Friday: How I love you

 

Well, thank God today was better! 

[I got a package in the mail, pictures are below!]

Granny Marigold, I REALLY deeply appreciate your 

concern that I am putting too much pressure on myself.

Yeah.  I am sensing that.

Today my word was 'recalibrating' and taking a breather...

admittedly I still did some work... 

So when I started College, back in the mid-90s, my RD 

actually had to tell me,

Elizabeth, you need to take a break.  You can't work all the time. 

I think I am still learning this. 

And I think it's been really hard, the pandemic,

trying to come to terms with the changes.

I have pretty much given myself probably a Master's worth of research, 

maybe more and perhaps I should just treat it like a PhD in terms of time.

As in it takes years.

I don't want it to take years and years but the research alone may take a year.

Maybe longer.  Maybe I will look back and laugh (gently) about this

because it took way longer.  Hard to say right now.

But yes, I need to figure out how to do this better.

My cold this week did not help.  

I think I am going through the process of loss of a friend

that I can't fully tell you about because it's not my story

but you all know, if you know me, that I love doing dinner parties.

Well.  This last friend is like the last of those who come here.

Other friends have either moved out of our city or State,

or they have young kids + a job and life just changes.

It does sound like we will see some friends visiting in July. 

For one meal only most likely,

but still....That will be nice.

I guess also I have been so sick and tired of being so different than 

everyone and this writing project to me is like having a career, I can,

if I want to, say I am working on XYZ.

Madeleine L'Engle, already in 1982 in her complex, interesting novel,

A Severed Wasp, had a character talk about if you were not

a successful professional in NYC you were no one. 

Now of course that is not true but the feeling, it's there but worse.

I've struggled in a place where pretty much every woman I know in NJ

is a working professional of some sort.

So there's that.

But there's also my huge dream.

Ever since I was just 19 I wanted to be a writer.

I became a librarian when I realized I needed to find a job

but now that I don't have to work, and tried many creative things,

I am back to my first dream.

And I do honestly love what I am researching.

It's like the prefect thing for me.

BUT I do need to slow down or re-balance somehow. 

And I really, in part because this is so new, struggle with some fears about it.

What I am trying to accomplish is, I think, unique, at least in it's combination.

But of course I need to do more research before saying that with more certainty :) 

Anyway, enough about that.

***

Let me show you what my Mom's sister, my Aunt P, mailed me from Canada!

She spent over 23$ mailing it, so generous of her!!! 

I don't know how God arranges things but so often I get an unexpected blessing

when I really could use it, as you could tell my my last blog post...

So beautiful! look at the doily!!!

My Aunt's card explained that my Oma (her Mom) made this

and the other crocheted things! Take a look!

(My Oma died at nearly 103 in 2011)...

I already have plans for BOTH of these table runners 

and am so pleased with them!

Pink cloth placemats! I am going to try 

them out tomorrow at my small

tea table!

Two neat tea towels! One from Jamaica and

 the other one is hand embroidered! 

And 12 napkin rings of two styles! 

They are just darling and I look forward to using them!

***

It was like God was reassuring me that I could have 

dinner parties again one day.

I've been really sad about so many leaving who I used to have over.

***

Well, speaking of tables and linens, tomorrow I hope to change my

table cloth out for Pentecost this Sunday 

(I know, we are so late this year!) and will put 

my Easter/Pascha decorations away...

***

I may be going to the MET museum in NYC in July!

***

Anyway, today was better and I think next week will be

good... my cold is dissipating more daily,

we have more church and I may go to NYC as well...

***

Meanwhile, I best get to sleep :)

***

God bless you each one 

and keep you in His care...