how it is right now

It's still strange to be back as it were... I have been well for about a week. 

When I looked at the calendar and realized that it has only been a little time... it rather is surprising. 

And makes my feelings more understandable. 

Feelings of shock, of shyness, of reticence. 

It's a lot. 

And in ways I am still rediscovering things.  Not that I have forgotten something but since I don't read the news .... sometimes I don't realize what is over and what is ongoing. 

I almost done with the steroids that I was put on. My doctor thinks my memory issues are from this. Also, horrifyingly, the very sleep med I was desperate to have may have done it or contributed. 

It was scary for me and so confusing. I came out of the amnesia in stages and sometimes I would "wake up" not knowing who I was or why I was washing my candlestick. Once I "woke up" not knowing anything and was on a walk with my Husband on a cold grey day with cutting wind and felt that the world was dystopian, ugly and I was horrified. It was such a painful process. 

It really helped that my Mom came. She was such a source of comfort. She kept telling me that I would get better, that many people were praying for me. As I improved would also tell me this. That I was getting better. 

Once, when I was getting much better but walking up from a nap I may not have realized that I had lost my memory. One of these times I woke, realized my Mom was here, that I had lost my memory, I burst into tears. I had thought it was a dream. That it had not happened. 

I think my biggest struggle since I have been better (as in no having memory loss issues) is shock. I just can't believe that it happened. Yet it did. 

Physically I am quite weak.  I feel shaky still and well low-grade rotten feeling pretty much all the time. 

It's going to take a while for a full recovery. 

Thanks for your prayers comments and emails.