Spring

I was rather astonished to realize Spring has sprung....

I took a few block walk to mail 2 letters and saw that the trees were in flower. Today was the first day that I had a walk by myself. And only one short nap. Recovery from months of illness is a bit of a prolonged endeavour.

When I was still very sick I prayed that God would help me return. Even though each time I prayed the world seemed ugly, glaring white lights, terrible city landscapes of tall buildings with square lights bright but lifeless.  

Now I need to continue to return by becoming stronger physically and able to resume my life.

I discovered a DE Stevenson book 📖 that I had not re-read that was quite pleasurable to read.

Fun to see how Stevenson toes this tale with her novel The House of the Deer.

She's such a wise writer. 

Well I must be patient but also persistent it seems in this healing process. 

May God have mercy on us 🙏. 

The Taste of Freedom

I am finally off prednisone FOREVER. To celebrate I had 2 small pots of caffeinated tea over breakfast!

Taste of freedom. 

When I think of so many in the world struggling with war, poverty and such struggles ... having tea at breakfast in peace, in my own home, with my Husband, it really is what so many wish for.... it really is part of freedom....

I am so grateful but yet my thanksgiving is not as deep as others who have gone through much worse....

how it is right now

It's still strange to be back as it were... I have been well for about a week. 

When I looked at the calendar and realized that it has only been a little time... it rather is surprising. 

And makes my feelings more understandable. 

Feelings of shock, of shyness, of reticence. 

It's a lot. 

And in ways I am still rediscovering things.  Not that I have forgotten something but since I don't read the news .... sometimes I don't realize what is over and what is ongoing. 

I almost done with the steroids that I was put on. My doctor thinks my memory issues are from this. Also, horrifyingly, the very sleep med I was desperate to have may have done it or contributed. 

It was scary for me and so confusing. I came out of the amnesia in stages and sometimes I would "wake up" not knowing who I was or why I was washing my candlestick. Once I "woke up" not knowing anything and was on a walk with my Husband on a cold grey day with cutting wind and felt that the world was dystopian, ugly and I was horrified. It was such a painful process. 

It really helped that my Mom came. She was such a source of comfort. She kept telling me that I would get better, that many people were praying for me. As I improved would also tell me this. That I was getting better. 

Once, when I was getting much better but walking up from a nap I may not have realized that I had lost my memory. One of these times I woke, realized my Mom was here, that I had lost my memory, I burst into tears. I had thought it was a dream. That it had not happened. 

I think my biggest struggle since I have been better (as in no having memory loss issues) is shock. I just can't believe that it happened. Yet it did. 

Physically I am quite weak.  I feel shaky still and well low-grade rotten feeling pretty much all the time. 

It's going to take a while for a full recovery. 

Thanks for your prayers comments and emails. 

back from very unexpected adventures

Well, I'm back... so says Sam in The Lord of the Rings.

I ended up being quite unwell for a while. I still can't quite believe it myself but for a while I basically lost my memory.  Returning with my memory intact took a while. My Mom came to help out  for 2 weeks and returned last night. I am pretty much better now. 

I remember everything except the earliest days after my memory was lost.  It was a really difficult period. As you can imagine. 

I still feel pretty fragile about it; such a shock to have happen.

I still have a hard time fully believing it even though I lived through it. It's like I have to still integrate myself. 

Well, never thought something like this would happen to me! My Husband was so distraught. He still says things like "it's so nice to have you back" ... it took a while, my Mother was very encouraging. 

It's been a difficult time but hopefully I will regain my physical strength as well. I am not going to NYC (etc) until I am stronger. 

Not sure what else to say! I miss my Mom's presence with us and am really glad for my loving Husband ❤️....