{reflections} What lies before us

I've been listening to 

Ancient Faith Radio for years now.

I still remember when it was fairly new

and I would listen to it from my small blue studio apartment in 

Ottawa Ontario... 

*

Blogging was pretty new and my church

in BC, that at point I had left only a year before,

had a blog with various members blogging

and we would interact that way,

it was a real blessing as I 

had just been in London Ontario 

for one year that while very good was

hard in terms of being in a culture I was not familiar

and was dealing with various levels of loneliness.

*

I was really not sure, back then in London Ontario, where I fit in 

Orthodoxy; everything was still very new,

I was getting the now defunct magazine

The Handmaiden, 

was aware of having more head knowledge than heart,

though I would not of known how to articulate that then.

The stories of the Saints, esp. the martyrs 

were still very new to me and at times very hard to read;

how and why did people kill Christians like that!?

I had been a Christian all my life,

but no one had ever introduced me to the stories

of the early martyrs....

*

I re-read my two Kathleen Norris books a lot

during that time,

Cloister Walk and Amazing Grace: a Vocabulary of Faith.

These books gave me a lot of solace while I was in London Ontario...

I was attending a church

that was in the middle of a lot of growth 

and clergy changes; I felt lost and alone a lot of the time.

I had (and have!) a wonderful godmother

but I was in a new city, hours from her and everyone I knew

both in BC and Michigan.

*

I don't think I ever wrote much here

about that time in my life,

but at the time I was incredibly exhausted and confused.

I went to Ottawa not knowing what was what.

Well, my priest in Ottawa basically loved me back to health

as it were. 

I was able to sort myself out, 

made new friends, started this blog 

and worked on creating a life for myself in Ottawa.

*

Fast forward a few years and I was working in Ottawa

at a job that was not working on many levels.

I listened to Ancient Faith Radio a lot that year.

And I loved Fr. Thomas Hopko's podcasts.

*

The summer before that job started,

I had broken my foot and was quite unwell

from an additional infection in the foot that happened 

and the antibiotics for that infection were

wreaking havoc on my system.

Whew, what a time!

But it was during that summer that I heard Fr. Thomas Hopko speak.

*

Wow, he was a powerful speaker.

Full of energy, life and enthusiasm. 

He had a lot of ideas on how he would do things

different and a lot of perspective on years of living

and service in the church.

*

I still remember him talking to my Ottawa priest

who had been his student; those years

when Fr. Thomas taught at St. Vlads seemed like the 

golden years to me and perhaps to others

who heard about them secondhand

and I do wonder what we have now before us.

*

The day I mentioned last week of Fr. Thomas'

55 maxims, is the day he passed away.

*

Well, now it is for a quick moment it is the present,

March 24, 2015 and Fr. Thomas Hopko was buried

yesterday at Holy Transfiguration Monastery,

which is the monastery that the one I go to in Michigan,

Holy Dormition Monastery, 

is from.  I have not yet had the privilege of being at

Holy Transfiguration Monastery but do hope to one day.

*

The candle desk man at our local NJ church is in his 80s 

and over the weekend, when we were talking

about Fr. Thomas Hopko's death,

he said that many years before he would go to 

Lenten Lectures where both Fr. Thomas Hopko and

Fr. Alexander Schmemann would give lectures.

He called them both stalwarts of the church...

*

It seems that slowly an era of people are passing by us.

I find this hard - I feel like the generation that I am either

in or close to is nothing like those who are leaving us;

who will show us the way and have such courage?

We are in such a new place as a culture and 

need wisdom like never before...

*

Well.  I was talking to my sister-friend this weekend

about an article I read about Fr. John (Krestiankin) who is featured in  

the beginning of the much-loved book Everyday Saints 

and I told her about reading this quotation:

“I went to the elder when I had to decide some important life’s questions. Just like on a road, I had reached a fork and didn’t know which way to go. And the elder showed me the way. Once I asked him, ‘What will we do when we are left without you? To whom should we turn?’ Fr. John replied, “Have faith in God’s Providence.” Yes, this is now our path. The Lord took our spiritual Moses to Heaven, and now we have to walk by ourselves.  (found here) 

 * 

I am thankful for the podcasts we can listen to 

on Ancient Faith Radio and that we have 

recordings to turn back to.

*

And more than this,

we have a God who is full of mercy

and who promises to never leave us...