Sunshine on Wednesday Morning

 

Ok, welcome to the world of little sleep.  I am runnning on very

little but I just have to go with it for now.

I am in a lot of change inwardly right now and sometimes

insomnia is just part of that progress.

However, am working on some CBT therapy God willing

this summer and insomnia will be addressed. 

***

I began this post this morning and now it's evening,

early evening, the clouds have returned but I remember the 

beautiful sunshine this morning... 

***

looks like we are going to have a lot of May Showers but 

one day at a time...

So: my new CBT therapy is going to be great.

I won't say a lot about it but it's so I can come back to my

normal, confident, assertive, happy, more balanced, self. 

***

The last stage of healing from PTSD is when you 

have what is called 

Post-Tramatic Growth and what I would call

Re-Intergration into a person who is forever changed

but who can be stronger, more flexiable and we hope

more understanding of other's pain because 

she will never forget the pain she herself endured. 

***

It's going to take time and I am hopeful for this summer,

I am praying it will be a summer of freedom,

as in some of the suffering and illness that has been keeping me

from full healing being released and moved on from... 

We really don't know, this side of things,

why so much happens in life.

Why was I born in my situation?

My family, my life, my upbringing, all the blessings?

But others born into chaos, war, refugee camps, and worse? 

I think so often, 

only God can sort everything out...

***

 Well, I can say one thing:

Thank You.

Thank You God for blessing me so much.

Thank You for everything...

***

I don't know when my life will fully stabilize, by which I mean

going back to NYC on a consistent basis,

to my library, to the MET, to all the places I love...

***

All I can tell you is that I see so clearly

in this moment that I think I have been given a real gift

of just the right person to help me regain myself,

so that I can fly again... 

*** 

I often think that life and growth,

including in our live in Christ,

is like a spiral where we are going forward but

we go up and down as we slowly go forward,

sometimes though everything breaks

and the spiral has to be reformed and rebuilt,

sauntered, all pieces found and put together again...

***

So, it's like I get to come to life again...

Meanwhile, I need dinner so this blog post is going to get done now...

it's good to be back here.

I may not have time to be here all the time later,

because I have a lot of goals and things to work on...

But when God allows, then here I am...