Today really was a miracle day because I'm running on about maybe 5 hours sleep in 48 hours. Hopefully I'll sleep more tonight. But today I listen to music a lot and it was really helpful.
I was able to do something that I've been wanting to do but I struggle with change and with what I think is the best way to care for myself. In this case, I'm going to a different eye doctor.
Everything so far points to a very good experience. I'm basically missing an eye doctor I had who retired and who was a good fit for me. The person I had in between was very kind but I just couldn't get over the change.
I was able to order groceries today, I folded laundry and I even called my Mom. I used to call my mom everyday but after my memory loss all of those normal routine things broke. Just like I used to call my Grandma every Friday. Friday afternoon I would be folding laundry and I would talk to her on my Vonage phone which I no longer have and I would use headphones so I'd have my hands free.
I am loving my new teapot. It has a very open top and it's easy to put your hand in and wash it quickly. I used my grandma's dishes today and silver plate silverware. I knew that I would feel better with the table more beautiful.
I wrote something for my writing project that I think was a really strong page of writing. It was a gift from God during the night when I couldn't sleep.
Next week is an extra feast day and I'm going to go to PT to do a checkup & also to talk about just physical strengthening. I lost a lot of strength and such things because of my mental illness and memory loss.
When I have a PTSD trigger like this and I'm more aware of the continual mental illness I have, God is always breaking through. It's like brokenness lets the light in.
I can understand more now how deeply grieved I was because of my cousin's husband's death. And someone who was an uncle also died in Canada recently. I hadn't seen him in some time. So a bunch of my Canadian Aunts and Uncles went to that funeral well, the rest of that family was with my cousin in Michigan. Only my mom and her oldest sister immigrated to the States after immigrating to Canada both because of marriage.
I've been thinking of the generosity of God. How I have that new cute Rose teapot it's made in England and to be honest it was not cheap. But it's very well made. It's such a bright white porcelain and I trust that the people in England who made it were paid a living wage. It's a real blessing to me to have that teapot especially because I bought it at Tea and Sympathy. A place I love deeply.
It's been very good to be at home. I have a lot of inward mental struggles when I don't sleep at this level. But yet I'm aware of God's mercy.
I read this essay by Sarah Clarkson today. I highly recommend it. I ordered two books because of it.
I pray that each of you is finding strength for your journey. Rest when you're weary and comfort when you're in pain or in anguish. May God have mercy on us.
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