A blur

I am reminded again and again that it is hard to be a Christian;

it is hard to keep one's heart open to the Holy Spirit, 

to keep the peace of Christ; so many things in one's lives,

outward, inward, personal and impersonal, it all adds up 

and many feel overwhelmed,

swept up in something beyond them

that only speaks of fear, anxiety, darkness. 

***

We are so weak but even though we are, 

and often are like sieves instead of a whole vessel

to keep Christ in,

God loves us; broken jars of clay, He does not 

see us as worthless. 

***

Yet, we have to STOP when we get in that dark place.

I fail again and again and again.

Much of the world is failing.

Much of the world does not know why they were created,

who created them or what it means to be a person; 

I am reading a lot on this topic,

in the letters of Elder Sophrony, in many letters he wrote to his sister Maria.

I am seeing how hard it is to understand how to relate to others

as persons, in love, in a spirit that does not judge,

in peace.... 

And this book, that I just got, it's small:

But it is powerful....a paper translated into English from Greek..

"He believed that the object towards which you turn your

attention and on which you focus your energies,

whether as something you love or something you hate,

will define your existence. 

Without doubt the Elder also believed that the life of a

Christian is lived out in opposition to the works of Satan,

but he insisted that the solution is to turn towards Christ

and towards his love and light.

It is this light and its dissemination that disperses darkness -- 

and not the struggle against darkness as such.

A direct struggle against darkness places darkness at the 

centre of the life of the crusader, even though his crusade is directed 

against it." 

~ Page 16-17 of 

Saint Porphyrios of Kavsokalyvia: 

A Hesychast from the Holy Mountain in the Heart of a City

****

I don't yet know how to fully do this,

but we are called not to despair at our inadequacy but still look towards

Christ for our salvation, our Hope...

****

Our Munchkin is coming over tonight;

I hope to make chicken pot pie and report back next week on it;

The house is not at that state I want it to be.

The world is broken; many are scared or worse;

they need Christ and many do not know Him...Lord have mercy...;

in our own home allergy things have been prepared, ordered, boxes opened,

things put in place....

It's a blur and often we find ourselves troubled... 

***

I need to remember to ask God to help me

orient my life towards Himself and towards loving 

Him, loving others...

***

Let's focus on the Light of the World

who will help us not walk in darkness...