(Day 18) without Cleo: thrift shopping and being home

I was up early, lighting candles, listening to prayers, emptying the 

dishwasher of clean dishes, folding laundry, getting ready for 

going to the thrift store with a really good local friend...

I found the cozy super 'comfy' white cotton knit blanket, 

a grey vest for Mr Husband and a purple blouse for me, all

just 3 cents less than 13 dollars, so a pretty good price!

***

I was really missing (or noticing that I was missing) Cleo Cat today.

I keep thinking I see her at home,

as if I am subconsciously looking for her and am so excited

for a brief second when I think I have found her and then realize

I am still utterly mistaken and Cleo Cat is still gone, buried in our friends garden.

I told my Mom on the phone that I wish I knew how long that would last,

that I would keep thinking I found her or saw her in our house.

'Oh there you are Cleo, where were you hiding? I would often 

say to her as she did love hiding, esp in the later years.

Today I wore the black jacket I wore when we said goodbye and later

buried her.  It still had lots of fur on it in long strands.

I could not bring myself to clean the hairs off, but by the time I got back home,

most of them were gone. 

***

So my Husband and I had a, most likely very humorous, conversation about Cleo.

In the end the result was a re-affirmation that God never loses anything or

forgets anything so He has not lose track of Cleo or anything else. 

And if it is in my best interest in Heaven, then Cleo and I would be reunited

but if it were not, then we would not, but no matter what, 

God would not lose Cleo in anyway.

My Husband understandably realizes that 

Heaven is way beyond our understanding.

I was really happy by this conversation, as it unfolded because of my belief

in God as our Heavenly Father and that He is good, that He loves mankind; 

that He is full of loving-kindness and that the animals look to Him

for their food in due season, as the Psalms say. 

So if one trusts God as one's fully trustworthy unwavering faithful 

Heavenly Father and that He is good and loving,

then knowing that He is taking care of Cleo and that in Heaven 

He will have what is the absolute best then I don't have to worry.

It's just crazy how much I miss that Cat sometimes; 

I have turned a corner but I don't always know what the corners in grief

look like.  I miss knowing that Cleo is OK, that she is not lost or hurting in anyway.

I always looked for her before i went to bed, esp as sometimes she could get

locked in our office if she snuck in there when Mr Husband did not notice.

She was allowed in there, but not overnight as she could be naughty and get on tables

and such and we did not want her messing up my Husband's work space!

Sometimes all of a sudden I would hear this piteous 'meow' and realize that 

Cleo has woke from her nap and was locked in the office again!

***

Well.  I am going to visit family soon.

I always have this pull towards home when I am about to leave it

for a short bunch of days. 

But soon, I will be back.  I just wish my Cleo Cat would be there to

greet me or even to 'yell' at me for leaving her!

***

I am still doing the 'firsts' 

and it is just going to take more time.

The picture of the book page is from Gladys Taber's book.

I am quite enjoying it, even though I had a significant 

disagreement with it. 

She still has a lot of practical wisdom about grieving in it.

***

I won't have much time to write in the coming days but if I can,

will post a little photo essay (with little or no words) of things I saw at 

The Cloisters. 

***

God bless and keep you all! 

***

Ps: saw this video today and liked it!