About that cheesecake (and chocolate...) and remembering winters past

So last week I made a cheesecake, on Tuesday

when Mr. Husband was home because of the weather

 and I was 

listening to this book 

via my headphones and phone,

and the phone rang, Mr. Husband was talking to our

electrician and I forgot after each of the 5 eggs to mix more

and I did not realize that the cream cheese should be softened

and so after worrying about the seemingly undone middle,

I put it the fridge. 

It waited till Thursday for us to try it,

as Wednesday was a normal fast day.

*

Well, the texture was wrong; had lumps.

Tasted to me, who expected greatness,

like the worst cheesecake I've ever made.

I realized later that I simply found it too sweet.

I thought of making it into a pudding but

then tried it again; it was not worth the trouble 

and my husband liked it enough to eat it...

So we've had some,

Mr. Husband most.

It does not come out well, crumbling into soft pieces of 

sweet cheesecake.

*

I will try again next time....and remember to add less sugar,

mix it better and with every egg added 

and to have the cream cheese warmed for 5-6 hours first.

After shoveling this week,

our sidewalk is pretty clean but not everyone is shoveling or

keeping things clean...

I made hot cocoa. 

We opened a special box of chocolates,

the front of it Mr. Husband just loving for it's beauty.

Very chocolaty. 

Well,

It's official.

I tried to make good hot cocoa but Mr. Husband,

while he drank his small cup,

a cup I got in my days in Sweden almost 20 years ago,

he just does not care for it.
He was very nice about it though and thank God
he loves to drink tea of all sorts with me!
I am wondering if I actually should thank God that
my beloved does not really care for hot cocoa as
it is one of my favourites and I am of a
conserving type who worries of running out of
a favourite, even though if you saw my pantry
you would see I am well stock in the cocoa department... :) 

*

I've been thinking of when I lived in Cooper street in Ottawa;

in an old brick building with a beautiful wood banister.

The place was really going downhill and I've heard it is even

worse than when I lived there.

I remember homeless men sleeping in the vestibule,

trying to stay warm on the hard old tiled floor,

I would step over them to get to work;

I felt more pity for them than annoyance and while 

they smelled strongly of rough living and the streets,

I don't remember being angered by them.

Only bewildered and a bit guilty to
why they were suffering so and sleeping nights in winter
in the outside vestibule of the apartment building while
 I had a warm place, food and at times a very good job.

*

The place got worse though and they were letting people rent

whose type had not been seen there before;

more skanky in immediate feel, not the well dressed young students or 

government workers.

*

One night the inner door of the vestibule, which was a thick new

modern glass door, was shattered; I woke up to the sound 

in the only panic attack I've ever had.

*

But what I remember most right now was not this as much

as the grey slush of winter months and no one mopping the wood floor

after the black rug stopped being enough to keep the slush and mud

at bay, and I would just go up to where I lived on the fourth floor

and try to keep my own place clean.

*

It was a lovely space, a huge kitchen, big windows, good light. 

It held a lot of my life for those two plus years,

years when I had good work and years when work was souring.

It's funny, some people had the same job for their whole life,

others many; but I am seeing that almost for all,

even though I love winter so much, 

at least those bright sunny brisk days with white snow,

 winter is hard; cold, slushy with some mud.

*

Staying inside, drinking lots of hot tea and reading books,

this is what seems the best during these days;

and trying to bake and make things to enjoy

with friends.

*

It is a question though of how to spend those days,

at least for me;

I will want to do something for someone 

and then I will have a day in NYC and then 

seem to need days to recover and what can I do

for another and what virtue can I hope to obtain?

*

I think and hope that Great Lent can help me

in this quest...