Monday, the day before my Mother's birthday

This is the week of the next interview.

I have begun preparing.

I feel a bit nervous to say the least

and have so much I need to review

and prepare answer for.

My French classes are winding down.

Even though they were not perfect,

I will miss them.

It seems that in a lot of ways I am still where I was

a year ago;

tomorrow is my Mother's birthday...

*

I struggle with the unknown

with transitions

with being patient

with having faith.

**

Lord help me!

***

Yet life goes on.

Saw the husband of the neighbour who has cancer.

She is doing okay

but he said he thought he almost lost her

a while back,

when she was so sick from chemo.

Lord help us all,

there is so much to bear at times,

so much.

***

Today was a beautiful sun-filled day.

The green on the trees is so comforting

as I walk underneath their canopies

even here in the city.

Strawberries are in season

and

on sale.

I told my Mom today on the phone

that today is the first day I remember

buying strawberries

for myself to eat.

What took me so long?!

*

In ways it rather breaks my heart to be preparing

for a job interview

that I can not yet pass the French test for.

**

I took a practice French test this weekend.

It was hard.

I didn't even finish it.

10 questions on the subjunctif

which I have not learned yet

at all.

***

But now I know how it is

and what I need to learn

and all is not lost

and I must not give up

or give in

to weariness.

***

I must cry out to God

save me

I looked at the waves

I am drowning

like Peter

Save me, O Lord,

in Your great mercy and compassion,

Reach down and pull me out of the waters,

out of the fiery pit.

Bring me into Paradise

with trees of green, with Peacocks

and a riot of vibrant coulors,

with birds praising in the dawn.