Today, a grey day but one with hope in Christ

Yesterday Mr. Husband and I 

were driving back home from church

and all seemed incredibly foggy;

the salt whitened roads matched the clouds as we

drove on a bridge above things

and all seemed one colour ~ fog.

*

I have so many people who are struggling.

My friend Mara is going through a very hard time again.

Other friends are in great grief,

stress that comes from mothering young children

or other upheavals that come with life.

*

I have been thinking about grief lately.

Kathleen Norris's book

The Quotidian Mysteries

speaks of this also; of facing grief and of the 

Psalms helping.

*

Grief comes even from good things ~ 

I am very blessed in my marriage to Mr. Husband,

who is truly my beloved husband,

but even good change includes a type of grief;

one is no longer single ~ this is a huge change;

marriage means being confronted with one's self and

patterns that do not work in one's new life or

things that were plain unhealthy.

*

For me it was also leaving Ottawa and my church family;

I can tell that I am moving into the stage of being resettled a bit more;

of feeling that the new things,

for me city, home, church, it was all new at once,

is becoming familiar, one's new beloved.

*

I had such a good visit in Ottawa;

God gave me a peace that is only from Him;

I love my church there very much and it was wonderful to see 

everyone; I was also blessed that I faced some of the sense of

grief that I still have in me (as I loved and still love Ottawa) 

before my trip... it made everything more peaceful.

*

It's funny how actually facing grief can bring peace,

though one has to go through the pain of facing the grief.

*

It's been almost a year since I came down with mono,

on Valentines Day last year.

This morning I felt a bit unwell so I rested...

that is what I did not do this time last year;

I did not let myself rest;

I realize that I was in part staying busy as I did not know how

to face the grief I was in about leaving Ottawa and 

getting settled here.

*

This year for Valentines Day I am getting two

cookbooks for the price of one 

by choosing them used via amazon.

Both GF babycakes cookbooks.

I am really excited about getting both of these;

I have some friends and family who are GF and slowly learning these

recipes are exciting to me, as I really love hospitality.

*

I had a fun conversation with my Cat Cleo today.

Those who have pets will understand that one can have

such conversations.

Cleo had been meowing for sometime.

Begging for cat treats I believe.

So I told her that she is an addict to Cat Treats.

Eventually, 

after I was finished eating lunch,

I brushed her and then gave her the Cat Treats she'd been wanting.

You know what I told her?

I have the same problem, though it is not cat treats that

are my addiction!

It's more a struggle I have with materialism 

and my love of 

a) distraction (Internet reading is a lot of it)

b) amazon and getting great book deals, for example.

*

I have a feeling I have more to face in terms of this...

sometimes the struggle of materialism and feeling like

one buys something is really trying to deal with 

a large something in one's life that is really not 

going to be dealt with in this manner at all,

only assuaged for a bit.

*

Our modern fractured scattered lives do not help this...

*

I don't think I am alone at all in this,

but I am also praying about it.

How does one change?

What does change look like? 

I am home most days and do not always have a lot of people

or any person to directly talk to...

which leads me to spend a lot of time online as my

place of contact with others.

*

Much to think on and pray about.  

I know that as I had mono for 6 months last year,

it has taken me longer than I would of wished to get settle

and in new routines.

*

Lots of patience is needed in life,

and I am finding daily life and such to be no exception.

*

Yet God is with us,

in all thing things and struggles we find ourselves in.