Reflections ~ marriage and living like you are on borrowed time

This week has been the first time I stayed home when my husband

had to be away for work for a few days.

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My husband is older than me and teases me often 

about 'when he was __ age, I was __ age' and the like.

Now my husband is quite healthy, eats really well

and is more fit than I am!

(I need to work on that, baby steps!)

Anyway, so it is not that I expect to lose him soon,

though I think about it a lot sometimes;

it actually helps me love him more fiercely; more 

consistently, daily, hourly....

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I think because I have had various people die very suddenly in my life; 

it never really leaves someone,

the awareness of the suddenness of things,

of how we are all in some ways on a thin blade of grass,

not knowing what comes next.

And I hear about something sad with someone I know

almost daily it seems.

Yet at the same time we are not to worry about tomorrow

and so I always have work to do in this....

*

CS Lewis, in his letters to an American Lady,

writes that it is much better to welcome death as St. Paul than

to ignore or avoid it....

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Anyway, my husband's absence this past week not only makes

my heart fonder but quite reflective.

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I think a lot about how my Grandma lives now

without my Grandpa, who died some years ago. 

She keeps busy,

sees friends for Monday dinner weekly,

leads Bible study, bakes for others weekly, visits others,

reads, prays, talks to her sister nightly on the phone, etc.

So I see how to cope or what one can do,

if one is left in the situation of being a widow.

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But she will also say that she never stops missing 

my Grandpa...they were married for over 50 years 

from what I remember...

We had very little time between being at liturgy

for Theophany, driving back home, eating a great lunch

at our local diner and him packing the last things for this

trip for work.

But we managed a cup of tea, good earth sweet and spicy,

my husband's favourite....

And we had chocolates on the glass heart 

plate that my Mom found for us,

she had it at our MI family after our wedding

(a few months after) reception, with some mints on it.

My husband, the ever disciplined, only had 1 but I,

mmmm more like 3 chocolates I think :)

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And we did the travel prayers we always do 

and we talk/email/chat daily while he is gone.

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And I am doing well about it all,

as in arranging my schedule to see at least one person a day,

and I am baking, crafting, writing, taking pictures,

using all my pretty dishes, keeping the house tidy.

But at times I sure miss my beloved.

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And I know how very very blessed I am to have

him to miss...

{PS: writing this on Wednesday night but not posting until he

is back home, as I know this is what he would wish for me to do}