many thoughts, not many words

well. it's been a while again since i wrote here.

so what to say? emmm... not much. i have discovered a new mystery series i like by Jeanne M Dams about a woman who moves to England and is from the Midwest of the States. i appreciate these books very much, as i have moved from the midwest of the States and live in Canada.

sometimes i feel like no one recognizes that this is actually a cultural shift, to do this. esp. as i grew up in the country and now live in a city. and i don't know anyone here who grew up in my same North American Dutch CRC culture. not that i do not have lots of cultures here to enjoy, esp as i am Orthodox. i just do not have the one culture that i am most familiar with, which i was born in, and lived and breathed until i was around 16 or so (long story how i eventually left home and this culture).

sometimes i want my mother's Dutch soup and that is ALL i want.

so i was happy to discover these books because it reminded me of how i can feel and also reminded me that many have been through these same things.

i was also reminded of how much i have been given by leaving ... now my church was NEVER a hell-fire and brimstone church, but when i was reading one of the mysteries, titled _Killing Cassidy_ there is this CRAZY should-be-looked-up preachers who said from his pulpit something to the effect of "hell is within you" and i immediately thought, NO, that is totally wrong, as Christ said "the kingdom of God is within you" - such a difference. this is the best way i can summarize the change from my understanding of human beings that i grew up with (not that everyone was this bad, but the misunderstanding of humans was very rampant) and the understanding of humans that the Orthodox Church has maintained for hundreds of years...

well there you go. typical of me - say i do not have much to say and then say it all anyway. Lord have mercy!