Miracles and the End of Great Lent 2020

We have some extra blessed bread (called prosphora) in our freezer...

we usually would go through about one a week.

The last one we had gotten March 15th and finished today,

I had broken it into small pieces. 

This one I also did into smaller pieces. 

We eat this after having a small drink/sip of blessed holy water,

first thing in the morning before breakfast.

I talked to my niece today in MI,

over video-chat for an hour. 

She is 3 and loves to see things in our home.

It's very sweet. 

I got out the box of my wooden Easter eggs to show her

and later put it in this basket. 

We had 'fake chicken' for dinner from Trader Joes.

I baked it too long but I liked it.

But it has a lot of soy so I can only have a little at a time,

it's rough on the tummy.

I had a new hot pot of tea and two vegan soft cookies 

and a vegan square of chocolate to celebrate Great Lent being over.

We are now in the 'bridge weekend' between Great Lent

and Holy Week. 

And I really feel the passage of time here.

That something has turned as we say goodbye to Great Lent 2020.

***

What a hard Lent it has been.

In some ways other Lents have been harder for us

but WOW this one was hard. 

I found the last 2 weeks progressively harder and had

some curve balls of concern (at least 3!) that I had to wade through

and that weighed me down.

***

One thing I can see is that since late February/early March I was

afraid, very afraid, of running out of something I wanted in terms of food.

I have a very well stocked pantry in terms of pasta, beans/lentils, baking things,

some canned and dried fruit.

I had no shelf-stable vegetables; now I have some; 

I also have lots of tea, treats, jam, honey and cocoa and am 

very very grateful. 

***

We had lived with a lot of fear and unknowns before relating to a now 

thank God *past* unbloggable and I sure kept my pantry well stocked,

to weather any storm as it were... 

***

But not knowing if I would get a grocery delivery slot

for the last month was really hard for me.

(I got an even better on today, Tuesday mornings,

and I can have it every week as long as I keep making a weekly order!

it's a miracle of a magnitude that feels like a sudden 

earthquake but in relief).

I realize that a lot of you don't have this option and that getting groceries

may still be difficult.

I realize I am incredibly fortunate. 

***

So now I can see how scared I was.

How tired.  Actually I am still tired.

I was looking for something in my box in the pantry 

that has more 'bathroom' like supplies 

(soap, shampoo, toothpaste, cotton, that sort of thing) and

I found a box of matchbooks in the pantry.

We had a box for candles and lampadas and we only had a few

matchbooks left.

I had been using a small candle stub as much as I could instead of a match.

So finding an entire unopened box (of 50 matchbooks! this will last us YEARS) in my pantry

was a sudden surprise and made me think more about the sense

of relief I am feeling now.

And it tells me how scared I had been feeling.

***

If I know one thing, it is this.

Don't add guilt to the realization of your sin or weakness.

(Guilt, as in feeling guiltily in a certain way and repentance are not the same thing;

repentance can include sadness, a desire to change and the actual change; 

the guilt I refer to here is different).

So I am not going to beat myself up for my fear.

It is enough to realize it and to seek God.

***

And I found another thing of tealights ... I was getting a bit worried about that too;

I use tealights for our incense burner; it's like everything,

in terms of things and food, is now not at all an immediate worry.

***

I can't imagine the suffering that many have gone through in history

and now.  The lack of things, basic things, needed things.

***

Well.  I guess a big part of Lent for me was struggling

with this fear and also with a lot of sadness in terms of 

the world situation and need for lockdown; that's not over yet

but I feel like something has turned.

***

And I hope that for each of you.

***

Lord have mercy on us.

***

I can tell here we are both quite tired and trying to 

do the best we can.

***

May Christ carry us to His Pascha, His Holy Resurrection. 

***

For all who have their Easter weekend this weekend,

may it be blessed, even if spent in your own home.