Challenges and Questions

I think the informal interview went well. They have to ensure that the funding will be available before the contract can be offered. I should know by next Tuesday.

I was really exhausted after the interview; it was strange to be back at the library where I started my career. (As it is a government library, it is not open to the public; I had not been back since I left two years ago).

I have a lot of questions yet and I am discovering that they are big questions.

Questions about the meaning of life and one's identity. Work and career in this century define what is means to be a person. I do not think this should be but it must be acknowledged that this happens.

I feel like I am walking around with a tear in the middle of my being - who am I? what does God want me to be? I thought identity crisis happened when someone was, well, older than I.

Questions of can I find a job that will not kill me; will I have to move? None of this is resolved. I love where I may be working. I even learned that the job they would have me in they are making into a real job. Just like last time I was there. The problem: I cannot even apply for the job because I am not bilingual.

This is hard.

I love English literature, but my sense is that the financial risk to try to be a professor, and the grueling pace that is involved, is not something I am up for.

So...if I am supposed to be a librarian, how am I to get a job in Ottawa without intensive French training?

What does it mean to be a working professional? To what am I working towards, other than paying off my school loans and rent and food? What does it mean to be a single Orthodox Christian woman in this century?

These are questions I am asking.