Struggling through the layers

Part of growing up,

by which I mean,

becoming more whole

which must mean, as Anastasia

pointed out in my previous post,

is to become more like Christ.

I really appreciated all of the responses from this post,

from the understanding of those who are single

to those who are older than I...

I am gathering that one of the areas of

growing up

is to begin to see one's self more clearly.

Including those areas of one's life that

suddenly appear to be in great need of attention.

Areas that for whatever reason

it seems to be hard to become whole

to be obey Christ

to become like Christ.

For me,

with my cozy house of cat and books,

I am realizing that I am struggling against

anxiety on a fairly dramatic scale.

***

Those who know me in person

or who have read my blog for a while,

I don't think will be surprised by this.

***

Of course I am also in a situation

that is uncertain

taking French

using my savings

for an unknown future job

feels

a tad

precarious.

***

But nonetheless,

I am slowly

declaring war on the anxiety

that has been with me all too long.

***

So how to do this?

***

Going to church.

Participating in all the sacraments.

Praying.

Mediating on Scripture.

Reading Orthodox devotional material.

Repentance.

Talking to those I need to talk to about

rooting out anxiety,

reading up on the subject,

reading books by Christians on anxiety.

Re-evaluating my eating habits.

Drinking more water.

Failing and getting up again and again and again.

Prayers to St. Spyridon who a Monk

told my friend helps for anxiety

and whose prayers helped this friend.

When I can I hope to go to a monastery again,

where deep healing can be continued.

***

I just re-read Gentian Hill by Elizabeth Goudge.

In this book Elizabeth Goudge shows how fear can be faced

and conquered;

her understanding of detachment

and other insights to me are deep hints of the

Orthodox understanding of

do not react

that Metropolitan Jonah's articles made well-known

in the online Orthodox circles.

***

God will bring me

in all my weakness and brokenness

to His safe harbour.

The inner storms that buffet cannot destroy

or keep me from the love of God.

***

Be kind for everyone you know is fighting a great battle.

— Philo of Alexandria

***

The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

Psalm 103 verses 8-14