Sophia and processing the past

A year ago Friday a young girl named Sophia died. The same day as Queen Elizabeth. 

Sophia, the daughter of a young priest, oldest child of 4.  

I was in Ottawa to celebrate our 10th anniversary. 

It was such a joyous time that day. 

But the whole time I was aware of Sophia and was in grief. 

Actually it was one of the hardest trips back to my beloved Ottawa of my whole life. 

It was wonderful and terribly difficult all at once. I got to see beloved friends and had many very special meals. Including with Peter who died this past Great and Holy Friday. 

The last time I saw him I told him I loved him. 

I  was in so much complicated grief that I couldn't stay at the church I loved so much. 

I had first a year of profound loss.  Then I had a year of more profound loss and deeply traumatic illness.

Thank God I have God's help. The Saints.  And psychological support.  And friends. And my valiant Husband. 

Life has times of real suffering. I know I am in one but also a year I pray of growth and repentance. 

I also understand that it is going to take more time to recover emotionally (at the very least) from my time of great illness. 

Ottawa was a gift those 7 beautiful years. It was a gift to return last year. I pray God allows me to return again. I don’t know when especially as I am not physically or emotionally as strong because of this past year. 

And so it is.

The wonderful thing is that God is still here.  And He is full of light, of love.