Seeing from the inside

(photo from my stellar wedding photographers)

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It's nearing a year of marriage for

Mr. Husband and I.
Just over 1 month now...

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I thought I would take some time

to write about how I see things now.

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I am sure,

God-willing,

that my views will change over time,

but I wanted to capture some moments

and reflections on how things are now. 

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The first thing I am thinking on is this:

A lot changes when we are actually in 

the situation of marriage

than when we are outside of it,

single and never having

experienced it.

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I remember when my sister-friend got married.

We were all on the 

young side of our twenties;

I remember how we all moved a few years after

she and her husband married

to Ottawa from BC

(I being in Michigan and London Ontario

 before reconvening with them in Ottawa)

and how she had to tell me that Saturdays

for her are really busy

with family things

without room for other events.

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Or how I would hang out with another couple from my church

and hear them talking about time they

needed just as a couple.

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Or how some of my thoughts on marriage changed

once I was in it.

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One thing that I don't think
those outside of marriage fully
can understand is that
one can still be lonely.
I know.
The 'L' word.
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It's OK though to acknowledge,
especially when one moves countries to
marry the one that is right for them,
that there can be some loneliness as
one works towards building a
new community and learns to be
a husband or a wife.

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But even before I married my
beloved Mr. Husband,
I knew that a woman still is in need of
other friends.
Actually Mr. Husband and I talked about this
before we were married.
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Here's what I have found to be true:
one is blessed to have a few close friends to
talk things out.
When one hits a wall or needs a new
perspective,
talking to a friend who knows one well,
is committed to Christ and to marriage,
really helps a marriage.
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Marriage is wonderful.

But it is also a lot of work
and communication at times is done over time
and sometimes time is needed to even know what
one is wanting to communicate.
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So, for ones like myself
often need outside friends
to talk to figure out what one is thinking
and what is needed for the situation at hand.
A common female trait from what I am told...

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Marriage also takes a lot of time to
be able to communicate with the other.

You also need a lot of 

 grace, forgiveness and love.
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I think it is important to never

assume one understands the other 

but instead waits and seeks to listen.

This is something I am still learning to do...

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It is very important for each of us

not to think we fully understand 

another married couple

or someone who is single

as if we can see and fully understand

the struggles they are battling or

the joys that they suddenly came across,

perhaps after days and years of struggle.

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I find in the end nothing should be feared

and that marriage just like life

is lived with God and His mercy.