(52) A quiet rainy day, peaceful while missing my Cleo Cat

It was a good day.

Walked 30 minutes!

Mr Husband worked from home.

I read a hard to find DE Stevenson book, 

The Tall Stranger

and loved it. 

It was a lovely day to have rain.

Cozy.

***

I was aware of missing Cleo more today.

I don't think I process her loss evenly,

as in it was super hard at the beginning but like 

I have read about injuries,

at first there is shock, later there is pain.

I miss Cleo.  I miss talking with and to her.

I miss seeing her.

It's just the way it is. 

52 days and it's just going to take a long time I think.

I have good days, I don't cry every day now.  But.  I miss her.

She's not coming back. 

I can never hold her again or feel her warm furry self. 

I had her 13 years; I was 29, I believe, when I got her. 

I will be 43 at the end of December.

29 to 43 is a big difference.

I am really glad for things that make losing Cleo easier than

it could have been for me.

Like being married to Mr Husband and having a nice home together.

The library in NYC I can go to and work.

Lots of things I can do.

***

I still feel, esp at times, a bit lost about the fact that I don't 

really have many friends local to me who are in my situation;

married but no kids and being a homemaker and not having a paid job.

Shoot, I finally came up with a phrase for the ever present question

of "what do you do?" that people ask her.

I say: everything but paid work and then list various things so that

people have something to latch on to; 

as in they don't know what to do with me; anomaly. 

There's a lot of really good reasons for me not to work

and I am really happy to be creating the home I have with my Husband; 

I know that my Husband is blessed by this

and I can be there for others in a way I could not if I was working. 

***

And I am slowly working on essays but really, between some 

unexpected but good coming-up-fast visits with friends and the 

wedding we are going to, and the fact that it's halfway to November and 

I have a lot of baking for St Nicholas day and Christmas + 4 or more

potential dinners or lunches I hope to do between now and then,

I am not really going to get to essay writing much until, 

God-willing, the new year. 

***

Praying for so many.

May the Lord have mercy on us all!