Finished ... at least for now

So I called the taxi for today's interview

and was dramatically told that

Will and Kate have landed

and downtown,

where I live,

was pretty much blocked off,

don't know if we can get to you.

YIKES.

*

Thank God all was fine, the taxi came and

I even had extra time to pray before the

interview.

*

I think the interview went well;

there were a lot of questions

and I was very drained / strained by the end.

*

I am home now.

A bit dazed by it all but I went to a good friend's

church for an Akathist yesterday and

that greatly helped.

As did your support and prayers.

*

Two weeks of interviews while feeling sick from

meds and having severe insomnia

(one night I had to take two sleeping pills just to fall asleep;

were talking severe side-effects in terms of sleep

deprivation)

was really hard.

So sorry that my blog has been a bit

about only one thing

for a long while;

but it was where I was

and man, I don't want to be there again.

*

I will now be recovering, baking cakes for St. Fanourios,

(a good friend reminded me of him today

as one who helps find jobs)

and working on Thanking God for everything.

*

I only hope I don't get sick as to be honest

I feel a bit on the verge.

But God, He will be there,

where ever I am,

sick or well.

*

Thanks be to God for His mercy, compassion and long-suffering.

Taxi Drivers

Taxied to interview this morning.

Taxi driver telling me that his car was a lucky number

and how in his country one just went to school

paid by government and then was given a job.

Wanted more money, then merely get more

education....

Wish it was so easy.

*

I know I am in the middle of some sort of long term

marathon called life and it is tiring.

All these interviews is like having lots of final exams

without knowing what exams I will pass.

Interview Burn-out.

*

But there is one very good thing.

God will not leave us to run our race alone

and somehow everything in life is according

to His plan and that He loves us.

Tuesday - Holding On

Phone meeting went very well.

I will have a bit of work to do soon

and have time to focus now on my

two interviews this week.

*

I am very tired.

*

Praying for many who I love who are in their own

deep waters...

*

Found this yesterday and

cannot tell you how beautiful it is.

As I continue to read about the Optina Fathers

the beauty of the church, the singing

and the monastery of St. Elisabeth

that the link above is to,

I can only tell you we have been given a very

very great treasure in the Orthodox church

and that further healing of our lives

and selves is possible.

*

In the midst of our troubles, may God bring us

this healing.

This Week

Insomnia continues but so does God's mercy.

*

This week:

Tuesday phone meeting for very short term contract.

Wednesday Interview in the morning.

Thursday Interview in the afternoon.

*

If I don't write or comment much on other blogs,

it is merely situational and not intentional.

*

I am very tired.

*

God is with us.

Prayer Request for Noah

Noah is having surgery tomorrow;

please pray for him,

the need is great...

Regional All Saints Sunday

Liturgy and meal after church

was very consoling.

*

My insomnia is continuing but I am seeking

to take heart,

as I only have a week left of the medicine.

I look forward to a return to 'normal.'

*

Today's sermon included reminders that

for those who stand up and follow Christ,

that though the way can and will be hard,

Christ promises to always be with us

and never to abandon us.

Saturday, Eve of Regional Saints Day

My new small icon of the Theotokos.

A gift for going to the baptism

last Saturday.

*

I've been having severe insomnia

from the medicine I have to be on.

That and the medicine,

which I have another week or so on,

makes me feel really unwell.

*

I have been unable to do any more interview planning

but I just can't worry about it.

*

I am blessed merely by knowing that we have a

merciful heavenly Father

and that all is in His hands.

June 22 is a special day...

Today is my Mom's birthday!

*

I thank God for my Mother.

*

I said it last year on her birthday-

the best thing in my life is that

I was born of a Christian God-loving Mother.

*

Today when I called her she asked about my day,

how did the interview go?

She continued to be my Mother even though today is

her special day.

Her continual encouragement, listening ear, love

and acceptance of me is a great gift.

*

I blogged a year ago about being in the same situation

as a year before that,

job interviewing.

Uncertainty.

But I also blogged about telling my Mom

about buying strawberries for the first time

and wondering why it took me so long.

Well, at least I have learned one thing in this past year.

When strawberries are in season, by them. :)

*

And clearly God has been faithful to me and a year

later I am still here,

with Cleo, my blue apartment and God's mercy.

*

Many years to my Mom!

Wanted: Vacation from Job Interviews

Well.

Another interview over.

Not sure how it went but I had lots to say.
Would be a good job...

I am still weary.

At least two more job interviews to come;

somehow this seems overwhelming.

Since this has not changed as of late

I won't talk more about it.

We all desire rest and peace.

God help us learn to grow in

our ability to receive and keep His peace.

*

I know it is possible,

but for me it may take the rest of my life to obtain.

But God wants to save us even more

than we want to be saved;

we have much cause for hope and

continuing to look to Christ,

the Author and Finisher of our Salvation.

Ready, Set, Don't forget to breathe!

Interview tomorrow morning.

I feel like I began today well but then well

fell apart into scattered pieces.

*

Part of it is that I feel like I don't have enough of

the pieces of this particular puzzle;

I wish I felt more of a clear understanding of

the job I am interviewing for tomorrow.

*

I realize that I am failing to take one day at a time

and to trust God;

I am grateful to God for His mercy in these times;

I find job interviews exhausting -

it is like having tons of oral exams;

first you have to try to study for them but

did not have a teacher to learn from first

just the school of your own work experiences

and interview research and preparation;

you have know idea what the questions will be,

just the main topic of the exam;

but the exam is not just to pass a course,

it is to get a job.

No pressure, right?

Sigh.

*

I've interviewed with this organization before

and the interview is long -

at least 75 minutes

with three/four people meeting you.

I just want to get on with my life,

have some sense of stability and routine

and a job that does not destroy me.

Whether the job I interview tomorrow is such a job

I am really not sure.

*
Still weary but at least yesterday I was able to make
and buy food for the week and I have medicine to try to
counteract the insomnia from the other
medicine.
*

please pray for me,

for help, wisdom, strength and the mercy of God.

Beginning of the Apostles Fast

After a very intense last week -

interview, job applications, interview prep

the baptism (so wonderful)

Sunday church (wonderful as well)

today I had to rest.

I have a really big interview Wednesday but

know myself well enough that if I did not

listen to how I was feeling

I would not be able to regain the momentum

I need for Wednesday.

*

Add to that continued insomnia due to medicine,

Cleo getting sick in the night

(she's fine now by all accounts)

and city noises,

I knew that I could not push it today.

*

Also, this morning the old contract

I thought I was doing weeks ago

was mentioned again but at the end of today

I still don't know if I am doing that work or not.

So much instability right now;

I feel really weary.

*

I am struggling with the fact that

I will really only have one day to prepare for this interview.

*

But God is merciful and He will carry me through this

and He knows each detail of my life and is

in charge of ordering it.

If I needed a day to recover and be quiet

then so be it.

Better to be quiet and seek to remember God

admits the anxious struggles

than to charge ahead heedless.

*

All this aside, I have been keeping a candle lit for

others, including MamaJuliana

who was to have surgery today.

*

Let us remember one another in prayer.

Father's Day / Sunday of All Saints

Today is the celebration of All Saints.

A beautiful day to celebrate also the living

among us who have been a revelation of God to us.

*

My Father is one of these people in my life.

I grew up in a secure Christian home,

one of the biggest gifts I was ever given was a good family.

I loved God from an early age and had a very deep

sense of God as Father.

And I knew what Father meant.

Someone you could go to,

Someone who could somehow fix everything

and make things better.

Reliable.

Patient.

Gentle.

Intentionally Gentle.

Wise and waiting for you to ask for his wisdom.

Meeting you on your level,

never diminishing and taking one's questions

seriously and talking intelligently to me

even when I was young,

not assuming that I was not up to the level

of conversation that my questions were at.

My Dad worked and still works hard;

he put us all through Christian Education

K-12 even when there was not much money to be had.

He gave sacrificially.

And he never mentions it to us or asks for what he

gave to us in return.

I love my Dad because he loves me.

I learned to love God because my Dad loves God.

CS Lewis was my favourite author because he was my

Dad's favourite author.

My Dad can talk sense into me quickly and gently

never condemning, with the insight of me as his

daughter.

*

My Dad can fix anything I think.

When I had a car and broke the headlight he fixed it.

He welds my metal sweater button

on my pretty wool winter sweater.

He fixes my shoes, my belts, my suitcase wheels;

he rebound my teen Bible when I was in my 20's;

it is still with me to this day,

that Bible.

when I was little he hand split lots of shingles for my

doll house, which he also painted, plastered and

wall-papered.

*

I love it that he teases me so much.

His teasing is like extra hugs and I love to tease him back.

*

He paints and fixes up houses for a living.

He is the most trustworthy, hardworking man I know;

he treats his clients well and with care

and consideration.

He learns new painting techniques and new ways to

get work.

I can't tell you how much it has taught me how he works;

always trusting God since his type of work

is not a every-2 week paycheck type job.

Even in the hard times when everyone was out of work

he would never complain, despair or give up.

My being unemployed for the most of the last 2 years

his example has been very steadying for me.

When everything got really hard last November,

job-wise, money/tax-bill wise,

his counsel about looking to God everyday

and that he was proud of me for not giving up

was one of my most meaningful moments

of my still fairly young life.

*

Another was when I was in my early 20's and finally got my

driving license; I had to take the test twice as

I made a mistake on the parking part of the test.

My parents took me out all day practicing and

I can still remember the look of joy and that my Dad was proud of me

when I got the parking maneuver right.

My Dad was so patient with me in taking me driving

to learn; no one better to learn from than him.

*

And my Dad loves my Mom.

I have two pictures of my Dad on my shelf that I see

everyday by my table and this computer.

The one picture is at a wedding and my Mom is smiling

and looking strait ahead while my Dad is smiling,

looking at her with eyes that show his continued

joy and love he has for her.

The other picture is of my Dad and I camping

sitting in chairs next to each other at the camp fire.

I love that picture a lot.

I grew up camping with my family and my Dad

loves nature very much; he is so alive when in nature

and the outdoors.

He feeds us from his gardening every year;

he used to do all the canning when us kids were young

as my Mom had all she could do to get us to bed

each night.

The tomatoes I had last August at home were so good;

he grew them; I had forgotten what a real tomato even tastes like.

*

When I had news of that big job interview

last year that I was flown out for

(but did not get)

he got me flowers and wrote me a small note.

That note is with me everyday, as it is in a special

zippered pocket of my purse.

*

I still love God our Father today and I know

my trust of God was ignited because my Dad

showed me what having a Father means.

It is one of the best things in the world

and I am glad that God the Father

is Father to us both.

Beautiful

The baptism was beautiful today

at the monastery.

I felt very consoled by my time

at such a prayerful place.

Finished

I know.

A lot of blog posts in one day.

Well, it's been a very full day! What can I say?!

I finished and submitted the job application.

It seemed like a big enough deal to want to announce.

*

Two job submissions;

News of 4 interviews;

1 interview done:

that is a lot for one week.

Plus laundry, Tuesday dinner, and life in general.

*

The cake did not get baked but maybe I will be able to do it

later this weekend.

Maybe.

*

Please any prayers for the travel to monastery

are greatly appreciated.

Can you believe it?!?

Late this afternoon,

while I was on the phone,

I got an email for

Another Job Interview.

Two weeks Wednesday morning.

Can you believe it?

All in 1 week I have 4 interviews for 4 different positions.

All Professional. All here in the Ottawa area.

My goodness.

I think I need prayers for my sanity along

with need job prayers!

Wow.

today/friday - another interview over

Interview Over.

I think it went well.

They wanted my references.

I liked them.

The one month contract via job agency

already is over as a current possibility.

I ended up taking a taxi to the interview

(glad I did, the busing it would of been hard but

was easy on the way back;

even saw some older Dutch ladies who I talked to,

was great to hear the Holland Accent :) ).

While I was taxiing to the interview the job agency

sent out a consent to send resume form

which I did not get until I was back

and they had already submitted what they had.

so sorry and all.

Goodness what a roller coaster this all is.

Meanwhile,

some pictures from a walk I took yesterday:

The beautiful dog and cat bowl set up for

those walking in the summer time.

Tres Cool, no?!

Beautiful bench.

I could use some rest time myself.

City Black Squirrel.

Good to see around.

*

I am tired now.

My goodness.

Another job application to finish today

and I had so hoped to bake another

Strawberry lemon cake for church today.

*

My mind is full and bursting.

Thank God I am going to a baptism of one of my

friend's babies tomorrow at the

Greek monastery.

*

Speaking of going to the monastery,

feel free to send me an email (roosjeblog @ yahoo .ca )

or a comment if you want names prayed for there;

I will make a list...

*

I like this little Catholic church

dedicated to St. Theresa, the little flower.

It is always nice to walk by.

Thank you all for your encouragement and

prayers during this time.

God is our only sure stability and salvation...

Cleo aka my shadow

This post is dedicated to

Miss Tilney, Miss Darcy and Big Sister.

Cleo is my every present shadow,

interested in whatever I seem to be closest to.

Inspecting the newly cleaned bathtub for instance.

And she wonders why it is always being cleaned,

sigh.

She watched me iron my clothes for today's interview

but did not offer to help.

Consider the amount of delinting/furring I do

for such clothes,

it is probably good that she does not wish to take over

the ironing duties,

such as they are.

She is especially happy when I return home

and loves balancing on tops of chairs.

And that is what Cleo is up to... :)

(other than begging me to travel with her across the ocean

to meet such cats such as Miss Tilney, Miss Darcy and their

non-cat Big Sister

who she has grown quite fond of through

Miss Tilney's reports).

Another possibility!

When it rains it pours - just got a call for a

**possible** one month contract

via a job agency I met with a few years back.

Now I have 4 potential leads, plus a small contract that I have still not heard back from...

I have to continue preparing for interview tomorrow,

finish a cover letter and do a new resume for this new possible contract!

(i.e. two resumes and a cover letter to finish today plus

more interview prep)

*

Prayers most sincerely requested!

*

Also could you pray for my stamina?

I am pretty certain that it may be a 30-40 minute bus time to

the interview tomorrow and this itself is tiring.

And that I will have focus on the interview at hand,

with so much else going on.

*

Thank you!!

Wednesday Evening Sunshine

Quick post and then interview prep.

Called my Grandma and told her that I know have

three interviews in the works.

She was so excited for me;

she had just prayed this morning that I would

be encouraged and get an interview;

three of them is quite something.

*

I am a bit hyped up due to the upcoming interview

and other factors;

would love to hear suggestions for a good evening

wind-down / relax/ bring calm

things...

*

Of course prayer is part of this.

*

Here's a picture of the chicken salad I made;

realized after the dinner that I did not add

enough noodles; it was too heavy on the stomach

though it tasted great!

Today I added more noodles to the leftovers...

Cooked and diced chicken breast

Sliced grapes

mayo

Dijon mustard

salt and pepper

cooked noodles

Anglican church sign.

Been thinking about Abundance and God.

How does it relate?

Obviously everything we have is from God;

but how are we to think about abundance?

What about our responsibility to others who have less?

Not easy questions.

And I think too easy to fall without realizing it in to a

health and wellness Gospel

which is not Christianity.

Christianity, one of my good friend said years ago,

is summarized in the Beatitudes.

Bit concerned that I may have insomnia again;

happened esp. the first time I took these

get-rid-face-rash-drugs.

This is why I asked for calm-down suggestions.

*

Got my hair cut today!

I had been bummed by my last hair cut and with

three interviews wanted to not be concerned

about what my hair would do that day.

*

Grocery shopped;

strawberries are on a really good sale right now;

savouring the summer fruit.

*

Please pray for my interview preparation; lots to do...

Raining Interviews

Apparently it is interview time for me again!

I have an interview now next week

Wednesday morning as well!

For the place that was my dream job that I

interviewed for in early February.

*

So now I have three interviews.

*

I have a lot to do.

Tired.

Prayers requested.

*

Thanking God for the interviews.

*

Praying that it will lead to a job,

hopefully a full-time permanent job

if that is God's will.

Tuesday Happenings

Checklist:

dermatologist, naturopath and meds - check.

Dinner with friends.

Chicken Salad

Potato Salad

Fruit Salad

and water;

Cake with Apricot sauce

and Mint Tea:

Check.

*

Plans discussed via email to go to monastery this Saturday for

baptism.

Check.

*

Agatha Christie books sold;

people came during my dinner party preperation;

so my friends were with me;

it was a big step for me and to be honest I was

glad for the presence and support of my friends.

*

Read over job description.

Tomorrow - start meds and pray for no insomnia.

Cover letter and job interview prep start in earnest.

*

Thanking God that I have food from tonight to last me the

rest of this week

(and it is a fast free week so no worries about not having

chicken salad on Wednesday!).

*

I admit I am feeling nervous for the interview.

*

Your comments, emails and prayers have been so encouraging.

Thank you.

Question

Does anyone know where I can get a readable

copy (online) of the Akathist to

St. Parascheva?

I found this online pdf

which is wonderful

but it does not print well on my printer.

*

A friend suggested I ask her prayers...

*

I am happy to say my house is getting more orderly

and I am able to go to the dermatologist soon.

Good thing as the rash is getting to the itchy

stage. I remember last time that this preceded

the painful stage.

Hoping to get the meds started so the pain is avoided.

Am reminded again and again that everything

even our troubles

are in God's control and timing.

I need to learn to stay resting in Him.

Lord help us.

The Lord promises to have mercy and to help us.

small update

It looks like I may have an interview

at the end of this month

as well as the one this Friday.

*

I have really changed my reading habits over

the last two years;

have been thinking about this change for about

three or four years.

Some changes I run headlong into

others take a bit longer.

Everyone is different and every one's journey

and spiritual life is unique;

that is why there are so many Saints and they are all

individuals too.

I have been wanting to do more and more to gain

the peace that I know Christ offers

but that I have a hard time guarding.

It came to be that I became more open to radical

(or to me radical) steps to gain peace.

I am also someone who is easily impacted by outward happenings;

I blogged years ago about realizing that even listening to Amy Grant

(a childhood favourite)

would disturb my sense of inward peace.

I am what is written in the book

highly sensitive person

a book that I have never read all the words of

as I would find myself reading it too fast and get overwhelmed.

Which is kind of funny... :)

*

If I was a really spiritually strong person outward events

would not disturb me as they do;

I see this from my reading that I am slowly doing

on Saints and on prayer

(btw I am LOVING the wisdom I am seeing in

the book on Elder Leonid;

it's tying into the Ladder that I am reading;

will have to blog about that later).

*

I have been slowly trying to do more to gain peace

since I declared war on anxiety over year ago;

can't say I am always winning this one.

I sure felt overwhelmed again this morning!

*

Actually I don't know that I can say I gained anything yet.

But I believe that with God gain is possible.

That is something I am slowly seeing.

*

So what is the radical thing that I have changed?

After all this prefacing of it,

the change may seem minor :)

Anyway.

After thoughts, discussions with appropriate persons,

I decided that I should forgo reading mystery books.

Which for me was a HUGE change!

I read mystery books for years.

Even blogged about them.

I was like a 'mini-specialist' on them,

I read them so much.

And I am NOT at ALL saying that this is what others should do.

It's just that I have felt that if it will help me gain peace

than it is more than worth it.

Guess I will have to get back to you on whether it helps or not;

give me another ten years or so,

if God grants them to us all.

*

So I am selling my Agatha Christie collection.

I put it online about a month ago or so and a buyer has been found

and seems excited to be getting them - for her husband as a gift.

Which is really sweet and lovely.

So that makes me feel a bit better about giving them away.

Not getting tons for it, but I did not buy it for that much either.

I do have two biographies of her that I think I will keep,

but other than that,

I am saying goodbye to them.

It is bittersweet.

I hope to get a job so I can keep that money

and buy something special with it;

I already have a few books in mind...

*

If it can help me gain Christ though,

it is more than worth it.

*

Meanwhile,

I feel really run down

and in danger of falling prey to the flu.

Any suggestions?

What do you do to rejuvenate?

*

I am already doing some interview preparation

but I guess the selling of books was such a big thing

to me that I wanted to write about it.

*

Am thinking of MamaJuliana who had surgery today.

Let us remember her in prayer.

*

God is with us.

Suddenly it got very busy

Seeing Dermatologist tomorrow afternoon.

I have dinner for 7 or so tomorrow night.

I bought the food and need to go forward with this.

My freezer is not that big.

I've already communicated with my dinner group

as it were for help.

Why the rush?

Interview this Friday at 11.

Just found out.

Please pray for me.

This is a contract position but is a good one;

is in Ottawa.

I have at least 1 other job application to do as well.

Today is tending to my foot and cleaning as my weekend was long

and I can't function in this enviroment.

I won't be around on blogs this week.

I will be scanning all for prayer requests

so I will be here and praying

but will have to limit my actual going to your blog

outside of Google Reader and commenting.

But you all have my love.

And I ask your prayers.

My rash is not getting better.

Please pray that I will look okay for Friday

and the at meds will work quickly.

Did I mention that the meds can skyrocket anxiety and

create insomnia?

:) Crazy....

My life, it always has some drama.

God is with us.

I am happy to have this interview.

Begging your prayers.

Sunday of Light, Sunday of Struggle

So.

It was a beautiful day today.

Liturgy was beautiful.

Our Parish meal was a great success,

very beautiful, great food, kids talent show,

they are really growing and constantly improving!

*

At the same time as all the good,

and I got the books I was promised and

wow, the books are so wonderful,
I can't begin to tell you how pleased I am.

And two of the books have Akathists in them already!

I love Saint stories and to have these is a

great blessing.

*

I had a small series of events that has proved challenging

and I feel like all the joy of the Feast is being

challenged with it.

1st I accidentally blistered my foot.

Sandal broke;

went bare foot home on both feet.

The foot that I could of kept the sandal on

I did not until halfway home when it was burning

and I saw that I had not only blistered the foot

but the one blister is open with very tender skin.

Oh me of foolish foot choices.

*

Then my oven broke.

Took cake - strawberry lemon cake

only 1/3 baked

to church

and finished baking it there.

Made frosting this morning.

*

Then I looked at my face.

Uh-oh.

Spots. Again. Remember November?

I do.

And I remember the tests I had to do to make sure

I did not have a serious disease.

And as far as I know I don't have a serious disease.

But I can tell you this.

I do have the same rash again.

I came home late from church, looked in the mirror

and the rash is progressing already to the second stage.

So.

Foot hurts. Open wound basically. Face spots.

Plan:

1. call doctor and get appointment.

Get advice on minor toe wound care.

This may seem like over-reacting to an open toe blister

BUT I had a serious foot injury on the other foot

and had a significant infection.

My aim is to not have a new infection now.

And my foot after walking home still has the burning hot

sensation. Do not like.

I want the fire of the Holy Spirit

not of a foot infection.

2. Call Dermatologist in AM and get appointment

3. Call Naturopath

4. buy bus tickets to go to appointments out of downtown

5. pray.

At least this time around I have two months of money yet

instead of no money really soon.

I just hope that the meds I will go on will not increase my

insomnia

which I had for two nights in a row again.

Did I mention I am supposed to be job searching and

life keeps getting in the way?

*

Regardless today is still Pentecost.

I still need the Holy Spirit more than anything else,

job, health, even sanity itself.

Two more done, more to go

Two professional jobs in Ottawa applied for.

Another cover letter is already in the works

and more to start.

*

The balance between rest

(this is a quiet space in my life)

and that I need a job and don't want to

run out of money again

is a constant struggle for me.

*

It must be in God's plan and for a reason.

I remember when I was unemployed for a summer

and after that ended I started going

to the Orthodox church,

decided to become a librarian,

became a catachumen

and then moved home

and then moved back to Canada for library school

and then to Ottawa

and then back to library school...

and then to Ottawa where I still am today.

All in the space of three years;

4 churches in two years;

lived in 6.5 places in three years,

two countries,

four cities.

*

It was a tad overwhelming;

though in my earlier twenties I used to live in three places a year

and fly six times a year;

West Coast-Michigan-New England.

*

Someday I would love to go to Romania

to visit my sister and brother-in-law

(not to mention tons of monasteries!)

but meanwhile,

it would be nice to either be given the winnings of a lottery ticket

(since I don't play myself)

or a job.

I'll take the job :)

*

Blessed weekend everyone!

Friday - nearing Pentecost Eve

Two cover letters and resumes almost done.

My mind is swimming with words;

am on at least my 4th edit of each.

*

Patience is so hard for likes of me.

Here's an amazing quote from an email I was sent

about waiting:

patience thing is one of the hardest things to learn. Not to wish for anything is the best way to get it over with.

- Elizabeth's Godmother

*
Meanwhile,

I have decided to make a strawberry lemon cake for

our church's Pentecost Feast

on Sunday.

*

Tomorrow is a Soul Saturday.

Panakhyda

confessions

and vespers.

A good full and holy day.

*
God is with us.

Praying that we can ask God again this Pentecost

for our hearts to be open to further reception of

the Holy Spirit.

What else can we really ask for?

Reflections on a Thursday Evening

I've been reading a book on St. John of Kronstadt;

in it talks about the theme of joy

and that it is the devil who spreads gloom.

I paraphrase but this theme I am finding

in many Orthodox places.

Living in the joy of Christ, of Pascha.

We are always being called away from and out of

despair, acedia, despondancy

in to Christ;

Christ the Living Water of Pentecost.

Lots of thoughts about being at peace by

accepting all things in the day as God's will;

whether in what God allows or in what He directly wills;

it is a mystery but somehow acceptance of the days events

can give peace

when kept with the rememberance of God

and who He is,

His goodness, His desire to save us.

I wrote before of the concept of

the door opening to summer

We are always waiting for something;

I know how much I am always waiting.

Waiting for a call or email for an interview

or for a work contract.

But it is bigger than this.

Frederica Mattehews-Green writes in her book

on St. Andrew of Crete's service

and in her book on The Jesus Prayer

how the nous,

the faculty of understanding spiritual truth

is wounded and is constantly

buzzing around in circles

looking for distraction because it has not yet

been healed

has not yet descended into the heart

and praying there.

I am slowly reading through the art of prayer

which has a lot of St. Theophan's writing

and am slowly understanding what prayer can be

and that I do not yet have it.

But it is exciting.

To realize there is more;

my spiritual father was talking to a group of us last Sunday

and explained that the understanding of the

two natures of Christ

in one Person

and that the Person of Christ did not change

in the Incarnation

but was enfleshed; Christ in His Person

became Human without losing His Divinity;

He then had two natures

even, from what has been explained to me,

two wills,

His human will and His divine will.

He submitted His will to His Father's will.

Because Christ became human and is uncreated

as one of the Persons of the Godhead

we can join in God's energies but not in His essence.

In other words,

We can align our will to Christ's will

our emotions to Christ's emotions;

these are all things that are true because of Christ's

Incarnation,

truly man, truly God.

Heavy stuff

BUT

wow.

This what Saints are made of.

Saints who are full of the Holy Spirit.

In Communion with God.

God is the Perfect Communion

the Trinity.

This is what we are called and welcomed to.

It is the only way to inward peace...