Ontario years ago
(the year before I began this blog).
*
The homilist spoke of 
the woman at the well, 
the Samaritan woman,
coming at the noon hour to draw water
and about the heat of the day
the heaviness of the water pot and 
the mere drudgery of the day,
the dustiness of it all.
I felt the weight behind the homilist's words,
that he knew of the day in and day out
drudgery of hard work and exhaustion.
*
And then
Jesus came to the well.
*
Told the woman she had 5 husbands
the one she was with now is not her husband
and led her higher and higher in 
spiritual understanding
until she realized that 
Jesus is the Messiah
and that 
she was speaking to Him
and her life was transformed forever.
She became St. Photoni
bearer of the light of Christ
and evangelized her city;
she met Christ and her 
life was changed 
forever.
She became known as equal to the Apostles. 
*
I remember how my heart rose
at hearing this homily.
How I wanted to meet Jesus too,
like this, 
how I wanted to love Christ.
*
Lord help!
*
So St. Photini is a Saint for us,
in our confused culture,
our complicated lives,
our often hectic wearying days.
*
So wonderful that today is 
St. Photini's day.

One of the lovely and heart-lifting gifts
I was given had this icon of the Theotokos
attached to it.
It reminds me of the Greek Monastery
in Quebec and I put it in my cozy corner
and there am quietly comforted....

My hand lotions in my cozy corner.
*
So I read this incredibly timely
section on Christ and loving Him
by Elder Porphyrios
So wonderful for us to read as we
prepare for Lent.
You can read it here 
*
I really recommend it
for it's beauty, instruction and encouragement.

One of the lovely gifts I was
given is the loaf of
Honey Oatmeal Bread.
*
The icon I was given was with this loaf.
*
Mr. Husband and I had some toasted
(we love toast)
last night with dinner.
Mr. Husband made a point to eat it with butter.
We often quote what one waiter said
to us on our honeymoon:
everything is better with butter.

Mr. Husband and I were given these
flowers as well.
They are so beautiful.
Purple: the colour of Lent.
They are Chrysanthemums and I love them.

 

Mr. Husband got me this rose plant
either the day we got home from our honeymoon
or the day after...
I think the day of.
I am still striving to keep it alive
and love that our kitchen window sill
has green growing plants...
*
One of my friends sent me this quote this morning
and I found it very deep and beautiful:
*
 "Before we enter the Lenten fast, we are reminded that there can be no true fast, no genuine repentance, no reconciliation with God, unless we are at the same time reconciled with one another. A fast without mutual love is the fast of demons. We do not travel the road of Lent as isolated individuals but as members of a family. Our asceticism and fasting should not separate us from others, but should link us to them with ever-stronger bonds." 

Whole article that this quote is from is found here.
*
Blessed Butter Week everyone!

Sunday blessings

Years back,
when I was in my mid-twenties and living
in beautiful BC
one of my close friends
gave me this beautiful tin of
tea.
Peppermint Chamomile.

I refilled the tin last night
with more chamomile tea
(from my Ukrainian sister)
and some mint tea from
my Ottawa Bridgehead... 

We also got a new tea
that I got stored last night
of chamomile and lavender...
*
Both a really enjoyable and calming...

Mr. Husband is making me rest
and is doing kitchen tasks
while listening to a book on CD...
Very homey and good.

Cleo is as cute as always.

My Orthocat :)

My cute little comforting ball of fur...

Mr. Husband and I made it to liturgy...
now I am back in my cozy corner again...
*
The allergic reaction is not painful but
also not leaving that quickly...
*
Three more days after today of the
high dose meds.
I eat more and am craving chocolate. :)
*
It was so very good to get out today and
yesterday... being stuck at home
esp. when Mr. Husband is at work
can be a little tedious at times.
But I have my knitting
and it is a real improvement to have moved my
computer over here, with Mr. Husband's monitor...
*
I am missing my Godson who is over 1 years old now
in Ottawa...
I really wished to go to Ottawa for a weekend in Lent
but now with my uncertain and unclear health,
it is not looking as likely...
but God is with us
and even though Lent is hard,
I am really looking forward to it...
*
While trusting in God's mercy
and the protection of the Most Holy Theotokos...
(Akathist here).
*
I am loving these two (one, two) new to me blogs
that I found via my new knitting love...
*
I am dreaming of baking again...
especially baking bread...
I got this book on Valentines Day,
the day I fell ill,
and am eager to use it,
when my health permits...
*
Believe it or not,
we are trying a recipe for
liver and onions.
The way we figure,
I can use the extra boost and
this is one way to get it...
We were fortunate to find
grass-fed humanely raised liver...
*
Did I mention today that I am so
grateful to God for Mr. Husband?
My heart wants to burst with gratefulness.
*
I am slowly getting caught up on my
blog reading - if I missed yours,
do forgive me.
*
Blog note:
in the midst of my health stuff,
my blog email -
roosje blog AT yahoo . CA
email was spammed and
an URL sent out.
If you got one, DELETE.
So sorry I did not remember to pass this on to you all earlier...
Been a bit hectic around here...
*
Do all, let me know how you are.
I am blessed to have each of you!

first day of the fast

 

Today's happenings...

1. Office really warm today - A/C not being utilized
as much as we would like

2. Had a yummy shrimp, veggie and cashew meal
for dinner at my local down the street
restaurant

3. moved Icon of Sts. Peter and Paul to buffet as
today is the beginning of the fast.

4. Without realizing it,
this morning I was so happy it was a fast;
feel that I need it.

5. my house is more orderly again.

6. HUGE accomplishment - actually booked the cater!!

7. Cleo misses me when I am gone.


I am thankful for all these things.