(Day 17) without Cleo: I never did eat that blini

I had a list of things to do today and had written

'eat blini' (the thin pancakes, I had some pre-made in the fridge)

but I never did get to that...

Instead, in search of a suitcase, I took out everything that was on a hanger

and any hanger that was empty out of our main closet,

plus other things that were utterly disorganized.

I made 3 boxes (we have some we bought a few years ago that came flat-packed

and that we have not yet needed) and 2 boxes went on to the shelves and 1 box

is going to go in the garage. 

I have more room for my clothes and weeded them... 

The mess that it made while I was in that process was pretty overwhelming.

I started reading this book, Another Path, by Gladys Taber.

I am enjoying it - and it made me cry.  

I think in part because of Cleo dying but I think in part because

of the pain of loss itself, and of how that grief, or many griefs, is never 

fully over; my Grandpa; my Oma and Oma; my Aunt Karen; Uncle Hank; 

my Uncle Jack... loss is a very difficult part of life... 

I bought it because it deals with grief and I thought with the loss of 

my beloved Cleo Cat, it could be good to read.

And it is good to read.

***

I was, however, disappointed to read that she did not think that Jesus' 

death was a sacrificial one! 

One of my favourite prayers is this one: 

 "O Lord God, Lamb of God, Son of the Father, 

Who take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us!

You, Who take away the sins of the world, receive our prayer!

You, Who sit on the right hand of God the Father, have mercy on us!

For You alone are holy, and You alone are Lord. 

You alone, O Lord Jesus Christ, are most high in the glory of God the Father! Amen!"

***

I esp love this part:  "Lamb of God, Son of the Father, who take away the sins

of the world, receive our prayer... have mercy on us!"

and a similar prayer is in the priest prayer in the prayers before the liturgy

(i.e. the liturgy is the service where 

there is Holy Communion):

"Sacrificed is the Lamb of God, the Son of the Father, Who takes away the sin of the world for the life of the world and for its salvation."

(John, Chapter 1, Verse 29;  I John, Chapter 2, Verse 2)

***

So, I will accept that Gladys thought differently but I can't but be sad at this,

as the richness of Christianity and the ultimate hope we have is because

Christ is the Lamb of God, and He did die so we can live. And we 

live because He is Risen and Ascended into Heaven and is coming back

to judge the living and the dead;

that He is coming back; that there is an end to all this;

that is my hope; my understanding of the meaning of life, of my life,

of all the suffering I see; everything, only; can be solved one day in this hope.

***

So I will appreciate her writing for what it is and not for what it is not, 

if that makes sense. 

She describes grief very well and I am glad that at least she went 

to some sort of church. 

And she does write so beautifully. 

***

I am so glad for leftovers!

We had the very last of the beef from last Sunday

(well other than 1 container, enough for 2, that I have in the freezer)

and that means that the meal, the beef part, cost about 3.25 approx per person

after you factor in that after the meal it was 6 servings. 

The potatoes, btw, were wonderful; I used this recipe, altered a little by

using fresh parsley that baked up so wonderfully and 

both my Husband and I enjoyed the crunch.

I love how our toaster oven cooks these so well. 

I really enjoyed pots of tea today.

And the last of the snickers ice cream bars, I admit!

The beautiful yellow roses wilted suddenly but this one 

was still good and looks so very nice on the buffet!  

I did laundry today and I was thinking about how,

while laundry is that thing that is never done,

how I love folding the towels, 

in that I love them, that I love how they clean up spills

or are soft and comfortable to dry up after a hot bath or

the cloth napkins that soak up my spills from a teapot

that I so often overfill! 

And I am very aware of how blessed I am to have

in-suite laundry.

We even had a cute little laundry room!

Many people who live in my city have to do laundry outside of

their actual apartment and I know how blessed I am to 

be able to do laundry so easily.

***

It's one of my homemaking joys, esp absorbent napkins and

thick fluffy towels. I got some amazing towels (probably the best

I have EVER had) at the VNA rummage sale for basically

'mere pennies' as one would say. 

***

I really do love our home and even though Cleo is not here 

to enjoy our home with us now, I still am happy that we have our home

and that I can tend it. 

***

By the way, the suitcase that I was looking for and cleaned up 

the whole closet for:

it was in the garage. :) 

But I am so happy I got this closet re-done.

I have other closets that need tending but that will have to wait!

***

I've been thinking about one's thoughts.

Specifically about anxiety.

And that sometimes worry is not only unfounded but

is really a frightened projection that is not at all a possibility

or does not have to be a possibility or a final reality. 

That you can see future events with either faith or fear, 

and when fear, I am not meaning

(I don't mean no a large scale or in times or war or things like that

but more about one's individual life and plans one has)

***

I have found that I have to re-think things and coach myself,

telling myself that expecting the worst or getting caught up in worry

about an unknown future event is not helping.

That I can think "maybe it will be alright" and that it can even be good.

***

I am, for sure, not saying this very adeptly but I hope you get the idea anyway.

***

How often Christ told us not to worry.

How often I fail at that.

***

Yet the Lord is merciful and I pray that His mercy

will be felt in your life, pouring down like 

healing oil on whatever is battering or troubling your soul....