awake at 4

sigh.

when ever i am going to have at all a nice day i wake up super early! My Opa had the same struggle.

i cleaned all last night for my little apartment finally to be blessed. i have lived here over a year already, but it just did not work out to have my house blessed.

it is quite something though to me, to prepare for this. it is a very exciting thing for me and at the same time has this element of acceptance of the way things are.

i am more settled now (though my job as it stands now ends at the end of May and that is on my mind a little) than i have been as a student. but it is not like i thought it would be. i have a lot of my things together, but am slowly learning how much of feeling settled is a inward condition of grace and comes only with time and prayer. and to be honest it is an inward condition that i lack.

i am usually looking for the next thing, or thinking it will be so nice when my house is clean, or when i have a better plan for meals, or when my work is more permanent.

well. my house will (notice the future tense of this verb!) be clean today. my laundry is done. i do have food in the freezer (though i have to go grocery shopping).

but it is my heart that needs the most feeding, restructuring, cleaning and tender healing.

i am so glad for the hope for this inward healing in the church; it is incredible to be loved and to be able to learn to trust in God's mercy.