Cleo's last day with us

I woke up at 5 something AM and Cleo was in the laundry room.

I woke again about 8 AM, still on the couch, Cleo was still in the laundry room.

She had tried to use the litter box, her paw prints were inside

but she was unable to do it and peed on the pee pad,

which was not at problem as the pee never leaks through.

So I put that pad in the washer and replaced it with a fresh clean pad.

Cleo as still in the laundry room.

I got her some ice cream and brought her back to where her carrier was.

I had pads down on the rug for any possible accidents. 

I napped and Cleo napped.

I listened to Ancient Faith Radio and never watched Perry Mason today.

It felt like the right thing to do, in many many ways.

So Cleo was surrounded with prayers all day.

She went back to the laundry room.

I later took her in my arms and carried her to each room of our house, 

even the bedroom with our icons, our bathroom off of the bedroom, 

the chapel, the office (showing her where she liked to be on the rug and chair),

the pantry where her food is stored, and kept saying 

"bye bye, bye bye (bed) (office) (chapel) (pantry)" while holding her.

I put her briefly on the chair looking out the window,

she did not move but would have fallen off if I had not taken her back.

She was so weak, thin, you can see she looks like a pancake :(

And I gave her more ice cream, I think this is one of the times she licked it.

Other than she only drank bits of water throughout the day.

She vomited a little while I was talking on speaker-phone with my sister-friend,

who visited me so many times with Cleo there and she felt comforted

by hearing her voice...that's when she threw up a little 

(I could tell she was trying to earlier but could not) ... 

When she went back to the laundry room again, I left her there as she 

wished ... soon Mr Husband came home, with a dozen red roses,

9 of which we kept for the Feast of the Dormition of the Mother of God on Wednesday,

where we bless flowers and herbs. 

Cleo stayed in the laundry room.  I ate some food, I could not eat much at a time

as I was so sad... and I got dressed in my nice outfit for Cleo's last trip to the vet

and later burial.  I have 425 pictures of just today.

I must have THOUSANDS of Cleo pictures :) 

I held Cleo in my arms and my Husband took final pictures of us in our home.

We took a cab to the vet.  Cleo was quite curious about the ride,

and enjoyed a cool breeze...we lingered outside in the side street at the vets before going in...

In the little room, we let Cleo out, she surprised us and ate some 

dry treats that I had in my purse, still from last Wednesday's vet visit.

She walked around, more than she had done in a few days;

she had not had any dry food in 2 days at least, no wet cat food today,

no milk yesterday, only ice cream, and today barely had ice cream. 

Just a few licks.

I held her. 

The 2 vet techs were very gentle.

Cleo's front paw "arm" had a catheter put in... that pinched for a minute but they

made it so Cleo could walk with it on... she walked a bit more,

ate her very last treats...

We prayed a prayer for her, my Husband read Psalm 103 (104) out loud and Psalm 23...

They let us have time with Cleo before the vet came...

I prayed Psalm 103 again and by Psalm 23 Cleo got up from laying down and was standing 

next to me as I was crying and petting her... 

Then the vet techs and the vet came back...

they explained everything about what they were going to do...

When they had shaved her little foot above her paw, (

so they could put the catheter in)

 they could tell that 

she was dehydrated and even her skin under her fur was yellow with jaundice... 

We had a little more time alone with her, Mr Husband petted her a good while

and I did too... then they all came back...

The vet commented at how bony she was, how even her hip bones could be felt,

along with her thin spine... poor Cleo... the vet said many times, it is time, 

you are doing the right thing... 

they sedated her first, so she was calm, sleeping as it were, but her eyes somewhat open.

Before they did, the vet commented that her heart beats were slower than normal...

I said to him, she is dying and

 I am guessing would not have made the night, though maybe her last

burst of energy also lead to this, as he did not check her heartbeat until after.

I was reading Psalm 23 and crying and petting her as they put her under sedation and 

then did the injection that caused her little heart to still... my Husband was right by her too...

The heart picture above is the last picture I have of her alive...

I wept.  

Just before the sedation started, I told Cleo (while crying):

I will be waiting for you

Wait for me, OK?

God is going to take good care of you OK, Cleo?

I will be seeing you soon...

I love you Cleo...and I sang her the 

"Cleo, Cleo, how I love you, Cleo Cleo yes, I do, I love you, Cleo, I love you"

song to her once more and kept saying 

I will be waiting for you

Wait for me, OK?

I'll be seeing you...

And as she was dying, I read Psalm 23 over her...

I looked her in the face as I was telling her all this, I was really near to her...

my Husband took tons of pictures and some videos... 

I wept when she was gone, the shock of it was so strong.

Her sweet fur body was still warm, but still.

Cleo was gone and I cried and I wept...

I wrapped her in the pink towel and the vet techs put a pee pad (disposable) in 

her carrier before I put her in as they explained that the body often 

releases pee after death... this happened...

We threw the disposable pee pad away, after placing her on the cleared

coffee table on top of clean pee pads.

I closed the pink towel over her with safety pins and I broke down weeping,

harder than my Husband has every heard me.

He came over and held me as I wept.

He stayed while I finished covering Cleo up with the pink towel shroud

and I wept more.

Mr Husband made me dinner (left over Indian) and I ate.

I changed out of my hat (it falls off and I did not want that at her burial)

 and we got Cleo ready to go for her burial,

wrapping her in a clean pee pad and placing her in the cat carrier one last time.

We walked to our friend's house, 5 minutes or so walk.

We brought Cleo in the house to the back and into the garden.

Our good friend had her grave dug already.

We brought flowers, Mr Husband carried the flowers and my bag so I could carry

Cleo in the carrier.

Her body had released more pee.

I had, when Cleo's body was still in our home, 

sprayed free-breeze to get rid of the pee-smell and 

then sprayed her shrouded body with vanilla room scent spray so she smelled nice.

I put her precious little body, still limp and dear, in the ground...

Our friend read a prayer for the book that came just today, right when I needed it

My Husband read Psalm 103 again

I read this poem by Madeleine L'Engle that a dear friend sent me:

Every Life Is Cherished

The earth will never be the same again. 

Rock, water, tree, iron share this grief 

As distant stars participate in pain. 

A candle snuffed, a falling star or leaf, 

A dolphin death, 

O this particular loss Is Heaven-mourned; 

for if no angel cried, 

If this small one was tossed away as dross, 

The very galaxies then would have lied. 

How shall we sing our love’s song now 

In this strange land where all are born to die?

 Each tree and leaf and star show how 

The universe is part of this one cry, 

That every life is noted and cherished, 

And nothing loved is ever lost or perished. 

~Madeleline L'Engle Glimpses of Grace 

And then I think I read Psalm 23 again.

I put in a sunflower and a rose on top of Cleo's body,

trying to make it a Cross.

Before I put Cleo in her pink towel shroud, I 

placed between her soft feet,

the folded empty bag of treats she had just finished,

the stub of a big thick beeswax monk-made blessed candle that was burning all 

day for her today and a toy (a stick with fabric that she loved to catch when

she was well, years ago and that stayed in her Cleo Care bag for cat sitters).

Our friend covered her with dirt, I added a little too 

and the our friend cleaned off a slate stone to cover the ground and then

a heavy rock underneath so no animals could disturb her grave.

Then we put 2 more roses and a beautiful sunflower on her grave,

again in the form of a Cross.

Before she died, I blessed Cleo with the Cross.

Before I put her body in the shroud I blessed it with Holy Water 3 times.

She had drank Holy Water too, in her water as I put it in the last 24 hours.

Our priest blesses animals  (cats) during house blessings so I felt this was a good thing to do.

After the little sweet funeral and burial, 

we stayed with our friend, toasted Cleo with lovely sweet wine and talked quietly for a while

about various topics and then Mr Husband and I went home,

he carrying my bag and I Cleo's carrier, empty other than the last pee pad.

I washed all the pee pads already, we did family evening prayers,

I cried a lot more, asking God, the Mother of God and St John (of Shanghai and SF)

to take care of Cleo, since time is not an issue so they would have time to do that

and take care of everyone else since they are outside of time.

I talked to my parents and to my quilting-friend who understood my loss,

as her lovely cat pal Lily had died a few years before, when she was living in NJ.

I can't believe I won't be seeing Cleo here at home now,

not hearing her eat her dry dibble or drink her water or

demand ice cream and milk

or anything else.

I know it was time for Cleo and I am so glad that I was able to be with her

when she died and that I could give her my favourite towel that

I have had longer perhaps than Cleo, that was from my parents house, so it was a

very loved towel... and I felt that I did everything I could do for our dear

Cleo Cat who will remain 

Cleo the Cutest Cat of all of Canada and the World.

***

When I was going to my Ukrainian Mother's house in Ottawa,

she would always say,

I am waiting for you.

***

Cleo, I love you. 

Cleo, I am waiting for you

***

"Cleo, Cleo, how I love you, Cleo Cleo yes, I do, I love you, Cleo, I love you"