Hard Hit

I have been emailing 

with my Ottawa Matuska about grief

and she reminded me that

new grief can also open wounds of old grief.

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The recent loss of Mr. Husband's godson

was so sudden and shocking to us

that it is only now that I can see that

for me I am really hard hit

and it's layers of grief,

even though I've worked through a lot of this

before, new layers emerge.

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This is not the first time I have been close to a family

with sudden loss.

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When I was 18, so young myself,

two Mothers, neighbours of ours, both died suddenly,

within months of each other. 

One death was on the road, tragic early and shocking.

The other death was on the person's property,

involved a snowmobile and worse.

I can't really write here in depth about either

as they are just not my stories to tell,

but I can tell you that both were incredibly tragic 

and lead both families to worse ends,

even further death years later.

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At 18 years old,

I saw the young boy crying behind the casket of his Mother,

I went to a Mother-daughter banquet with the young daughter,

I was with a teenage daughter of the other family

while she picked out pictures for the funeral display;

I was at the funeral hearing the Grandmother, Mother of

the Mother, cry out in agony at the funeral; 

I was the only one in my family there and saw

how the Mother's Mother had to be physically carried out

at the end of the funeral.

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I was 18.

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20 years later I am 38.

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And my church munchkin's father is gone.

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It will take a while for this to all settle.

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Thankfully I have support of all kinds that I am using

and will get through this.

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It will just take time, patience, prayer and

what seems to be called 'grief work'...