Church, Lunch and Brighton Beach in NYC

I went to church this morning for the new calendar

feast of the Beheading of St John the Baptist. 

It was beautiful... I so wish more were there to see and even

be in awe of the beauty that is so clearly present...

Then a friend and I had lunch and then went to Brighton Beach...

which I had not been to before, it's in NYC near Coney Island.

We went to the beach first and then to various Russian shops.

The beach was nice, but typical beach, except that I don't remember

seeing men (middle aged or older and thin) being so incredibly tan that their

(white) skin is almost burnt black... seems so unwise with skin cancer being a 

serious health issue that I know family and friends have had!

I liked the beach, the sun shining on the waters, the waves...

the children playing...

I read an email while sitting on the sand about grief and Cleo

and felt that newly familiar wave of sadness...

I looked out at the waves and sought to be absorbed only in the beauty of them...

I ate a soft-ice cream cone like I had not eaten in days... 

I found Russian cookies that I had been wanting; 

and I got some blini; I felt blessed to have the treats;

grief is so weird; I am struggling with worry that others will think it 

strange to grief the loss of a cat for more than 3 days.

What does loss mean? 

My Mom told my Aunt H that Cleo died and she cried; 

(did I say that already 

yesterday?) ...

I told my friend S today and she teared up; 

my friend L. (also at church) was shocked.

What does grief mean? 

What does it mean that Cleo's quiet present sitting nearby me

or being petted by Mr Husband at night while he is doing his exercises

no longer happens?

That we threw away her litter box? That I am going to pack up her food bowls?

(I am keeping them).  That I am figuring out in time who to give various things to 

that we don't need as we don't have Cleo.

That I loved Cleo so much and she was there for 13 years of my life

and so many seasons of my life.

what does it mean to not know what form of comfort

 I will have now that I don't have Cleo? 

For various reasons, I am not sure we will get another cat,

at least while we live in New Jersey, which we think will be for some years yet.

My friend Z. was over a few weeks ago and commented that we could have a second

buffet (small one like the one the star lamp is on) where Cleo's food station is.

And now Cleo is gone, I looked, the buffet was on sale (which often means

it is being discontinued) and I (with consultation of Mr Husband) bought it

and we are indeed putting it by Cleo's food station, in place of it.

I hope to have a nice picture of Cleo there...

I want it to be small... simple... I hope to pick a picture soon... 

I was worried, last week, about possibly going to Brighton Beach today

as I was worried that Cleo would be alone while so sick

but she's gone and I went to the beach... 

I got some really special jarred honey and blue and white Russian tea towels...

I have various moments of tears or near tears...

I find grief hard, but somehow I am relieved when I am sad about

losing Cleo... but I am also glad when I can look at pictures of her

over the years here on my blog and not feel

pained as much as remembering...

***

Mr Husband and I had burgers and fries for dinner

before going home from NYC... I and the subway I was taking 

was late/delayed so we got there too late for dinner at his work...

I am so glad I am home tomorrow.

***

I pray each of you are being upheld, no matter what your current situation is...

may God have mercy on us!